Should these people go home!!

[Lou780]

I have made a trip to London for weekend..to see dh.. marriage is on rocks and we haven't seen each other for weeks. He has new flat in London as works there during week and normally comes home at weekend. Not for few weeks though for various reasons. So here iam..we go for lunch with a friend of his and his new wife..youngcouple only 28. We are 45. Ok I think..lunch will be fine. But that was 1pm and they are STILL here!!..I have come through to bedroom and can hear them cackling and putting loud music on Alexa and drinking. Iam so fed up. Do much for spending time with dh. They will not take hi t..I have asked them to lower music as I have a headache. I then went in and asked if o could put TV on..dh obliged but they kept talking loudly about first date first time they had sex going into detail..I have up and came back onto bedroom. I have nothing in common with young wife she is not interested in talking to me ..I tried o we lunch. But she is loving holding court in living room right now..so is dh. Iam crying in bed room.

If they are married, it’s both their flat. Legally.

I think this is probably what your husband does all week when you're not there.

@ReanimatedSGB you seem to be siding with the husband, and I can’t help wondering if he has actually told the OP he wants out of the marriage

Is this what he’s told you?!

I’d ask h if you could speak to him in another room, or text him, and tell him you’ve come to see him and would like some time just the two of you, ask him to ask them to leave. If he doesn’t then I’d pack and go to a hotel for the night. Don’t be an idiot about it. It does sound like he’s an inconsiderate arse!

I think he's done this on purpose....

Whatever you do, please do not confront the drunk party having fun. It will not end well for you. Get dressed and get out, either home or a hotel. At the moment you are the sulky wife in the bedroom ruining their fun. I know this feels unfair but this is how they see it and if you ask guests to leave it will only end up in a drunken scene. I assume you are married? When DH is sober tell him you both need to get together somewhere neutral and discuss if you both still want to try and work things out.

I'd have left and gone home or to a hotel by now.

Oh OP that sounds miserable. It does sound like he has checked out. How rubbish for you and how rude of them. No matter what they know or don't know, is rude of all the of them not to include you. But I think the main issue sounds like your husband has made no effort to spend time with just you. I hope you are ok.

Can you leave and go to a hotel? It sounds awful. I’m sorry.

Agree the only dignified thing left to do is to go in to them, give them all a genuine smile, tell them it's lovely to have met them and that as it's late you have to be making a move. If DH expresses surprise, tell him he misunderstood the plan, you were never going to stay over. Then go and have a night in a hotel and go home tomorrow.

I am not saying his actions are right at all OP and YANBU to be pissed off.

All im saying is i did this to an ex A LOT! Whenever we were socialising it was fine, but as soon as people left it would be just us two and the big elephant in the room. So i would make the party last, invite people back, take up offers to go elsewhere. But i was in my late teens early 20s, and just wanted to avoid the discussion that needed to be had - its over.

Your DH has definitely checked out. Whether he is knowingly or subconsciously ensuring you don't get time to be together, it's clear he doesn't want time together.

I know how you are feeling and how it is difficult not to be rude when you are being shunned. My ex used to do it to me. We would make plans for a date and then he would invite people along and change plans without mentioning to me and everyone thought I was a rude and miserable bitch even though our time together was limited because he worked away. He did it on purpose because he was an abusive twat.

This isn't really down to the guests. It's all on your husband.

Call him into the bedroom and say that it's time they left. His reaction will tell you everything.

Make sure you're dressed with a bag packed at so in the (likely) event he tells you to to stop making a fuss you can leave with your head held high.

It does sound a horrible evening. Is this typical of him? Is this the sort of thing that has put it on the rocks? It's really shitty of him when you've gone to a special effort to spend some time with him. I wonder what his reasons were for not coming home for weeks. He sounds like he's having a mid life crisis and wants the single life, but hadn't had the balls to discuss it.

It's on purpose. I think you should just go - with your self respect intact.

I do agree with PPs that you should leave and go to a hotel.

You should have more self respect than sitting in his room waiting to see if he’d like to spend time with you. He’s had the chance, he doesn’t want to, and so you should be the master of your own destiny. Find a nice hotel with a bar, and go and relax on your own

To be fair op in the mood you're in, I doubt you're giving off let's make new friends and all have a laugh vibes, I'd probably avoid engaging with you for great of saying something wrong. Your DH has invited them. Sometimes if DH and I are in a bit of a rut, going out with other couples having a drink and a laugh over nothing important actually helps us to reconnect and makes us remember fun times. Not saying that's going to work here but it might just be misguided rather than malicious from your DH. He might also be scared of being alone in case you end things. It highlights s communication issue but it doesn't necessarily make him the enemy.

"these friends live 3 doors down from dh flat"

Go in and ask if their flat is identical to your DH's flat.

Whatever their response is, act really interested and then ask if you can go and see it.

Go and see it with them, stay 2 minutes and then say brightly "Thanks for showing me the flat, I'll leave you to it".

Job done.

Oh OP, that's rubbish, I was in this situation with a partner when I was very young, many many years ago.

I didn't leave, and let things go on for too long, 20 years later I still kick myself for letting them treat me like that.

I always look back and see that he had checked out, and I would have maintained more dignity if I'd politely and calmly left rather than hanging around, unhappy and unwanted.

Please do what I didn't all those years ago.

text him,or pull aside and tell him he has five mins left to get them out.after that,you have to leave.air band b?train home?coach?dont settle

So sorry OP. Really feeling for you 💐

Agree with many other pps. Pack then leave (home or hotel). Just walk out, no scene or conversation. Leave the "teenagers" to their party.

I think I'd go if possible. But really, if you don't manage that because you are what upset, it ok to show your emotions. The younger couple might think you are a party pooper or whatever but fuck em. It's no way for a forty something to treat his marriage. Perhaps it's poor communication but it is disrespectful to treat you like this.

Might be worth staying and tomorrow telling him how you felt, maybe you'll have an honest discussion or maybe he'll be defensive/hostile. But if so that will give you information. I'd risk losing dignity for a bit of honesty. Sometimes you can't avoid the messy stuff.

Have you found somewhere to go OP?