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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Petty things you still can't forgive people for

503 replies

Milkbath · 26/07/2019 13:22

I have two

First one is my SIL (husband's sister)
She means well, but we're very different people, and she can be brash and overbearing. We're constantly working on maintaining boundaries for her, as otherwise she'd stamp all over them.

When I had my baby, she arrived unannounced a few days after we came home. This coincided with the community midwife visiting, and instead of making her excuses and leaving, SIL sat there and listened as the midwife asked me all the usual questions, some of which were extremely personal. Meanwhile SIL's toddler DC was trashing the house. In hindsight I wish I'd said something, but I was so weak and exhausted. The midwife should have as well, she kept glancing over at sil with that sort of expectant "time to fuck off now" look but sil has the hide of a rhino. Midwife was younger than I was at the time and I think she was a bit intimidated too. Even sometimes now I think back to it and it infuriates me!

OP posts:

dontfollowmeimlosttoo · 26/07/2019 15:02

Father in law going on the piss rather than seeing his grandson weekend he was born

sugarbum · 26/07/2019 15:05

Primary school. 50m race to see who would be able to go to the local stadium to compete there. I think we were 5.
I totally won, but the boy who was at the finishing line said it was Sarah. Beautiful smiley Sarah with the long, long blonde hair. Little sh#t. (him, not her) My life could have taken a completely different route

dontfollowmeimlosttoo · 26/07/2019 15:05

Also MIL announcing on her Facebook she was a grandma ( then saying she hadn't tagged me in it so it didn't matter ) however in the comments where fiends had said oh has she had the baby she proceeded to tell them the baby's time of birth, gender and weight. This was within about half an hour of me giving birth and I hadn't had chance to tell my family .

mistermagpie · 26/07/2019 15:13

When it was proper snowy one year (2009?) and I mean, no public transport/roads ground to a halt/people stranded in vehicles, type snowy, my boss at the time sent everyone home early except me because I walked to work and they all drove. Which was true, but my walk was 45 minutes uphill in a blizzard, in the dark and I slipped and fell over several times.

It was a decade ago and I'm still a bit angry!

Blueoasis · 26/07/2019 15:21

I will not forgive captain marvel for being the reason iron man died. She is all powerful, she could have easily stop thanos with no trouble and had a cup of tea doing it. I won't forgive the writers either.

Jebuschristchocolatebar · 26/07/2019 15:25

Years ago I bought myself this beautiful sausage roll from the fancy market stall. I stashed it in the fridge while I did some jobs. When I came back the paper bag and paper it was in we’re still in the fridge but the sausage roll was gone. My dh ate and proclaimed he didn’t even like sausage rolls. I still think about what might have been😭

Pinktornado · 26/07/2019 15:26

Boy who punched me when we were both 5 years old. I got in trouble for ‘winding him up’ (really I was defending my friend who he’d already punched). He then asked me out when we got to secondary school. Not a chance, matey! This pinktornado holds a grudge!

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 26/07/2019 15:26

I honestly can't think of any, but not for good reasons. As a child, I was taught that anything I complained about was extremely petty and unimportant, although anything I did wrong was a massive sin and a sign of my total worthlessness. And yes, these were often the same things!
As a result, I see a lot of things that were done to me as trivial and I often have to ask other people if this is the case (I learnt to ask MrCarpet after noticing the looks of horror when I told other people about a few things from my childhood). I have a very skewed view of what is trivial and what is not.

thecatsthecats · 26/07/2019 15:31

When my 'responsible, caring' boss happily kept me in the office until normal hours during the riots, even though I had to cross the city centre on foot to get home, the council were closing offices, and my husband had to come get me from the station. We saw police confiscation 8" knives etc on the way home, spent all night woken by bangs and sirens, but apparently nothing to show concern over

When BBC News had coverage of the riots in London, barely any coverage of Birmingham, then when it was much, much more minorly started in Manchester a few days later, it was 'riots have spread to Manchester'. Twats. I still encounter people who think it was 'London, then Manchester'.

On a lighter but more vindictive note, I will never forget FIL calling me boring for switching the music off at my wedding at midnight as we planned, because the bedrooms were all situated around the main party room.

Warmhandscoldheart · 26/07/2019 15:34

HelloGabriel The friendship has changed, not as close as before and only see each other occasionally. And never make plans with her where she can drink alcohol
Shame really because our friendship had lasted 30+ years.

LuckyLou7 · 26/07/2019 15:38

My little sister gave my Sindy doll a feather cut. In 1969. Still seething.

ThingInTheAttic · 26/07/2019 15:42

My DB suddenly going nuclear on me a few days after our DM had died, after a long illness and time in a care home ,by saying I had shown hardly any interest in DM and had left our DSis to do 'most of it' which was a complete and utter lie. And then when my sister turned up in the middle of him shouting, and me crying, I told her what he'd said and he flat out denied it all.
For a start, DB lives nearly 200 miles away so has always only turned up for 'flying visits' when it suited him and even then he never spent any time with mum, just faffed about doing 'maintenance' on her house, because she was in a home. It was myself and my sister who spent hours every week for two years visiting mum, coping with her dementia etc, so I literally I had no idea where this tirade came from. I even used to make playlists of music from the 50s that she liked and play them to her, because she didn't know who I was, but it was lovely to see her remembering all the words to the songs, that's how much of an uncaring daughter I am

In the last two weeks of her life I was with her every day and stayed overnight, whilst he faffed about with the house as usual and barely saw her.
Secondly, he chose to have this hissy fit as we were literally waiting for DSis so we could all go to the funeral home to discuss arrangements, and I was so upset and shocked that I couldn't go, so I missed my input.

He apologised a few days later. I accepted for the sake of family harmony. I assume that it partly came from the fact that us three siblings had a discussion about the sale of mum's house the day before, he wanted to buy my sister's and my share, didn't get the answers he was expecting, and stewed himself into a rage overnight.

We are not an argumentative family, so when they happen they do cause great upset. I have secretly never forgiven him and I probably never will.

namechangeninjaevervigilant · 26/07/2019 15:43

A fellow school mum drove into my car on the school run one wet and rainy morning. Got out full of apologies ‘I’m so sorry, I was distracted, I forgot to indicate etc etc’. When it came to an insurance claim her story had completely changed and it was my word against hers so I lost my NCB.

This was 25 years ago. We still move in the same circles and have many mutual friends. I have to deal with her in a pastoral capacity in connection with our mutual religion and have even been on a group holiday with her. I am always polite and pleasant but I can never look at her without remembering what a two faced lying bitch she was.

ChrisPrattsFace · 26/07/2019 15:44

We asked no pictures of our wedding went online until we had posted our own... MIL ignored and put a full album on within hours. I was, and still am seething. (It’s a lack of respect of our wishes)
I’m due to give birth soon... and I am just not looking forward to increased MIL battles because I KNOW they’re coming!

ThingInTheAttic · 26/07/2019 15:48

Oh, just realised that mine isn't actually that trivial

So, my trivial one is sister ALWAYS managing to land on Park Lane and Mayfair, then gloating about it, then buying masses of houses-and gloating about it, then buying hotels-and gloating about it, and taking all my money in rent for what seems like Every. Fecking.Game of our childhood.
We are now in our 50s and it still rankles!

chuffnstuff · 26/07/2019 15:51

A 'friend' who told me whilst off with severe stress that she thought I was making it up and when my dad died of sepsis, telling me it's because it's hard to diagnose. Made me feel loads better.

She isn't the brightest spark, but by god, some of the stuff that cones out of her mouth makes me want to smack her.

I will never forgive her for saying those things and hate being in her company. I know I should just let it go, but I can't.

icannotremember · 26/07/2019 15:53

Really, really petty and I know how much of a wanker I am, but a friend of my brother's who came to a bbq of his years ago that I was at with the 2 DC I had then and made loads of comments about the fun starting when it was an adult only party and rolling her eyes in our direction when she didn't think I was looking. I have hated her ever since and won't ever do more than cool hellos if I see her. I really do dislike her intensely and it's only because of that one thing.

BenWillbondsPants · 26/07/2019 15:53

My sister 'borrowed' my favourite jeans in 1986 and denied she had them. I ransacked her room and still didn't find them. I learned about two years ago that she threw them in the bin rather than admit she had them. Fucking seething.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 26/07/2019 15:57

A neighbour kicked our cat (at least 30 years ago), witnessed by my DM (who told her off for it at the time). DM is long gone but she could hold a grudge and I'm my mother's daughter so every time I see this woman I think "I bloody hate you, you kicked my cat" and pointedly blank her.

hoolahoolahoop · 26/07/2019 15:59

Not getting a thank you card for a friends wedding now 18m's ago and I know she sent them to others. She gave us £30 which I thought was low 6m previously so I gave her £30 back. And for my wedding she didn't even bloody RSVP I had to chase her if she was coming. Still pisses me off! I don't talk to her now!

chockaholic72 · 26/07/2019 16:01

A good family friend who fetched up at my mum's funeral in jeans and a scratty cardigan.

Em6826 · 26/07/2019 16:02

I went with a friend to a burger place and she had a 2 for 1 voucher. At the end of the meal she suggested I go and pay, as her burger was free. I paid up - and I haven't spoken to her since. I now wonder if she had some financial difficulties that I wasn't aware of, because WHO DOES THAT?

IceIceCoffee · 26/07/2019 16:04

Family member announcing her pregnancy when people came to see my baby for the first time.
She actually stood in the doorway so they got to her before my baby.

GrouchyKiwi · 26/07/2019 16:04

One of the managers I worked with asking me "what is that?" when I added a necessary semi-colon to his writing. I haven't forgiven his ignorance more than 10 years later.

doubleshotespresso · 26/07/2019 16:08

A now "ex" friend who borrowed my car whilst I was 7 months pregnant.
Returned it to me with so little petrol left in it it broke down on me 2 streets from my house meaning I had to push it in rush hour traffic in the rain for twenty minutes to the nearest petrol station. Was loaned to them
With a full tank for three days....

Still enraged by this nearly six years later and haven't spoken to them since. Never received an apology just a text saying "ohhhhhhh no " on the day . They were very aware of my "risky" pregnancy/terrifying scans and knowingly did this as "money was a bit tight" (as confirmed by a mutual friend who has also gone NC with them since!)

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