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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask do you trust your OH 100%

178 replies

namechange14 · 27/07/2019 15:24

Name changed for this but post regularly.

I see a lot of post's on here about people & their DH/DW about phone passwords and trust etc

So AIBU to ask do you trust your OH 100% and if not why/in what way?

I know if my DH went on a night out with the lads or similar I could trust him 100% to not even look at another woman! But I would be sat wondering if he was tempted to take drugs... So I guess it depends what way you look at trust!

OP posts:
Greyhound22 · 27/07/2019 15:40

I do trust mine.

Honestly don't think he would look at another woman - he's more interested in his hobbies and doesn't drink. I pretty much know where he is all the time.

I don't trust him not to spend money on something ridiculous.

I would never say 100% as it never pays to be smug as I've seen it bite so many women on the arse.

Grumpos · 27/07/2019 15:46

I think there’s a difference between trusting your partner 100% and believing nothing would ever happen to trusting them 100% but being open the possibility that people are only human and mistakes happen, people fuck up and relationships get tested.

I trust my partner to no purposely hurt me, to not seek out to cheat or disrespect me and our relationship but I am not naive enough to believe there is NO possibility that one day his head wouldn’t be genuinely turned.

MoreFrog · 27/07/2019 15:48

Nope. I used to, until he behaved badly on a sport holiday with friends, friends of both of us. I wouldn't have believed it of him until then, and trusted him 100%. I don't now although I doubt he'd do it again. I don't trust anyone 100%

dayswithaY · 27/07/2019 15:48

You should never trust anyone 100% you need to protect yourself. Lovely, kind, gentle people with the highest morals still have needs and an ego and they make mistakes. Humans aren't robots, I've seen it happen too many times to fully trust anyone, we're all just bumbling along trying to do the right thing.

Original poster
namechange14 · 27/07/2019 15:49

@TidyDancer I wouldn't say its naive, I trust my DH because I knew him before we got together, he was with an absolute cu•t for 10 years, she didn't even have sex with him but he never cheated on her because he thinks its the worst thing a person can do (and he is also petrified of getting an STI 🤣) what he did do to cope with the relationship though was take cocaine, he stopped taking it years before we got together but its the 1 thing I wouldn't trust him with!

OP posts:
DontTalkBloodyDaft · 27/07/2019 15:51

Yes but......
Right from day 1 I've told him that if he ever raises his hand to me or his dick to another woman then he's gone. He knows I mean it too, so there's his choice.
So far, his choice has always been the correct one.
We know each others passwords for stuff as we have the same one. I don't check anything of his, I can't be arsed to.
We have a joint bank account, but only I have the card as he broke his and didn't bother replacing it.

DCIRozHuntley · 27/07/2019 15:52

I trust him as much as it's possible to trust a partner. It doesn't cross my mind that he'll be off cheating when he's on a lads' weekend away or night out. However, I trust myself and my instincts more (you can never truly know what goes on in someone else's head) so I'd follow up on any dodgy behaviour or "a bad feeling" pronto.

Bezalelle · 27/07/2019 15:52

I trust him not to do anything with other women, but I don't 100% trust him not to get into a fight. He's a bit of a white knight and it scares me to think he might step in to defend someone and end up hurt or worse.

formerbabe · 27/07/2019 15:54

I know if my DH went on a night out with the lads or similar I could trust him 100% to not even look at another woman!

All the lolz at this

Bless you

Original poster
namechange14 · 27/07/2019 15:56

@formerbabe all the lolz? Are you 15 🤣

OP posts:
1DoesNotSimplyWalkIntoMordor · 27/07/2019 16:00

I trusted my stbxh 100%, never checked his phone, emails or social media, never checked up on his whereabouts when we weren't out together. We are now mid divorce because of his adultery, so maybe I shouldn't have been so trusting.

Would I be that trusting again? I don't think so.

Itsreallyallovernow · 27/07/2019 16:01

Always trusted mine fully and unequivocally. Never ever checked his phone or even felt the need.

However we split up very recently and he is already in a relationship with someone else who has plastered pictures of the 2 of them all over social media. Either they've been together a month and she's super keen or they started something while we were still togrther which makes me think my absolute trust in him was misplaced.

Takemetovegas · 27/07/2019 16:02

No way. My DH is such a good catch that I'm sure he has had some amazing offers. I would expect him to (as I would) look and enjoy himself when he's out without me.

I trust him a lot not to actually cheat but who knows. I do think that he's a terrible liar though and I'd know if he'd been cheating straight away.

Hidingwhoiam · 27/07/2019 16:02

Dont trust anyone 100%. Perosaly I think it's stupid to. Everyone does stupid stuff sometimes.

When people say 'he wouldnt look at another woman's and I trust him to not even look at another woman's, do you actually mean look?

What's the issue with anyone looking at someone else?

MrsBobDylan · 27/07/2019 16:03

I trust my dh more than anyone else in the world including myself. However, I had a corrosive childhood and am always 'on guard' in case I need to protect myself.

I do trust that he loves me unconditionally. I missed out on that sort of love from my parents so to find it in a partner still fills me with awe and wonder.

icannotremember · 27/07/2019 16:05

I don't think any human can be trusted 100%. But I trust my husband above anyone else on the planet. I am as sure as I can be that he won't do something to break the big 'rules' of our relationship and that he doesn't lie to me. It's possible he would, of course. But it's not likely.

JacquesHammer · 27/07/2019 16:06

I am as sure as I can be

I think this is a really important statement, and illustrates perfectly what we actually mean by “trust”.

DramaAlpaca · 27/07/2019 16:07

DH & I trust each other as much as either of us could trust anyone. Trust is what our 30 plus years relationship is built on. Whether that's 100% I don't know, maybe not quite, but what we have is good enough for both of us.

TrailGrazer · 27/07/2019 16:07

I completely trust my DH.

Over 15 years he's never, not once, given me any reason not to. He's loyal, kind, funny, and adores me (still not sure why...).

Some men wouldn't ever cheat, betray or lie to their spouse.

My DH is one of them, I married the best man on the plant.

sorry for the vom

Yabbers · 27/07/2019 16:11

Yes I do. But any time I mention it on here I’m told I’m an idiot and one day he will run off and do the dirty. People can’t see that says a lot more about them and their relationship than it does about me and mine.

sheshootssheimplores · 27/07/2019 16:11

I trust him 99.9%.

JacquesHammer · 27/07/2019 16:13

I genuinely don’t understand how you can trust someone 100%.

You can never, ever say as an absolute fact “my partner won’t do x”, it’s impossible to place absolutes on another sentient being.

Yabbers · 27/07/2019 16:14

I would never say 100% as it never pays to be smug as I've seen it bite so many women on the arse.

Why is it smug? I’m happy my husband can be trusted. I’d someone asks I’ll tell them that. I’m not smug about it, it’s just how my life is.

implantsandaDyson · 27/07/2019 16:16

I trust him more than I trust anybody else in the world but I don't trust anybody 100%. You never know somebody inside out including predicting what they will do and I include myself in that. I don't look at his phone/emails, open his post etc and he doesn't to me. I couldn't trust him more but he's not infallible and I'm not naive.

Screamanger · 27/07/2019 16:17

Yes 100% without question.

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