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Original poster

To have a go at DH for being mins late

488 replies

Chickpea99 · 25/07/2019 21:04

So I was amongst unlucky train commuters today and spent 2,5 hours in three trains - overcrowden, insanely hot.
On last leg of journey called DH and told exact time to pick me up. Actually told to come few mins earlier.
I finally arrived - and surprise - DH is not there.
We live 3mins drive from station.
He artives 8mins after I arrived at station. On my question what took him so long I receive cold ‘sorry’ and he says he was vacuuming a car at petrol station.
So he decided that vacuuming car was the top priority and also he did not bother to notify me he is running late.
I had a go at him as it is not first time. He has no sense of urgency and although 8mins is not horribly long, what angers me is attitude.
He says if he wouldnt vacuum the car - theI would be angry. So basically pushing it back on me.
I can not say how angry I am and basically this is going to ruin my weekend - as I can not talk to him atm.

OP posts:
siring1 · 26/07/2019 14:18

Pretty certain of she had a dog she'd treat it better than this

SaraNade · 26/07/2019 16:46

8 mins is absolutely nothing. I would wait around 15 mins. 15 mins to half an hour before I got crotchety. Sorry but you sound lazy and self-centred. If I were your DH I would have told you to call a taxi or walk.

IncandescentShadow · 26/07/2019 16:58

AnneKipanki I think it is a case of the straw breaking the camel's back here.

I think so too. I think people are being very hard on the OP, but I have one of those husbands too. Always late, often making me late too. Never helps me in with all the bags of groceries from the car - because there is always something to fiddle with, so there I am carting 6 bags of groceries in while he is nowhere to be found. I've lost count of the times I've made myself late because I've had to spend 10 or 15 minutes hunting him down when he's been given a time for leaving, and he's wandered off somewhere to fiddle with something.

Added to that, the OP sounds as if she spent 2.5 hours on the train getting home from work, while her DH was at home.

The combination of all of that does make someone not bothering to meet you at the station very, very irritating.

Bubbletrouble43 · 26/07/2019 17:24

Personally I'd be over the moon if my dp was only 8 minutes late anywhere, his timekeeping is atrocious. Yabvvvvu.

00100001 · 26/07/2019 17:25

@poopypants

I'm guessing your DH isn't worried that you'll get angry with him over a messy car...

AnneKipanki · 26/07/2019 17:35

I agree @IncandescentShadow

PennyPitStop19 · 26/07/2019 17:45

I’d be delighted if my dh vacuumed the car and wanted to pick me up in a clean car.

SaraNade · 26/07/2019 17:53

Agreed PennyPitStop19. If my husband even so much as offered to vacuum the car, I'd be happy. OP should be grateful, imo.

IncandescentShadow · 26/07/2019 17:57

AnneKipanki I agree @IncandescentShadow**

Its all about being grateful to the great man on here though, isn't it?

Like travelling back to the 1920s...

ladymariner · 26/07/2019 18:13

Its all about being grateful to the great man on here though, isn't it?

Nope, it's all about not behaving like a spoiled brat in this case....

AnneKipanki · 26/07/2019 18:17

My husband is late ALL the time for picking me up or taking me anywhere.
I have to let him know when I have left certain station .. and he is STILL late .
Once , I saw the car there and the boot popped open for me ... I was about to open it when a stranger started glaring.
I thought he was on time .... NAH !
If I am late to pick him up though... it is not pretty.
I can see Op POV .

NeckPainChairSearch · 26/07/2019 18:18

Its all about being grateful to the great man on here though, isn't it?Like travelling back to the 1920s

What complete bollocks.

Thentherewascakes · 26/07/2019 19:10

Its all about being grateful to the great man on here though, isn't it?

You mean not behaving like an entitled spoil brat?

TidyDancer · 26/07/2019 19:23

Bloody hell. I read through this expecting to see that this was reverse and the batshit OP was actually the DH.

I hope this has given the OP food for thought. This is no way to treat someone you love. I feel so sad for the DH that this is how his DW behaves.

ItIsWhatItIsInnit · 26/07/2019 19:27

This is cray cray. I hate lateness but after a "can you try and not be late next time please" I'd promptly forget it and get on with my evening. And that's coming from a self-proclaimed GrudgeHolder3000. Seriously, if it's going to ruin your weekend that's super worrying for your poor husband. Get counselling. That's not normal.

Also, be grateful your husband hoovers the car! I've been nagging mine for 3 years now and he's never done it!

StillCoughingandLaughing · 26/07/2019 19:43

I think some of the comments are a bit OTT and taking things too literally. The OP telling her husband what time to pick her up isn’t unreasonable in itself; how else would he know what time to come? If she’d said ‘You’re picking me up - no arguments’, THAT’S telling him what to do and being controlling. Asking him for a lift and telling him what time is normal. I also don’t think it’s particularly unreasonable to ask for a lift when you have heavy bags in the heat.

The real issue is clear: the OP’s husband was a mere eight minutes late and she can’t bring herself to talk to him. It’s going to ‘ruin her weekend’ (note, not ‘our weekend’), even though this happened on Thursdsy night. That’s not normal. The lateness should have been no more than a minor irritation.

ForalltheSaints · 26/07/2019 20:13

If it was the only time being late, unreasonable. If a regular thing, not.

Isatis · 26/07/2019 23:05

StillCoughing, the problem with your analysis is that OP didn't ask for a lift. She just told her partner he was giving her a lift and when to turn up.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 26/07/2019 23:47

Where are you getting that from? All she has said was ‘I told him exactly what time to pick me up’. How else would he know? If I visit my parents, usually one of them picks me up from the station, so I tell them what time to come. That doesn’t mean I tell them they’re giving me a lift.

mathanxiety · 27/07/2019 06:06

Are you just ignoring the part where OP says “He says if he wouldnt vacuum the car - theI would be angry. ”

Bless the innocence.

You must never have encountered someone who always has a cast iron excuse for being late. In this case he knew how unreasonable he was so he turned it around on the OP and implied she is a shrew and he a poor put upon spouse who can't win for losing.

She endured a 2.5 hour, 3-train marathon on a day of record heat and he turned his lateness into a poor-me fest starring him. Hundreds of women have swallowed it, hook, line and sinker.

my2bundles · 27/07/2019 07:02

He was a few minutes late that's it, it's not the end of the world. Alot of us would have had all u had plus a couple of kids added in, I did plus either walking or getting us all on to a bus. Be thankfull you got a lift.

lawnmowingsucks · 27/07/2019 07:04

*You must never have encountered someone who always has a cast iron excuse for being late. In this case he knew how unreasonable he was so he turned it around on the OP and implied she is a shrew and he a poor put upon spouse who can't win for losing.

She endured a 2.5 hour, 3-train marathon on a day of record heat and he turned his lateness into a poor-me fest starring him. Hundreds of women have swallowed it, hook, line and sinker.*

I must say @mathanxiety you're right in that I had not considered this as the OP didn't pick up on it and point it out.

ladymariner · 27/07/2019 07:07

I can not say how angry I am and basically this is going to ruin my weekend - as I can not talk to him atm.

The op doesn't need any help from her dh to sound like a shrew, she manages this brilliantly all on her own. But hey math don't let that stop you being patronising and ready to defend the op at all costs.....

MRex · 27/07/2019 07:19

@mathanxiety - It wouldn't matter if he was 11 minutes late from the requested because he was having a good long ball scratch in front of Netflix. It's only 11 minutes. Mild irritation for the 3 minutes to get home, fine. Then you have a cold drink and relax. Giving yourself freedom / even a plan to retain anger over something so minor for 3.5 days at least (we're not even halfway through OP's expected silent sulk!) and punishing your OH by silence is excessive anger. If OP thinks this is incident #896 and that justifies her behaviour, then she's still wrong because she should be asking for a divorce and moving on instead of nursing such great anger.

DecomposingComposers · 27/07/2019 08:59

and implied she is a shrew and he a poor put upon spouse who can't win for losing.

Tbf the op has reinforced the idea that she is a shrew by saying that him keeping her waiting for 8 (!) minutes has ruined her weekend because she is so angry.

That leads me to believe that her DH isn't far wrong in assuming that she would be angry if he hadn't vacuumed the car.

Who gets so angry that their whole weekend is ruined and doesn't talk to their partner because they were 8 minutes late picking them up?

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