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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH has disappeared and left son at a festival

945 replies

dogletsrock · 27/07/2019 00:04

My DH is a recovering alcoholic and has seemed to be doing really well. He took my 15 year old son to a festival today at the other end of the country. At about 7pm he told my son he was going to the toilet and has not been heard of since. My son has Aspergers and is in the tent really scared. I cannot get there until 11 o’clock tomorrow as they have the car and I will have to get a train. On one hand I am beyond angry but also terrified as he has tried to kill himself when drunk before. I am beside myself with worry. What can I do?

OP posts:
Neighneigh · 27/07/2019 00:38

Does your son have WhatsApp? If he gets a number from them, could he send them a photo of a Google map blue dot where he is?

IsobelRae23 · 27/07/2019 00:39

Be careful with how much battery ds has on his phone. You don’t want him running out and not be able to contact you or you him. Hope everything turns out ok.

TheInvestigator · 27/07/2019 00:40

Oh, your poor son. But you've been there for him and talking to him, and now you've got him help so you have done everything you can. They will help him there and you can get there tomorrow. It will be alright.

Once you've heard from them all and know your son is able to sleep, you need to sleep too and then you can be prepared for whatever tomorrow brings regarding your husband.

browzingss · 27/07/2019 00:40

How scary for your poor son!

I can see why you’re worried as this is out of character for your (sober) husband - hopefully everything is oky

drunkenflamingo2 · 27/07/2019 00:40

I've worked the medical/welfare service at lots of festivals. They are really good and well equipped for this sort of eventually.

You just need to ask your son to access the nearest security guard. There will be one on every gate, loads on campsite, ones by the stage etc. If he tells them his dad has gone missing they will be very helpful. It doesn't matter which one he speaks to they are all connected by radio.

You should then ask your son to give his phone to them, you talk to them and explain what's happened.

They will take your son to the welfare area and look after him until his father is found/you can get there in the morning. All the welfare services run 24/7, they have proper beds, food, hot drinks etc.

Welfare will communicate the incident to festival production team who will contact the police on site etc.

NC4Now · 27/07/2019 00:42

I used to work for the police. Not an officer, I worked in comms.
One of the main policing priorities is protecting vulnerable people. I think both your husband and your son fall into this.
I’m sure it will all be fine, but it’s worrying for you Flowers

musicalkittens · 27/07/2019 00:42

@SleepingStandingUp can you contact the team there at all? Maybe op's dh could be with them... (probably unlikely but hopefully...)
OP has your son had something to eat this evening? You might need to make sure he's physically sorted while you wait for info. Hopefully on site police will contact you soon and they can help. As someone else said, they may be able to get him brought home to you. Does his phone have plenty of charge?

DaffyDuck473 · 27/07/2019 00:44

I'm sorry to hear this op.
So call the police the number is not 111 it is 101.
I hope your son and dh are ok.

Original poster
dogletsrock · 27/07/2019 00:44

Just waiting for someone to ring me back. I just need DS to know he is safe and then I will try and get some sleep. There is nothing I can do about DH. I will have to work that one out tomorrow.

OP posts:
PickYourselfUp · 27/07/2019 00:45

Any updates? I hope he feels reassured by the support from the police

PickYourselfUp · 27/07/2019 00:45

Sorry. X post

MamaOfBothTeams · 27/07/2019 00:46

Oh op I'm so sorry Thanks

I hope your son is ok and your DH gets found soon

SleepingStandingUp · 27/07/2019 00:46

@musicalkittens I've contacted them to get the info above Re location but but n ay could they tell me who they've seen / got with them, it would be a massive breach of confidentiality. Even if ops sinn went up and said I've been sent by a lady in Mumsnet, the team wouldn't tell me.

IamtheOA · 27/07/2019 00:47

Fingers crossed for you... I can't imagine how fraught you must be

Original poster
dogletsrock · 27/07/2019 00:48

He has a portable charger for his phone. God this is a long wait. I know it’s only been 5 minutes!

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 27/07/2019 00:50

It will be a long long 5 mins. Presume your DH not contactable - what an idiot !

user27495824 · 27/07/2019 00:50

Whilst this is an awful situation, and your DH has been a prick, it's a safe festival and as long as your DS isn't in a flap (and I realise he may well be) he will be fine until you can get there tomorrow morning/afternoon I'm quite sure. If he isn't too upset I'd reassure him to go to bed after speaking to the police. If he is anxious the the festival welfare staff should be well equipped to look after him or reassure him until morning when you can get there.

EatsFartsAndLeaves · 27/07/2019 00:50

Before his battery runs out (overnight!) please let him know that any radio (walkie talkie) on site can be used to contact police, and the person carrying the radio will know their own location.

So all he needs to do is ask anyone working for the festival - a security person, a steward, the campsite staff, anyone working on any of the stages, gate staff, even litter pickers - if they could please use their radio to let police know where he is, and they'll sort it for him.

Festivals are generally really good at sorting out stuff like this, I've helped sort out loads of similar things myself in my old job.

Best of luck, hope he's not feeling too scared and upset.

Lipz · 27/07/2019 00:51

Your poor son, I know how afraid they can be and not wanting to leave the place they feel safe. Hopefully he will get some help tonight, you must be so worried x

SandAndSea · 27/07/2019 00:51

It sounds like you're on it and doing everything you can. Hang on in there!

Arizona85 · 27/07/2019 00:52

Oh OP I cannot even imagine what your stress levels must be like right now. I hope you’re both ok

Original poster
dogletsrock · 27/07/2019 00:52

He has spoken to someone and they have told him where to go if he needs to. He wants to stay in the tent at the moment. I think he is secretly hoping his dad will turn up. I have told him to try and get some sleep.

OP posts:
Saltystraw · 27/07/2019 00:53

Hope you get some news soon

Original poster
dogletsrock · 27/07/2019 00:54

Thank you all so much, I am struggling to think. I will try and sleep as it is going to be a long day tomorrow

OP posts:
wheresthewine36 · 27/07/2019 00:55

I hope you and your son both manage to get some sleep, OP.x

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