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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have a go at DH for being mins late

488 replies

Chickpea99 · 25/07/2019 21:04

So I was amongst unlucky train commuters today and spent 2,5 hours in three trains - overcrowden, insanely hot.
On last leg of journey called DH and told exact time to pick me up. Actually told to come few mins earlier.
I finally arrived - and surprise - DH is not there.
We live 3mins drive from station.
He artives 8mins after I arrived at station. On my question what took him so long I receive cold ‘sorry’ and he says he was vacuuming a car at petrol station.
So he decided that vacuuming car was the top priority and also he did not bother to notify me he is running late.
I had a go at him as it is not first time. He has no sense of urgency and although 8mins is not horribly long, what angers me is attitude.
He says if he wouldnt vacuum the car - theI would be angry. So basically pushing it back on me.
I can not say how angry I am and basically this is going to ruin my weekend - as I can not talk to him atm.

OP posts:

anothernamechange123 · 26/07/2019 10:33

This is either fake or a reverse! No one is this unreasonable

whothedaddy · 26/07/2019 10:33

I get you are hot and frustrated from a delayed train journey but using a car for a 3 minute journey is pure laziness. It would take longer getting in the car, turning on the engine and reversing off the drive than the drive itself. You could have walked home in the 8 minutes he was delayed.
YABVU to have a go at hime over something so trivial.

You come across as agressive and controlling.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 26/07/2019 10:47

I think the main question is, would you have been angry if he hadn't vacuumed the car?

PooWillyBumBum · 26/07/2019 10:50

Wow. You had a go at him for being 8 mins late, he thinks you'll be cross if he doesn't vacuum the car, you're angry to the point of it 'ruining your weekend' and not being able to speak to him.

If your DH posted on here I'd be telling him to LTB.

madeabooboo · 26/07/2019 10:51

@thedayofthethreeMagnums run a bath for someone? Jesus Hussain does someone also warm your slippers for you?

thedayofthethreeMagnums · 26/07/2019 11:04

madeabooboo

gosh, I pity you, you must have such a miserable life if no one has ever done anything nice for you, and you can't understand that other people do.

Some of us are happy to come home and have family doing nice things for each other. I am glad my kids get to see what a happy environment looks like.

KarmaStar · 26/07/2019 11:07

Count your blessings
You arrived home safely
Your dh came to get you( in a clean car)
You and dh have a weekend together.
You are so lucky to have that
Do you realise that to many people you appear entitled?I
Don't ruin a weekend having a tantrum.
Apologise and have a brilliant weekend

Milly345 · 26/07/2019 11:08

Should of just walked home yourself

Isatis · 26/07/2019 11:26

You're seriously going to allow an 8 minute wait to ruin your weekend and his?

OP's partner, if you're reading this, LTB.

MRex · 26/07/2019 11:36

When I was pregnant in summer heat there was a period of train delays, so I had a 2.5 hour journey a couple of times. I still walked back from the station or the bus because it's actually really nice to get the fresh air after a stifling train journey. I always have a laptop backpacks and occasionally a wheelie bag, they don't affect my ability to walk.

You told your DH an earlier arrival time and you expected him to wait in the car. There are enough reports about issues with that for dogs and small children, you really shouldn't ask anyone to sit around in the car on a stiflingly hot day like yesterday, it's nasty. I can understand being hot and tired leading to a moment of grumpiness that you waited (though 8 minutes is very little time, even the 11 minutes from your "time" is very little time), but once you'd had a cool drink at home you should have been able to see your behaviour as unreasonable and apologised. You should seek help for your anger management issues or DH should leave you for his own mental health.

ladymariner · 26/07/2019 11:45

You sound bloody horrible, op, and yes, if the roles were reversed everyone would be screaming at you to ltb. I too think he sounds afraid of you, and your rage, and I think he should fuck you right off.

mussolini9 · 26/07/2019 12:32

I had a go at him as it is not first time. He has no sense of urgency and although 8mins is not horribly long, what angers me is attitude.
Is he your DH or your employee? He was doing you a favour AND vacuuming the car FFS. Why make a mountain out of this molehill?

I can not say how angry I am and basically this is going to ruin my weekend - as I can not talk to him atm.
This is worryingly disproportionate, & I think you need some help with your anger & control issues. You are going to let 8 minutes of your life (8 minutes while your servant was cleaning the car btw) ruin the next 48 hours?
That is bonkers, You are making yourself very unhappy. Please get some counselling to address your issues.

mussolini9 · 26/07/2019 12:43

I dont think you should let it ruin your weekend, that is going a bit far, but it sucks when other people keep you hanging around for them.

& yet the OP feels perfectly entitled to order her husband to arrive at the collection point "a few mins earlier" than her train was getting in.
So she's also fine with a double standard that dictates that her husband can be kept hanging around, but she must never be.

00100001 · 26/07/2019 13:19

@madeabooboo "run a bath for someone? Jesus Hussain does someone also warm your slippers for you?"

So, you don't do anything nice for anyone...ever?

Never make some one a cup of tea (they can make it themselves! )
...never share a packet of sweets (they can buy their own after all!)
... never offer to give lift (they've got legs/can get a taxi)
...never buy anyone presents (they can buy what they like themselves!)

..and presumably you never accept lifts, offers of drinks, present etc...

00100001 · 26/07/2019 13:21

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Tana433 · 26/07/2019 13:24

My God there is some spoiled and entitled people on MN at the moment. Long journeys, heat or periods (another thread) do not give you licence to treat your DP as a member of your workforce. Where do you get off with all this CF behaviour, have a word with yourselves please.

ysmaem · 26/07/2019 13:27

Sounds like the heat and awful travelling conditions have made you a little unreasonable. Go apologise to you DH for being cranky and thank him for picking you up. I'm sure he'd be grateful.

Zippyx · 26/07/2019 13:33

YABVFU.

Gob-smacked! 😳

FreddiesMammy · 26/07/2019 13:34

He was 8 minutes late, you barely had to wait. Let it go!

poopypants · 26/07/2019 13:38

OP you and I seem to be on a different page to everyone else!!! If my DP knew I had had a king and hideously hot journey home, he would be waiting EARLY at the station with a bottle of water for me.

poopypants · 26/07/2019 13:38

Long not king

poopypants · 26/07/2019 13:41

whothedaddy walk 10-15 mins? With a backpack and luggage? In over 30 degree heat? After 2.5 hours in an overheated train? Are you mad? You wouldn't treat a dog like that.

AnneKipanki · 26/07/2019 13:48

I live a 5 minute drive from a railway station . However to walk home it would be 35 to 40 minutes along narrow country roads .
I do not think I would fancy it either in 30 degree heat with rucksack and case.

Tana433 · 26/07/2019 13:48

I wouldn't even like to guess how the OP would treat a dog if she treats her DP as she does!

AnneKipanki · 26/07/2019 13:50

I think it is a case of the straw breaking the camel's back here.

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