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Original poster

To have a go at DH for being mins late

488 replies

Chickpea99 · 25/07/2019 21:04

So I was amongst unlucky train commuters today and spent 2,5 hours in three trains - overcrowden, insanely hot.
On last leg of journey called DH and told exact time to pick me up. Actually told to come few mins earlier.
I finally arrived - and surprise - DH is not there.
We live 3mins drive from station.
He artives 8mins after I arrived at station. On my question what took him so long I receive cold ‘sorry’ and he says he was vacuuming a car at petrol station.
So he decided that vacuuming car was the top priority and also he did not bother to notify me he is running late.
I had a go at him as it is not first time. He has no sense of urgency and although 8mins is not horribly long, what angers me is attitude.
He says if he wouldnt vacuum the car - theI would be angry. So basically pushing it back on me.
I can not say how angry I am and basically this is going to ruin my weekend - as I can not talk to him atm.

OP posts:
Oblomov19 · 26/07/2019 06:46

I disagree with almost everyone! The 8 minutes late, plus the fact you'd asked him to come early. So, quarter of an hour. More importantly it's a lack of respect.

rainbowstardrops · 26/07/2019 06:47

You were hot, bothered and frustrated so it's no wonder you vented all that to your DH for being late - especially as he has form for it.
I wouldn't let it ruin your weekend though or even your evening!
I hope you cooled down and calmed down! Grin

Belledan1 · 26/07/2019 06:50

I have sympathy as I have similar days to you ie. delayed commute etc. My DH picks me up from. station. I am suppose to call 10 mins before .getting home but his 10 mins is more 15 and have bern wound up in past. All you need after a long hot journey that you stood up for is another wait. I always text 15 min away now saying its 10. Hope you have a better day today. We all have off days.

Conkeee · 26/07/2019 07:00

You have anger issues and I feel sorry for your DH. The fact he was worried you’d be angry if he hadn’t vacuumed the car says it all

InvisibleHamster · 26/07/2019 07:04

Sometimes the closer you are to the station the harder it is to time. I live a similar distance but also have a v small train station car park. Get there too early and there’s nowhere to park or wait - often it’s actually best to be purposefully a bit late and swoop in and pick up.

I’d be grumpy maybe but not enraged

Mumofone1860 · 26/07/2019 07:13

At our train station it's always only drop off and pick up so you can't wait around for someone. My husband is always late to pick me up and I'm the same! Never thought to shout at him I just catch up on my phone, sometimes have a Costa! Definitely doesn't ruin the day. I think maybe you have something else going on as a 8 minute wait shouldn't make someone as angry as you are.

Also @00100001 post is so accurate!

fraxion · 26/07/2019 07:14

Poor man couldn't win either you'd be furious he hadn't vacuumed the car or furious because he was late. Who gets mad because their husband hadn't mini-valeted the car?!

CookPassBabtridge · 26/07/2019 07:24

This is why I'm glad me and DP are easygoing people. Life seems so much more stressful when you have high expectations.

lawnmowingsucks · 26/07/2019 07:29

It's rude to be late. Fact imo

But in this situation it appears your partner was vacuuming to avoid you getting angry with him and instead you got angry with him because he was late

There's a pattern of you abusing him , forming here

00100001 · 26/07/2019 07:41

@maloofhoof

You said “. I can't abide lateness, no matter the circumstances.” and “aren't. I don't keep people waiting because it's rude. People that do, are rude.”

Are you not reading what you posted?

The man in question was late because he was vacuuming.... Because he was worried his wife would be angry with him....

Are you saying that in a healthy relationship one person should be worried about the others reaction to something so minor?

Yeahnahmum · 26/07/2019 07:43

Hahahah
Also: next time just tell your dh to be there 15 min before you are scheduled to arrive
He is an ass for having a tendancy to do this all the time. And your are u for having a go at him. It was only 8 min and you only got angry due to the 2.5 hr delay. Put it in perspective. It is not so bad.

But i get it gets on your nerves if he always does it op.

00100001 · 26/07/2019 07:47

@Oblomov19

Are you just ignoring the part where OP says “He says if he wouldnt vacuum the car - theI would be angry. ”

Does that sound like she respects him? A man with a wife will be angry at him for a messy car... and a wife that will give him the silent treatment for all Thursday evening, Andy blame him for ruining her “entire weekend”

The OP is a twat.

I get that she was hot and bothered and was cross in the moment. None of us are perfect.

But she’s had plenty of time to cool down, and could apologise... but no... she’s choosing to hold onto to the anger...blame him... and be an arsehole....

madeabooboo · 26/07/2019 07:56

Have a cold drink ready for the other?

Blimey I am frequently amazed by the level of pandering that goes on in MN land

00100001 · 26/07/2019 07:59

Thats not pandering @madeabooboo... that’s just being thoughtful...

RhiWrites · 26/07/2019 08:01

Or he’s claiming she’d be angry/annoyed for not vacuuming when that’s not at all true. Plenty of people invent things when they’re making excuses for (in this case) being late.

thedayofthethreeMagnums · 26/07/2019 08:02

Blimey I am frequently amazed by the level of pandering that goes on in MN land

Confused

Isn't that what normal people do?
Some posters must have a really strange and unfriendly life if doing things for each other is such an alien concept. Wouldn't you do that for visitors? So why not for your own family?

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 26/07/2019 08:05

He vacuumed the car because he knew you'd be angry? I think he needs to ltb.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 26/07/2019 08:06

Ruining your weekend?! Really that’s totally over the top he was cleaning the car! Not shagging the neighbour or gambling your life savings!!!

00100001 · 26/07/2019 08:09

@RhiWrites ... it OP hasn’t refuted that statement....

madeabooboo · 26/07/2019 08:11

Since when has any adult on arriving home been unable to head to the fridge/freezer? The mind boggles

Cheeserton · 26/07/2019 08:11

Bloody hell, you're hard work...

00100001 · 26/07/2019 08:15

@madeabooboo

"Since when has any adult on arriving home been unable to head to the fridge/freezer?"

You're missing the point.

Sometimes it just nice to do something like bring a cold drink to someone who has been stuck on a hit train in the hottest day of the year....

Nobody expects it. Nobody thinks that an adult is incapable of getting their own.

It's just a nice thought.

Like, I make a lemon cake. I save a slice for cousin, as it's her favourite. SURE she can buy or make herself a lemon cake...but it's not the point...is it?

always2ndbest · 26/07/2019 08:16

I work 9 hour shifts in a boiling hot office next to the boiler room. My walk home is a half hour trek which I'm reluctant to do in this heat. My OH offered to pick me up but said he was running a few minutes late so just wait by the roundabout just up the road from my office. I was so thankful not to have to walk in this heat that I was happy to wait a few minutes. However, his few minutes was 45 minutes and I stood there, melting in the boiling sun, getting more and more angry about the fact I would've been home and in a cold shower already if I'd just walked! When he finally arrived, he wasn't even sorry as he told me he'd be a "few" minutes late!! We had a minor spat about the definition of "a few minutes" and I was really angry for about 10 minutes until I finally got home, in the shower and cooled down, and then all was ok again. Don't let it ruin the rest of your weekend, men run in a different time schedule to women.

00100001 · 26/07/2019 08:21

Don't you ever do anything nice for other people?

thedayofthethreeMagnums · 26/07/2019 08:28

Since when has any adult on arriving home been unable to head to the fridge/freezer? The mind boggles

Confused that's hardly the point - they could also make their own diner, or run their own bath

But sometimes, a normal family will have a cold drink and paddling pool ready for partner and kids when they come home, or a hot drink and a bath ready when they come back from a freezing outdoor event. It's just.. nice. Because you live together and you make people feel welcome when they come home.

Has no one ever waited for you with a drink ready?