To be really cross at DM and think WTH

[Donotpaintitgrey]

I don’t really know whether to be annoyed at this or not, I sort of am but am also knackered so could be clouding my judgment. DF and DC have big birthday few days apart. DD not doing anything originally as DM working on the Sunday so arrange party for DC on the Sat, all good.

Couple of weeks ago DM asks what we’re doing on the Monday as she’s thinking of going out for supper for DF’s bday. Yes great obviously we’ll be there. Asks if In-laws will still be around as visiting for DC’s party. My answer no they’ll have gone home they’re just coming for the long weekend.

Last week I asked if she’d consider arranging it as alunch or early around 5pm - just makes it easier with DC and bedtime. He response in hushed tones, well no it has to stay as supper as it’s booked now and there’s quite a lot of people coming as a surprise - originally she’d intimated it was just fam. Pressed her for details this week and she said she’d booked x restaurant for 8:30pm. I was like riiiggghhhhht and what are we supposed to do with DC?!? Response was well won’t DFIL & MIL still be here, well a) no as I told you two weeks ago they wouldn’t and b) was she expecting us to come and and in-laws to sit - bearing in mind DH have been together for years and for much of that we’ve all spent Xmas and Easters together as a family - it would be very odd/off for us to go out with my fam and leave them at home?!? I was a bit taken back and didn’t really know what to think (I honestly think she may have forgotten we have a child). I think she expected us to be coming but not with DC or she had forgotten we have a baby as she seemed very taken aback when I said I didn’t think we’d be able to come?!? I don’t really know what to do she knows full well we don’t have anyone who could babysit especially not who we’d feel comfortable leaving DC with yet. But I know my Dad’s going to wonder what hell is going on when we don’t turn up to his birthday dinner and he then finds out it was arranged at a time we’d never be able to make. I know he’ll wonder and I don’t want him to think we’ve just ducked out.

What do I do. AIBU to be really bloody cross with DM. She does have a bit of form for this and although she is obsessed with DC doesn’t seem to make the connection that I’m their parent, will ask me why I’m doing this/aren’t doing that and I have to remind her it’s because I have a baby to look after?!?

Just take the baby 🤷‍♀️ what’s the problem??

Or Go on your own.

Very strange reaction from you.

Get a babysitter and go together
Take the baby, it's only one night
Go on your own.

Any of those options would be fine. It's really not that big of a deal. I can't believe you'd just choose not to go.

@1sttimemummyxx why do you all trump everyone else having a normal adult meal for your parents’ birthday?

I just wouldn't go, my family knows to book lunch or an early dinner if they want us there. I wouldn't be upset, but dinner at 830 means tired crying kids and no one wants that.

I’d just take the children, especially if it’s one baby. Not to eat obviously, they can have dinner at 5pm at home

Of course you can take a child to a restaurant at 8.30 pm. What age are they? Young and they can sleep in pram, old and they can entertain guests

Yabu. Supper was always going to be an evening meal. You shouldn't have tried to move the goal posts weeks after saying you'd go.

Get over yourself. Adult birthdays are night time things with drinks and chat. Not everything is child friendly.

Why did you say you could go if you couldn’t make it?

You can hardly blame her for thinking “Yes great obviously we’ll be there” means you could make it. Is she supposed to treat you like a child and assume you haven’t considered your dc before replying that you’d be able to make it? You waited two weeks, until just a couple of days before the event before adding new requirements in order for you to be able to attend. This one is on you, you should have been clear up front.

Our extended family celebrates adult birthdays at all sorts of times to accommodate the youngest generation. Sometimes we do lunch, sometimes supper is at 4:30, once we even did a breakfast. We have all been flexible with the various needs of the kids at various points in time. As they are getting older now it is much easier, but I am so happy the grandparents were accommodating in those early years.

Leave your DP and child home and you go?

In what world would supper be midday or at five o’clock 😳
Also most people I would assume would at work during the day on a Monday so the meal would have to be at night. Just take your child/Children with you. I assume as you say big birthday that they must 18 or 21? 😁

Can't you get a babysitter?

I don't think they have been especially considerate actually, they could have advised you about the plans for a later supper. I think it is very late btw, usually we arrive for adult dinner/evening at 7.45pm.

If you have young children, go for an hour and leave them with your dh/dp.

We usually arrange earlier dinners to include the children too.

There is no way I would have taken my 1 year old out that late. They wouldn’t have slept in the pram and they would have been an awful screaming mess!

But still I think you are overreacting. You have to adjust your lifestyle to accommodate your child, everyone else doesn’t! It’s not a big assumption for your mother to assume you could make arrangements. In this case my parents in law would be over the moon to stay on an extra night to babysit. Or my husband would just stay at home. Really not a big deal.

Leave the kids with your husband. You'll have to do this often, so get used to it.

If the baby is ebf bring with you.

What time were you expecting it to be? If someone invited me out for dinner I would ask what time and then arrange a babysitter if needed, not assume that an adults birthday dinner would start at 5pm. Your kids are your responsibility, not your mum's.

My family always arrange events around the children, so times are usually earlier if we are eating out (I think partly because they have seen my sons overtired and it ain't pretty).If it's someone's house though, times can be later as there's a bed for the littlest to snooze, or we stay over.

However, if it's an occasion including friends, I don't expect the timings to suit us and we'll go out later.My eldest is 7 so not really an issue anymore, he can stay up till 9.30, 10 without any repercussions and he is really well behaved.My youngest has just turned 3 and is a total tornado, but I just ride it out and hope for the best.I would struggle if I didn't have so much help though.

Maybe give it a go just this once?Or as PP said, leave them with Dad.

Take the baby or go on your own. YABU

Go on your own or hire a babysitter
Don't be so inflexible

Can you get a babysitter and/or go on on your own? It's one meal for a few hours... maybe she just wanted it to be adults this time which is fine-not everything can be organised to accommodate small kids.

Yabu. Go on your own or take the baby.

I would not have taken my baby out for a meal at that time. He would be really cranky and spoil the meal for everybody else and I wouldn't be able to enjoy it either.

Could your DH stay with the baby? If not, explain to your DF its been arranged at a time that you can't attend but would he like to join you for a lunch anther day so you can celebrate it then and have the DC there as well.

I would be disappointed to miss my DF birthday, although no one in our family arranges anything past DS birthday as they want me involved in the celebrations, I don't expect them to, it's nice of them to be considerate of others though.

Oh and I definitely wouldn't give hired an agency babysitter for my baby either.