Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have a go at DH for being mins late

488 replies

Chickpea99 · 25/07/2019 21:04

So I was amongst unlucky train commuters today and spent 2,5 hours in three trains - overcrowden, insanely hot.
On last leg of journey called DH and told exact time to pick me up. Actually told to come few mins earlier.
I finally arrived - and surprise - DH is not there.
We live 3mins drive from station.
He artives 8mins after I arrived at station. On my question what took him so long I receive cold ‘sorry’ and he says he was vacuuming a car at petrol station.
So he decided that vacuuming car was the top priority and also he did not bother to notify me he is running late.
I had a go at him as it is not first time. He has no sense of urgency and although 8mins is not horribly long, what angers me is attitude.
He says if he wouldnt vacuum the car - theI would be angry. So basically pushing it back on me.
I can not say how angry I am and basically this is going to ruin my weekend - as I can not talk to him atm.

OP posts:
Lind57 · 25/07/2019 22:49

He didn't need to get her at all. He's not her bloody servant.

lostfrequencies · 25/07/2019 22:50

Bloody hell what a twat.

You, I mean.

Isatis · 25/07/2019 22:50

if someone can not plan their time and not let me know - that drives me mad.

But you didn't give him the chance to plan his time. You just issued your imperial summons shortly before your arrival, irrespective of what he was doing at the time and what other plans he might have had. Why didn't you make your own arrangements given that you were carrying luggage?

ThereWillBeAdequateFood · 25/07/2019 22:50

I’d have been pissed off too given the horrid journey and the heat.

Late because traffic was bad, completely understandable. Late because you’ve decided to vacuum the car, that’s annoying. Hoping you’ve cooled off op (mentally and physically).

emmar88 · 25/07/2019 22:51

I'd be livid, but I'm abit if a princess too Smile

MemorialBeach · 25/07/2019 22:51

I can't get past the fact the OP told her DH the exact time to pick her up and told him to be early. Is he her employee? Why didn't she ask politely if he was able to pick her up? And if he said yes and asked what time then tell him what time? Surely it's rude to tell fellow adult what to do?

maloofhoof · 25/07/2019 22:51

@BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou they are occasional circumstances though. OP gives the impression he does it often. If he'd have said he was caught in traffic blah blah blah, that's a totally different situation. In which case I'm sure she'd not have even started the thread in the first place.

Herocomplex · 25/07/2019 22:52

I’m with you OP. It’s been hell today and the thought of getting in an airconned car would have been a dream.

Schuyler · 25/07/2019 22:52

Being irritable because you’re hot and tired is understandable.
Being “Fuming”, not wanting to talk to him and declaring a weekend ruined (on Thursday!) is a sign of a controlling partner.

CanYouHelpFindThis · 25/07/2019 22:54

Unless there is a massive back story

You need some real world problems love !

Teacakeandalatte · 25/07/2019 22:56

Being irritable because you’re hot and tired is understandable.
Being “Fuming”, not wanting to talk to him and declaring a weekend ruined (on Thursday!) is a sign of a controlling partner.

This - if you are often like this rather than it being a one off brought on by the unusual heat and exhaustion I would say he needs to LTB.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 25/07/2019 22:58

I feel sorry for your DH. I suspect her didn't get anything right as far as you're concerned.

IncandescentShadow · 25/07/2019 23:00

YANBU. Its just the lack of consideration for your whole journey today of all days.

CatInADoghouse · 25/07/2019 23:05

@maloofhoof Haha! Nope! Your view of there never being a reason or excuse for being late is batshit! You said "being late is rude full stop" not "it's ok to be late if you keep the other person updated." She was late and he could have arranged something special that she has now ruined because she kept everyone waiting. How rude!!
It was her reaction was completely out of order. He didn't have to pick her up at all. How can an 8 minute wait ruin the next 3 days?!

CrispSandwiches19 · 25/07/2019 23:07

If u were my OH. if of driven the other way.. And not returned. How pathetic are you?

Rachie1973 · 25/07/2019 23:08

8 mins late ruins your weekend? Jeez.

Get a grip

ILearnedItFromABook · 25/07/2019 23:09

I'd try not to dwell on it, but if he has a history of doing this knows you've had a long, hot journey and were eager to get home and still couldn't make it on time (and not because of unavoidable circumstances)... then yes, I'd be irritated. It doesn't exactly make you feel special or valued when someone makes you wait for no good reason.

However, feeling that this is going to ruin your weekend when it's not that big a problem and it's only Thursday might indicate that you're taking it a bit too seriously. I'd spend a little time alone, cool off (maybe a cool shower and a chilled drink), and try to allow my frustration to fade.

I hope he has some good traits to balance out the annoying ones. Wink

mathanxiety · 25/07/2019 23:10

...it is not first time. He has no sense of urgency and although 8mins is not horribly long, what angers me is attitude.
He says if he wouldnt vacuum the car - theI would be angry.

If you have ever received a lift from H or any other favour and in response you have taken him to task for not doing something else that was on the agenda, then YABU and your H has a point.

If this has never happened, or if H tends to save up chores that he has agreed to do until you need him to do something else, and he then withdraws the chore from the vault so that he has some passive aggressive reason to be late, then I agree with Iggly.

Who takes a detour to vacuum a car on their way to pick up a spouse on a really hot day (the hottest ever) when they know the spouse has been stuck on trains for hours?

Who chooses the hottest day ever to vacuum a car even...

YANBU, if your H does this all the time, but don't just fume and let this ruin your weekend.

Plan to tackle your H on this at a later date. Try to destress and cool down first.

Distance yourself from the 'heat of the moment' and then tell him the two of you need to talk about how you feel when he lets you down. Maybe write him a letter - "When you do X I feel Y..."

rwalker · 25/07/2019 23:15

You were pissed off at trains sounds like him being late was your chance to take it all out on him.
Sorry but your attitude is shit I'd make you walk in future bags or not just rude.

wineandroses1 · 25/07/2019 23:17

Wow some nasty responses here Op. I tend towards being kind to my DH. If I’m picking him up from the station, I wouldn’t piss about getting my car washed; he’d be my priority. If he picks me up from the station i pretty much expect him to be on time too. We try to meet each other’s needs. What’s wrong with that?

huuskymam · 25/07/2019 23:17

Dh being 8 minutes late will ruin your whole weekend. Sweet baby jesus, apologise to your husband and get on with enjoying your weekend.

SilverySurfer · 25/07/2019 23:17

NeckPainChairSearch
I think you are getting a bit of a hard time here
No matter how unreasonable an OP is, someone ALWAYS has to jump in with this.

Totally agree, doesn't matter how unreasonable an OP is, at least one person will post in support of them despite 99.99% of other posters disagreeing.

I call them the OP Defenders Club and even if someone was murdered they would find an excuse for the OP Grin

RubbingHimSourly · 25/07/2019 23:18

I get you've had a shit day with the way the trains have been today but in all honesty you sound abusive. You really do.

I hope your husband wakes up, gets his shit together and leaves. I couldn't live like that.

Bunnyfuller · 25/07/2019 23:18

My DH pissed me off because he didn’t want the salad taken out of the fridge until we were eating. Translated: it’s fucking hot and we are all struggling with it. I recommend gin and. Actually, just gin.

wineandroses1 · 25/07/2019 23:19

I like mathanxiety;s post

Swipe left for the next trending thread