To be really cross at DM and think WTH

[Donotpaintitgrey]

I don’t really know whether to be annoyed at this or not, I sort of am but am also knackered so could be clouding my judgment. DF and DC have big birthday few days apart. DD not doing anything originally as DM working on the Sunday so arrange party for DC on the Sat, all good.

Couple of weeks ago DM asks what we’re doing on the Monday as she’s thinking of going out for supper for DF’s bday. Yes great obviously we’ll be there. Asks if In-laws will still be around as visiting for DC’s party. My answer no they’ll have gone home they’re just coming for the long weekend.

Last week I asked if she’d consider arranging it as alunch or early around 5pm - just makes it easier with DC and bedtime. He response in hushed tones, well no it has to stay as supper as it’s booked now and there’s quite a lot of people coming as a surprise - originally she’d intimated it was just fam. Pressed her for details this week and she said she’d booked x restaurant for 8:30pm. I was like riiiggghhhhht and what are we supposed to do with DC?!? Response was well won’t DFIL & MIL still be here, well a) no as I told you two weeks ago they wouldn’t and b) was she expecting us to come and and in-laws to sit - bearing in mind DH have been together for years and for much of that we’ve all spent Xmas and Easters together as a family - it would be very odd/off for us to go out with my fam and leave them at home?!? I was a bit taken back and didn’t really know what to think (I honestly think she may have forgotten we have a child). I think she expected us to be coming but not with DC or she had forgotten we have a baby as she seemed very taken aback when I said I didn’t think we’d be able to come?!? I don’t really know what to do she knows full well we don’t have anyone who could babysit especially not who we’d feel comfortable leaving DC with yet. But I know my Dad’s going to wonder what hell is going on when we don’t turn up to his birthday dinner and he then finds out it was arranged at a time we’d never be able to make. I know he’ll wonder and I don’t want him to think we’ve just ducked out.

What do I do. AIBU to be really bloody cross with DM. She does have a bit of form for this and although she is obsessed with DC doesn’t seem to make the connection that I’m their parent, will ask me why I’m doing this/aren’t doing that and I have to remind her it’s because I have a baby to look after?!?

You are over reacting. For special occasions such as this id take DD 8 months and let her sleep in her pram in the corner then just transfer her to bed later. If you aren’t happy to do this then why can’t you leave her at home with her Dad and you go to the meal? Better just you attend than none of you show up at all no?

It's an adult occasion. I wouldn't eat at 5 pm either.

If you're not comfortable with a babysitter then your options are to leave her with you DH or bring her and have her sleep in her pram next to you.

I think your making it too complicated. Feed your baby as per usual routine. Stick in pyjamas, take buggy/pram. Go to the birthday meal. I'd reckon you have loads of people willing to hold or help out. ( If you don't want that, take a sling or books a baby sitter) If really doesn't settle, shrug your shoulders, apologise to your father and take baby home.

What a total overreaction. Its the Summer, its your DF Birthday, why should all the arrangements pander around you?

The arrangements don’t have to pander to her, but need to consider her if they want her to go.

OP, we never had anyone to babysit either, and some people just don’t understand this. And there’s no way on earth I would have taken a 1 year old to a restaurant from 8:30pm onwards. My twins would have screamed the place down and ruined it for everyone.

You can definitely just decline as well don't forget, you certainly don't HAVE to go. Arrange something else if you wish, that suits your family needs better.

It's more likely that your mother thought that either you would get a babysitter or that the dc would just come to the meal than she forgot you had children.

Just go on your own.

I’m pretty sure she didn’t forget you had children OP.....

I wouldn't take my one year old out at that time either because I know she wouldn't sleep she would just be over tired and grumpy, I would leave her with her dad and go myself though if it was for a special occasion.

If it was a big birthday for me and my DH had arranged a surprise party for friends and family, I would be pretty pissed off if I heard he cancelled it and moved it to 5pm because of GC.

I never ever had anyone to babysit when mine were little. I had to cultivate and work very hard and pay to get babysitters when something like this came up. You can't expect your DM to eat at 5pm!
there are also other people attending who want to celebrate her big birthday.

She's invited lots of people. Adults. So no, they can't all eat at 5pm (who does that for supper?) to fit around your child.

Maybe you should have suggested lunch instead, when she first mentioned supper.

YANBU in that 8.30pm is very late for anyone to eat! But we'd take the children and both of ours would be fine with this (2yr old and 6 month old). Bedtimes are a fairly fluid thing here and it means we have flexibility in the evenings, but even if yours are set in stone, one night isn't going to do any harm. I certainly wouldn't expect a group of people to change arrangements based on my kids. Your mother dies need to work on her listening skills, though and I would be pissed off with her for that.

DD not doing anything originally as DM working on the Sunday so arrange party for DC on the Sat, all good

Who is this mysterious DD, OP? Your baby? Your sister? Another child of yours old enough to organize their own party?

Surely in this situation you just go on your own? It’s a reality with children that you and your husband will sometimes have to tag team social events. You couldn’t really expect a bunch of adults to have dinner early on a Monday night as I’m guessing a lot of them will have been at work.

I think people saying ‘just take the baby’ don’t realise that not every baby is just like theirs. Mine ansolutely would not sleep in their prams in the corner if we went out for a meal but were too tired and grumpy to make the experience enjoyable for anyone.
Having said that, I can’t really see that your DM has done anything wrong (apart from forgetting your IL’s wouldn’t be there to babysit). Supper is not at lunchtime or at 5pm (not many adults would enjoy having their dinner at 5pm, and surely if it’s a Monday a lot would still be at work?).

If they've invited a lot of people eating at 5pm or in the afternoon wouldn't be feasible on a Monday as people will be in work.

How old is your child? Personally I'd take them if they're young and would sleep or go by myself.

YANBU in that 8.30pm is very late for anyone to eat!

We eat around 9pm every night.

I don't see an issue, do you never take your dc out in the evening??

I just adjust the final nap, feed baby when you get there, wait for them to look tired, then put in pjs, give them their milk and out to bed in the pushchair. I normally have to walk around for 10mins or so to get them to sleep then evening is ours.

We take our dd out like this at least twice a month

I don't see the issue - it's a one-off for a family meal?

Missing the point but 830 is far too late for dinner 😂

So many people who think all babies are the same!

YANBU in that 8.30pm is very late for anyone to eat!

We eat around 9pm every night.

Us too. I don’t eat breakfast till 2 or 3pm.

I would be eating a scabby donkey by 8.30!!

Missing the point but 830 is far too late for dinner

WTF?!

Redken 8.30 might be too late for you but not everyone. I have my tea after 8.30 every night. Surprisingly not everyone is the same!