to think that once your dcs have left for university that they have effectively 'left'?

[IveToldYouTwice]

Have name changed as dd is a spy when it comes to mumsnet. I know times are different now but I left home when I was around 17. Never went back but obviously went to visit every now and then but stopped having a room at home.

Dd went to university last year. This year, her second year, she has rented a house for 12 months with her friends so effectively she will be living there. She also has a job in the city where she's at university. I still have other dcs at home. Her university is in a different city to where we live, around 2 hours away.

Her room is not being used for the majority of the year now so I want to redecorate it and use it for guests as we often have people visiting (family/friends) and our house is tiny and this is now the only spare room. This has been met with wails of horror about how I'm kicking her out and how she doesn't have a 'home' any more. She does, of course, but her room will now become the guest room and she's welcome to come and stay whenever she likes.

Neither exh nor dp think I am being harsh as we had exactly the same arrangement with our parents (exh did come back a lot more often but dp left home and started working when he was 18).

So AIBU?

YABVU. Just about everyone I know came home after uni and most of us stayed there til early/mid 20s. Everyone still had their bedroom until they left home. I'm in Surrey so housing here is £££ and most people moved back to take London jobs which partly explains it but if you look at the news, it's becoming more prevalent.

Personally, I yo-yoed between 16-22 and then went home solidly for 3 years with burn out, earning peanuts as I slowly got it back together (paid rent though). I also needed my family more than ever in those years. If my room became the "spare" room, I'd have been gutted. You don't know your Dds journey and the obstacles she'll face.

My mum rented my room out the second I left, despite the fact I was coming home and working for holidays. I had to sleep on the floor of the lounge.

As long as she gets her room when she’s at home I don’t see the issue.

I did not leave home to go to university, but in the day I got married, my parents told me that I would have a home there, including 'my' room, whenever I wanted it. I've only stayed a few times, but there's never been any doubt that it's my room, even though I know the occasional guest stays. Same with my sibling's room. When my DC left -one for uni, one to move in with partner - I told them the same. DC returned after university and has been here for a few years, but how looking to move onto their own place. The other DC has also made use of their room between tenancy ending on one place and beginning at another.
Whilst I will take the opportunity to redecorate the room, it will still be predominantly for their use.

I do think at your dd's age, and in these times where jobs are less certain and housing is much more difficult to afford, I would not be so quick to change her room to a guest room.

My parents didn’t even tell me they’d redecorated my room when I was away- and they never had guests either!