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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask do you trust your OH 100%

178 replies

namechange14 · 27/07/2019 15:24

Name changed for this but post regularly.

I see a lot of post's on here about people & their DH/DW about phone passwords and trust etc

So AIBU to ask do you trust your OH 100% and if not why/in what way?

I know if my DH went on a night out with the lads or similar I could trust him 100% to not even look at another woman! But I would be sat wondering if he was tempted to take drugs... So I guess it depends what way you look at trust!

OP posts:
Hidingwhoiam · 27/07/2019 16:54

I know he wouldn't look at another woman in a sexual way,

So it what way does he look at them?

InsertFunnyUsername · 27/07/2019 16:54

What i find interesting is the examples people give for trusting "know each others passwords/joint bank/know each others secrets" etc, when it's been proven over and over these things make no difference.

If you trust your partner its for his character alone, I trust him as much as i possibly can (i dont think it could ever be 100%) and dont sit at home worrying what hes up to etc.

SandyY2K · 27/07/2019 16:55

I guess there is trust in different areas of life.

I trust him never to take drugs.

He never gets drunk.

He would never get us into financial difficulties. I read about men gambling away the rent or the savings.

He's not one to chase women. He's very into his hobbies and interests.

I certainly wouldn't trust him to declare full finances in the event of a divorce.

AgentProvocateur · 27/07/2019 16:56

I trust 100% that he would never look at another woman. I don’t trust him to only stay out for “two pints”. But even if he was out till 6am (he wouldn’t be - we’re old! 😂) I would know it wouldn’t be because he’d met a woman.

Lindormilk · 27/07/2019 16:56

I trust my DH. He doesn’t drink, so doesn’t go out. Happy to stay home. Goes to the odd football match and that is with one of the kids. I know his phone code as he doesn’t understand it (technophobe🙄) so usually he gives it to me to sort!

Slazengerbag · 27/07/2019 16:56

I trust my husband 100%. Of course he looks at other women and finds them attractive but I trust him not to act on those thoughts, the same as he trusts me. I know his passwords for everything and he knows mine. We have never looked at each other’s texts or emails snooping, but he will often ask me to open his texts and reply for him when he’s washing up or something.

We go away separately a few times a year for a weekend for our hobbies and it’s never crossed my mind that he might be unfaithful. When I’m away friends husbands text and call them constantly ‘checking in’ and asking lots of questions about what they are doing, who they are with. They then have to send photos to show them what they are doing. I couldn’t live like that - having to prove what I was doing and I also couldn’t live with the thinking they were up to no good.

InsertFunnyUsername · 27/07/2019 16:57

Plus ive made some incredibly shitty decisions before but dont think im an untrustworthy person, things change, life happens and shit hits the fan sometimes.

Tutlefru · 27/07/2019 16:57

I don’t trust anyone 100%.

Yogagirl123 · 27/07/2019 16:57

I completely trust my DH, as he does me. We have been together over 30 years.

Elliemayclampett · 27/07/2019 16:58

I did trust my OH 100%and would never dream he could cheat on me... until he did.

MoominKitty · 27/07/2019 16:59

I trust mine as much as it is humanly possible to trust another person and he's the first partner I've ever felt able to do so. We share a tablet and computer and we have access to each others phones but nether of us feel the need to snoop. We are both introverts though with very similar morals, likes and dislikes so that helps a lot too 😂.

JacquesHammer · 27/07/2019 16:59

I couldn’t live like that - having to prove what I was doing and I also couldn’t live with the thinking they were up to no good

I think there’s varying degrees though. I would never trust anyone 100%, I don’t however worry about what might happen.

MsHopey · 27/07/2019 17:00

99.9% trusthl him.
The niggling feeling is more that plenty of people have 100% trusted their partners and still ended up with a cheating shitbag for a spouse. So its not my husbands actions that make me worry, its more the actions of humans in general.

SandyY2K · 27/07/2019 17:01

Having passwords, doesn't prevent someone cheating and it really doesn't equate to trust.

There's so many apps and other methods to cover your tracks if you've got any common sense.

There's also having a burner phone and a whole separate cheat kit.

WeCameToDance · 27/07/2019 17:01

I trust him more than I trust myself if I'm being totally honest. However he is aware that I'm probably more fallible than him. I trust him to always put our children first and can hand on heart say that I'm 100% sure he would always do the best for them. I'm 99.9% sure he would never cheat but I don't believe anybody should trust somebody 100%.

formerbabe · 27/07/2019 17:02

its normal for men or women to look at others but what I mean is, I know he wouldn't look at another woman in a sexual way, or sit there and say to his friends "oh shes sexy

Yes, I knew that's what you meant. I still think you're deluded.

fancynancyclancy · 27/07/2019 17:04

I think there’s varying degrees though. I would never trust anyone 100%, I don’t however worry about what might happen.

Exactly I can access partners phone but wouldn’t ever look for evidence. If he was home late I’d be more worried re an accident but I still wouldn’t trust 100% as MsHopey says it’s more about human nature.

Tennesseewhiskey · 27/07/2019 17:04

I trust 100% that he would never look at another woman.

Eh? Why would you believe he has never looked at another woman, or have to trust that he wouldnt.

People look at other people, it's really not a big deal.

I also dont believe in unconditional love between partners or married couples.

I trust DP as much as I trust anyone. I dont worry he will cheat.

I dont believe 100% he wouldnt. People always surprise us, in good and bad ways.

Fizzysours · 27/07/2019 17:04

I am a bit weird as in... I do not trust my OH totally, he was a man tart when I met him and women always really like him... I have had close friends tell me they crushed on him when they first met him (found that a bit creepy tbh). BUT I know he loves me more than anything and I 100% trust him to always be there. He loved me fat, thin, as a
SAHM, manic full time teacher, happy, very sad. He always loves me. I don't actually give two shits if he has dallied. So I am in that minority (but we do exist!!!! Hear us please) who do not always have the rigid views on monogamy that most of you do. And I am NOT suggesting you lot are wrong. Monogamy is a very useful social construct!! It just isn't a dealbreaker for everyone. So I don't have any interest in checking up on him. He would let me know if he were in love with someone else. I hope he doesn't as I adore the man.

helpmeiamatoad · 27/07/2019 17:05

I trust 100% that he wouldn’t cheat on me. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be with him.

SandyY2K · 27/07/2019 17:06

@Slazengerbag

I agree...I couldn't live like that. However, that is often done when one has cheated and the trust is broken.

It becomes a condition of reconciliation.

I was away with some friends recently and one of them facetimed her DH and turned her phone round to show him everyone.... like proving she hadn't gone elsewhere.

I thought it was utterly ridiculous.

SouthernComforts · 27/07/2019 17:08

I trust people until they give me a reason not to, so I trust my boyfriend, but I am not naive enough to state he'd never cheat on me. I know that the day I found out would be the day we broke up, so I don't give it any headspace - it is what it is.

simonisnotme · 27/07/2019 17:12

I do, because he would not give me half his money if we divorced

Ragwort · 27/07/2019 17:14

But surely women (or men for that matter) who find out that their partner has cheated probably did trust them before it happened, unless you are an incredibly poor judge of character no one is really going to get together with someone & think ‘oh well, he’ll probably cheat one day’ Hmm. I just think it is impossible to trust someone 100%, and as for those saying ‘I’ve been with my DH 30 years and know he’d never cheat’ ... I’ve also been married that long but I still wouldn’t say I can trust my DH 100%. I don’t trust myself 100%. I’ve known the most ‘unlikely’ people to cheat on their spouses. Sad.

Chocolatedaim · 27/07/2019 17:15

It never crosses my mind that my husband may cheat or behave inappropriately with other people (women)in anyway. He has far to much respect for me and himself and he is honest to a fault.

I do occasionally worry, if he is with certain pals, a couple of drinks will turn into many drinks and DH totally loses his appetite when he drinks so can get drunk very quickly (I’m talking 5pints)

However he is a grown man so he can sort himself out. We do know each other’s passcodes, they are both the same, but I’m not interested in looking at his phone, it would be full of pictures of trainers and discussions with his best friend about football or music, very dull Smile

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