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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a go at DH for being mins late

488 replies

Chickpea99 · 25/07/2019 21:04

So I was amongst unlucky train commuters today and spent 2,5 hours in three trains - overcrowden, insanely hot.
On last leg of journey called DH and told exact time to pick me up. Actually told to come few mins earlier.
I finally arrived - and surprise - DH is not there.
We live 3mins drive from station.
He artives 8mins after I arrived at station. On my question what took him so long I receive cold ‘sorry’ and he says he was vacuuming a car at petrol station.
So he decided that vacuuming car was the top priority and also he did not bother to notify me he is running late.
I had a go at him as it is not first time. He has no sense of urgency and although 8mins is not horribly long, what angers me is attitude.
He says if he wouldnt vacuum the car - theI would be angry. So basically pushing it back on me.
I can not say how angry I am and basically this is going to ruin my weekend - as I can not talk to him atm.

OP posts:
wineandroses1 · 25/07/2019 23:21

And all these people calling the op abusive have no actual clue what abusive is.

chipsandgin · 25/07/2019 23:21

Wow that’s some high maintenance shit right there! Thanks though OP, just told DH how lucky he is (joke!) & he pointed out that if someone had a princess fit like that, or made him anxious that he had to hoover the car they could jog on (bags or not!).

Massive overreaction, seriously hope you saw sense & apologised OP, 8 minutes ffs, you really should have a word with yourself!

maloofhoof · 25/07/2019 23:24

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JockTamsonsBairns · 25/07/2019 23:24

I don't really understand this, though maybe the OP is in London/SE?
I went into York today to catch up with a few friends and have lunch. DH agreed to pick me up from Northallerton, so I could have a couple of glasses of wine with my lunch. Brilliant!
As it turned out, he was about 20 minutes late. He got stuck behind a tractor, then held up at a level crossing. But that was fine, I was just appreciative of the lift, otherwise I would've had to drive myself?
I don't understand the angst.

Sniv · 25/07/2019 23:26

I really value punctuality, but if someone's doing something nice for you like giving you a lift, it seems really unfair to throw it back in their face and prepare to literally sulk for days because they were a few minutes late.

Chardonnay73 · 25/07/2019 23:26

I picked my dh up from the station tonight. He usually gets a taxi but due to being in the Euston chaos and being pretty hot and pissed off I said I’d go and get him - a 15 minute drive. The train eta got later and later due to speed restrictions. I was waiting on that car park in 38 degrees for nearly an hour. I was pissed off but not at him.
He was 8 mins late. I hope you’ve chilled and had a large gin by now. Smile

Itsyersel · 25/07/2019 23:28

@Chickpea99
..you are a complete Arse! Hopec he leaves you for this kind of shit!

justgivemewine · 25/07/2019 23:28

I’m guessing you were hot, fed up and consequently feeling short tempered etc. God knows I’ve had to bite my tongue with the kids today because I know it’s just the heat getting to me.

I don’t think it will really ruin your weekend as you will wake up tomorrow feeling different. It’s amazing how differnt we feel after time to calm down, sleep on it, etc.

However I can totally understand how you feel in the heat (pardon the pun) of the moment. I would be pissed off if I’d told dh when to pick me up and he was late because of something as trivial/unnecessary as hoovering a car.

15YemenRoad · 25/07/2019 23:29

3 minute drive and you couldn't just walk home like most people would? Seriously?

You are completely unreasonable on multiple points. You were rude, and I doubt you have even apologised. Considering he said had he not vacuumed the car you would have been angry I imagine you get worked up over things with him really quickly.

Absolutely insane that you would complain here, get a grip.

15YemenRoad · 25/07/2019 23:33

I can not say how angry I am and basically this is going to ruin my weekend - as I can not talk to him atm.

Fucking hell how many cans of I'm dramatic did you drink today? Imagine if he treated you like this you'd have most saying it's abuse! He's now going to abuse you with the silent treatment! LTB.

But of course you're a woman so there will be those who say you can do no wrong no matter what. Fortunately the majority agree here that you're being a drama queen and need to take several seats and address your pathetic attitude.

If you were on the receiving end I imagine you would kick up an even bigger fuss.

Artykitty666 · 25/07/2019 23:35

Eight minutes. EIGHT. Unless your stop is in the actual fires of hell yabvu. You'll feel embarrassed about this one day. He was trying to do a nice thing that took longer than he allowed for. It's shit. We're all hot. Be a nice person.

CatInADoghouse · 25/07/2019 23:35

@maloofhoof how do you know he wasn't stuck in traffic or got caught up in a traffic jam caused by an accident? OP was sat for 8 whole minutes where her world was coming to an end. She probably wouldn't let the poor hen pecked man get a word in edgewise. He said he was sorry. At least he was apologetic. Most people would have driven off with her attitude. She should be thankful. Shit happens and she and you should get over it. Full stop

maloofhoof · 25/07/2019 23:38

@CatInADoghouse because he said he was vacuuming the car! Can you not read?

Librocubicularist · 25/07/2019 23:39

YANBU. It's a lack of respect and your DH thinks his time is more important than yours. You mention this isn't the first time.

My DF is the same and it really pisses us all off. He does similar things and has always done it.

Agrees to pick someone up from station he always arrives at least 10 minutes late. Why should he have to waste his time waiting. Even though train arriving slightly late/getting to pick up point is already factored in. Every bloody time.

We were going to collect DSis from station. I wanted to arrive early to be there when train arrived as she had baby and luggage. He arrived 5 minutes late to pick me up and then decided to take a trip to the tip on the way. He insisted on driving.

DM had an event and was picking up passengers, DF had gone out in the car (last minute) to get some soil (which could have been done anytime in the 6 hours earlier). Arrives home 10 minutes after DM was due to pick up the first passenger.

Due to leave the house at agreed time. DF sitting on his chair on ipad/reading/watching tv. Apparently ready to go. Time to leave, wait he needs to feed fish, use toilet, decide whether he needs a jacket/which one to take. Get in the car and has to set the sat nav. Doesn't matter he knows the destination/route well.

CatInADoghouse · 25/07/2019 23:43

@maloofhoof so only excuses approved by you can be used? Even though being late is still rude full stop?

DianaT1969 · 25/07/2019 23:47

Are you Priti Patel?

pigsDOfly · 25/07/2019 23:53

Goodness, you sound an absolute joy to live with OP.

Must be a laugh a minute at your house.

NobodysChild · 25/07/2019 23:57

For fucks sake! Get a grip love! You've ruined your own weekend by losing the control of another human being! Your husband should get in his car and drive as far away as possible from you. You sound like a tyrant.

newfence3 · 26/07/2019 00:07

I don't think it's the 8 minute wait itself op is upset about!

It's the thought behind it. Not nice to realise your husband isn't bothered to do something nice for you by being on time, when you had a miserable journey.

My DH has been known to do similar and I would never be upset if he was genuinely late for reasons out of his control. It's rather that he is passive aggressive. He'll never come out and tell me he doesn't like something I've done, but I'll find out in other ways when he's accidentally on purpose late, or strangely can't hear me knocking on the door so leaves me stood outside for half an hour.
Possibly he was hot and bothered too, slightly resented being called out for chauffeur duty, and decided he'd show you he's in charge.

pigsDOfly · 26/07/2019 00:12

Well given that the OP said that he was hoovering the car because he knew she's be annoyed with him if he didn't, it sounds like the poor guy can't do right for doing wrong.

Maybe in future, he just needs to get out there and start hoovering the car earlier. Just in case the OP needs him to chauffeur her somewhere.

FiddlesticksAkimbo · 26/07/2019 00:17

Either you are a controlling dick of monumental proportions, or this is a made-up thread!

OwlBeThere · 26/07/2019 00:18

I think it’s a bit of a ‘straw that broke the camels back’ type scenario, if someone is ALWAYS late it does get massively waring. My sister is like it and it drives me fucking mental. So whilst other people being 8 minutes late wouldn’t bother, with her I’m already wound up expecting her to be late and then when she is I quietly seethe about it.
Context is everything for the people calling the OP abusive. It’s also really really shit when someone doesn’t care enough to be on time for you. It makes me feel like I don’t matter to her.

maloofhoof · 26/07/2019 00:29

@CatInADoghouse being perpetually late is rude full stop yes, as I've repeatedly said Hmm what part are you struggling to understand?

maloofhoof · 26/07/2019 00:33

@CatInADoghouse shit happens, as in he was vacuuming the car Grin

Andysbestadventure · 26/07/2019 00:34

Erm a three minute drive is a 15 minute walk. Walk FFS. Lazy.