To have a go at DH for being mins late

[Chickpea99]

So I was amongst unlucky train commuters today and spent 2,5 hours in three trains - overcrowden, insanely hot.
On last leg of journey called DH and told exact time to pick me up. Actually told to come few mins earlier.
I finally arrived - and surprise - DH is not there.
We live 3mins drive from station.
He artives 8mins after I arrived at station. On my question what took him so long I receive cold ‘sorry’ and he says he was vacuuming a car at petrol station.
So he decided that vacuuming car was the top priority and also he did not bother to notify me he is running late.
I had a go at him as it is not first time. He has no sense of urgency and although 8mins is not horribly long, what angers me is attitude.
He says if he wouldnt vacuum the car - theI would be angry. So basically pushing it back on me.
I can not say how angry I am and basically this is going to ruin my weekend - as I can not talk to him atm.

*loss of a limb, not lots

Blimey StillCoughingandLaughing - you must have missed the bit about the man being habitually late and letting her down.

Again, I must have missed it. I couldn’t possibly just think she’s overreacting.

She presumably told him to get there early because he's always late for everything, as she put in the OP.

Except she didn't.

The anger about the vacuuming was fictional.

You can't possibly know that and, significantly, OP hasn't suggested it.

Being late all the time is inconsiderate and disrespectful.

But, again, even OP doesn't claim that her husband is late all the time.

She does say in the OP he's a repeat offender in the lateness stakes.

Off topic, but I do wish people would stop claiming everywhere hot has AC. It's blatantly not true. The hottest places on earth are also some of the poorest, do you really think the millions of people living in poverty across Africa, India and Asia have AC?

You were the one who brought up hot days in other countries

I didn't say this.

where you have allegedly lived as a means of reprimanding the OP about her failure in the stiff upper lip department

'Allegedly lived' . Of course. I claimed to have lived somewhere hot JUST to reprimand a complete stranger about losing her shit.

Look, you're doing your best to claim the OP is blameless. The majority of posters appear to disagree with you.

You take as fact the bits of the OP says to support your case, and ignore the rest. You also dismiss the wealth of knowledge and life experience that other posters have.

I've no idea what your deleted post said, maybe you actually answered a few questions that you've ducked repeatedly, maybe you were just attacking, who knows?

You have your opinion, but you're unlikely to persuade everyone else to share it, so maybe it's best left at that, given that the OP has vanished anyway?

YABVU.
3 min drive- you could have walked. He is taking time out of his day to do you a favour. He’s not your personal lackey. Lighten up.

@maloofhoof

@CatInADoghouse shit happens, as in he was vacuuming the car

What part of the OP did you not read? The OP phoned her husband minutes out from the stop. It may be that her husband had started vacuuming the car before the OP even phoned him. What should he do? Abandon whatever he’s doing and jump to the OP’s call? Who is he, Richard Bucket?

@Maloofhoof

Why don’t you RTFOP?

OP “spent 2.5 hours in three trains”. Then (and I quote) “ On last leg of journey (my emphasis) called DH and told exact time to pick me up. Actually told to come few mins earlier.”

Is it acceptable to order your other half, within minutes of you getting off the train, to come and pick you up, like some sort of skivvy?

Isn’t it acceptable to be late when you’ve only been told/ordered fifteen minutes before to come to a place?

Then he turned up 8 mins late and why, he was vacuuming the car. He sounds like Richard Bucket/Bouquet, being ordered about by a vile entitled person. OP – he’s not your skivvy.

The clear advice to this man is to leave this horrible individual asap. As much as it would be if it was a wife ordered to drive to collect her entitled husband.

@mathanxiety

She may well have texted him 20 minutes before her eta...

...it has been confidently stated by many posters here that the OP called and gave her H almost no notice to demand the lift.

Twenty minutes is no notice, unless you're a skivvy. Why should her DH have to drop everything for her preciousness?

@BlamesFartsOnTheNeighbour

She told him to be there a bit earlier

Well there it is. She told him. He doesn't have a life of his own, he jumps to her call.

I really cannot believe some of the responses on this thread.

Of course YABVU

I would have told you to fuck right off love! How bloody rude and aggressive are you? Unbelievable! 😱

Have not these two divorced yet? Such Drama.

“Have a cold drink ready for the other?

Blimey I am frequently amazed by the level of pandering that goes on in MN land”

Bringing a cold drink might be nice, but the idea that there is an expectation of this? The self-infantilisation of women on this forum is mind boggling at times.

Sort your own travel and if it’s hot get YOURSELF a cold drink.

If it was a one off it's not big deal. But I think I'd be pissed off too. Maybe not enough to ruin the whole weekend but if this keeps happening he's basically saying you aren't important enough to prioritise. I also find it really disrespectful when people know they are going to be late and don't let you know - I understand when people are running late (Everyone does sometimes) but nowadays it's so easy to drop a message or call to say they'll be a little late.

@StreetwiseHercules exactly

Actually think YANBU.

He knew you’d already had a horrible, long, hot commute home and you had made it very clear the time you would arrive. You also told him to please ensure he was on time because you were desperate to just get home. He was still late and not because of reasons that couldn’t be avoided e.g traffic, just because he wanted to stop off to vacuum the car first .

“He knew you’d already had a horrible, long, hot commute home and you had made it very clear the time you would arrive. ”

Why are these things another grown adult’s responsibility to resolve.

Sounds like a woman-child who can’t manage a basic task such as getting herself home.

Wow just wow, You sound like an absolute horror.
Spoil your weekend? I assume your DD will have a worse weekend.
I will give the same advise if the genders were switched- the OP hashave both anger and controlling issues and the dd should think seriously about staying.
Those excusing this behaviour would not accept it if it was being done to them.

Actually Pinkout he wasn't late because of vacuming the car- He was late because he was scared of the op's reaction to being in a car that's not clean. Would you accept that behaviour from your DD.

He knew you’d already had a horrible, long, hot commute home and you had made it very clear the time you would arrive

So, at the very most, be a bit pissed off - not because the DH is a member of staff who was 'told' to be there, incidentally - but, to be generous, because it was hot, the OP was tired etc.

A bit pissed off. NOT the batshit, nasty levels of anger displayed by the OP. Very, very different. One normal and understandable, the other nowhere near.

Absolutely no WAY would a woman be told that she was a gaslighting potential abuser (upthread) for being 8 minutes late to pick up her raging DH to save him a 15-minute walk.

My exH would have acted in the exact manner that you have OP

he was an abusive twat.

The word "told" is doing an awful lot of heavy lifting on this thread.

He knew you’d already had a horrible, long, hot commute home

Most grown ups can experience above without taking their frustration out on supposed loved ones.

Also those support the OP, why do you assume that her DH had no plans himself. The vacuming itself would take at least 20 minutes.
My DH occasionally needs a lift and will call when he is on the bus (about a 30 min journey to where I would pick him up) If I can make it, I will, but I will normally get much later - up to 25 minutes ( its about a 15 minute journey by car). He is never angry about my timing and is just thankful to get a lift. He understands that I have taken time out of my day to make his life easier. If you spoke to me once like that OP, you would never get another lift.