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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a go at DH for being mins late

488 replies

Chickpea99 · 25/07/2019 21:04

So I was amongst unlucky train commuters today and spent 2,5 hours in three trains - overcrowden, insanely hot.
On last leg of journey called DH and told exact time to pick me up. Actually told to come few mins earlier.
I finally arrived - and surprise - DH is not there.
We live 3mins drive from station.
He artives 8mins after I arrived at station. On my question what took him so long I receive cold ‘sorry’ and he says he was vacuuming a car at petrol station.
So he decided that vacuuming car was the top priority and also he did not bother to notify me he is running late.
I had a go at him as it is not first time. He has no sense of urgency and although 8mins is not horribly long, what angers me is attitude.
He says if he wouldnt vacuum the car - theI would be angry. So basically pushing it back on me.
I can not say how angry I am and basically this is going to ruin my weekend - as I can not talk to him atm.

OP posts:
Jojobears · 29/07/2019 14:52

Yabu. You need to chill down.
Get a cold shower and an ice lolly and sit down.

mrsw2 · 29/07/2019 14:54

Wow Confusedyou've made it on to Mumsnet Madness on Twitter , if something like this ruins your weekend you need to get a grip. If you'd moaned at me like that , I'd have let you walk home.

Isatis · 29/07/2019 15:50

She does say in the OP he's a repeat offender in the lateness stakes.

Well, she says he's done it before, which isn't necessarily the same thing. And it's a long way from the person who is "always late" as claimed by his attackers.

TheFridgeRaider · 29/07/2019 18:53

Wow confusedyou've made it on to Mumsnet Madness on Twitter , if something like this ruins your weekend you need to get a grip. If you'd moaned at me like that , I'd have let you walk home.

Not surprised tbh. In fact, quite justified.

rainbowstardrops · 29/07/2019 19:24

This is one of those strange threads that rumble on and on and on and on ...... way after the OP left.
Most bizarre

MissingTheMissletoe · 29/07/2019 19:28

You owe your DP an apology

MissingTheMissletoe · 29/07/2019 19:28

Clearly I didn’t realise how long the thread was! 😂

NeckPainChairSearch · 29/07/2019 19:40

This is one of those strange threads that rumble on and on and on and on ...... way after the OP left

I'm not entirely convinced the OP has left the thread, to be honest...

mathanxiety · 29/07/2019 21:03

Chelsea44, 20 minutes is plenty of notice when the drive to the station takes 3 minutes.

If he had plans then he should have told her when she called him that he wouldn't be able to meet her on time.

The OP was clearly expecting him to be there or she wouldn't have been so pissed off when she was left waiting.

mathanxiety · 29/07/2019 21:37

I see you are another poster who believes the OP called for a lift when she was "minutes out from the stop' Chelsea.

It's a real shame that so many people feel so free to simply make stuff up and use their fictions to lob accusations at the OP.

The alternative to deliberate invention is that people can't read.

NeckPainChairSearch · 29/07/2019 21:54

It's a real shame that so many people feel so free to simply make stuff up and use their fictions to lob accusations at the OP*

People have taken what the OP herself SAID and formed a view on it. You are the one posting absolute fiction about the DH and his 'gaslighting' behavior.

You are almost the sole apologist for the OP's horrible behaviour towards her DH. Bullying is bullying. It's not sex or gender-specific.

Isatis · 29/07/2019 22:34

It's a real shame that so many people feel so free to simply make stuff up and use their fictions to lob accusations at the OP.

... says the person who claims that OP's DH is guilty of "habitual lateness".

FiddlesticksAkimbo · 30/07/2019 00:34

You are the one posting absolute fiction about the DH and his 'gaslighting' behavior.

This did seem particularly ironic Grin

Parrakeet · 30/07/2019 00:44

I could've done that:)))) but yabu:) chill and have a bath and glass of Wine. Had a shite journey, is all:)

mathanxiety · 30/07/2019 02:40

No, NeckPain, people have confidently asserted that the OP gave her H minutes to get to the station and have accused her of being a monumental bitch who expects her H to jump up and obey on command, on that basis. There is no evidence at all that her call was last minute.

You are almost the sole apologist for the OP's horrible behaviour towards her DH. Bullying is bullying
Well there's an ironic juxtaposition if ever there was one...

..........
Isatis Mon 29-Jul-19 22:34:11
Quoting me - It's a real shame that so many people feel so free to simply make stuff up and use their fictions to lob accusations at the OP.
Your response - ...says the person who claims that OP's DH is guilty of "habitual lateness"

The words of the OP:
So he decided that vacuuming car was the top priority and also he did not bother to notify me he is running late.
I had a go at him as it is not first time.

It's all there. All you have to do is read the words, people.

DecomposingComposers · 30/07/2019 07:40

It's all there.

What is there? What are you deducing from those words?

MRex · 30/07/2019 07:49

Why have you decided the OP gave the DH 20 minutes notice @mathanxiety? That's quite specific and yet you're concerned about the "evidence" that others have.

The main concern people have stated is the proportionality of her aggressive response to 11 minutes of lateness (8 + the 3 she added for rejected lateness)? 1440 minutes per day for 3 days, plus 3 hours remaining of Thursday and say sleeping until 6 makes 9 hours or 540 minutes. So, 4860 minutes of silent treatment in response to 11 minutes of lateness. Does that sound proportionate to you or is it a very long time?

I grew up being taught to discuss problems to resolve them, what is this silent treatment supposed to achieve other than punishing the other person? Can you please explain.

TheFridgeRaider · 30/07/2019 08:27

@mathanxiety

You forgot the reason he gave for hoovering the car.

Op is a bully. No way around it. If my DH behaved like this and I wrote it here it would be an avalanche of LTB and women's aid contact details.
You know it, I know it, everybody knows it.

Also, I wanted to ask. Is silent treatment an abuse or not? Because on all that threads from women about silent treatment from their partners, it is deemed abuse. But here. Well it's kind of ignored.

Singlenotsingle · 30/07/2019 08:31

You're lucky he didn't chuck you out of the car, with an attitude like that!

00100001 · 30/07/2019 08:51

@mathanxiety

"It's all there"

Yep.

And so is the OPs silent treatment. And her informing us that she will be angry for three entire days. So is her having a go at him. So is her telling rather than asking. So is her lack of response to fair questions.

OP has disappeared because either

  1. she was trolling and made this up Or more likely
  2. got her arse handed to her and is now hiding and won't ever return.

So unless OP comes back and clarifies wall we can base our responses on is what OP actually wrote.

And what she wrote told a tale of her being an abusive partner.

Singlenotsingle · 30/07/2019 08:55

She's very controlling.

NeckPainChairSearch · 30/07/2019 12:20

Well there's an ironic juxtaposition if ever there was one...

Erm...what?

Are you the OP, mathanxiety? It's literally baffling why you keep on trying to defend her in the light of...well...everything? I don't recall levelling this thought at a poster before, but in this case, it's the only logical explanation!

NeckPainChairSearch · 30/07/2019 12:44

It's all there

It sure is. That's why the large majority of posters think the OP behaved appallingly.

Likethebattle · 30/07/2019 13:35

Being annoyed at him being late is fine but to ruin three full days because of it is ridiculous. Grow up!

My husband once left my standing at the station on the coldest night of the year. He knew which train I was on but my phone died on the way home. I stood for 20 minutes absolutely frozen solid , thought I can’t take this cold much longer then walked home, as I reached our street I suddenly saw our car screeching out of the road. He’d only bloody fallen asleep. I was annoyed but more worried as time passed. We laugh about it now and at the time he apologised and I accepted. Accept his apology, tell his his lateness annoys you and move on.

BlueJava · 30/07/2019 22:09

Yabu and I feel sorry for your DH

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