To leave 7 year old

[HoorayItsTheHolidays]

Just seen another thread on v v similar lines, but I've just popped to the shop with my 5 year old and left my 7 year old at home playing the computer. (He didn't want to come, and he's been so good all day in the heat, and was happily playing his computer, I didn't want to drag him out).

I've never left him before. We checked what to do in most eventualities before I left (eg. Go out back door if there is a fire, don't answer the door if anyone rings the bell, call mummy if you are worried about anything....)

I was gone approx 10.34 minutes (I was glued to the clock!!) But was worrying for all of those minutes, and now trying to decide if what I did was really really wrong, or fine!

My 7 year old was absolutely fine when I got back. Still sitting at the computer in the same spot, and had barely realised I'd gone!

What do you think? Is 7 too young to be left alone?

I feel your dilemma. I had a tricky choice yesterday too: at the beach and had walked to the large play park at the other end if the beach from where we were parked. I made a mistake as I had forgotten how long the walk was (especially in the heat). It took us a good 10 minutes along the promenade and wee guy, also 7, was whining and grumping most of the way. However when we got there he loved it - ice cream and cold drinks too- and happily played well over an hour.

The problem came with returning to the car. Usually I have my 2 much older sons with me but not this time.He would only come if I carried him, which was impossible in the heat, and I know what he's like ( SN so could turn into a huge tantrum). I made the decision to run back to the car and drive to collect him. The park was fully fenced and he was still loving it.

I ran, sweating my face off, taking about 7 minutes to reach the car and drive it to him. He was completely fine playing with the other boys still, but I was so stressed it just wasn't worth it. I had panic in me and I wouldn't do it again.

We have hard choices as parents.

Should add his SN is adhd, so not any issues with his comprehension. But still, even though he was playing with other kids, who said they'd stay with him, I shouldn't have done it.

Everyone talks about what if there was a car accident but I think it matters more about the untoward happening whilst you nip out for 10 minutes.

My DCs are now adult but I remember leaving eldest whilst I took youngest to Brownies, 1.5 miles each way, just drop her off, 10 minutes max. No idea how old she was, maybe 9 or so, too long ago, but I remember she really really did not want to come and was watching telly in her dressing gown

(Bear in mind in those days there weren't mobile phones but she knew the neighbours, plus landline telephone numbers she could ring etc)

In the very short time I was gone, there was a power cut. She thought she would help Mummy by finding a candle and lighting it and putting it on a saucer so it wouldn't drip. She carried it upstairs to her bedroom and tripped on her dressing gown, candle went over and luckily went out. Who knows what would've happened if it hadn't?

Have got new carpet now but the huge wax stain was there for years to remind me...

You never know what is going to happen, so you have to take a measured decision.

Regardless whether it's 10 minutes or longer, what would happen if social services popped round and found a 7 year old home alone

A) they don't pop round unannounced unless you have a child protection plan. In which case, bigger picture.

B) even if they did 'pop round' they could do precisely nothing. This on its own is not a safeguarding concern.

C) I know this because I am in fact a child protection social worker. I left my child from 7.

Roussette that's why obviously you don't spontaneously leave a child alone on the spur of the movement after dark.

Preparing children properly for independence is more work than just being physically with them at all times and dragging them about with you obviously. Teaching a child how to tidy their room and supervising with step by step instructions is harder than just doing it for them, same as teaching a preschooler to cut their own food or a 6 year old to tie their shoe laces or a 10 year old to cook his favourite meal for the family etc etc is harder work initially than doing it for them, teaching a child to ride a bike is more effort than driving them everywhere, teaching them to swim more effort than keeping them within arm's reach in the pool or sea but it pays off both in their self esteem and their confidence to face the world, and practically.

Children these days are taught not to use matches or candles unsupervised, few people use them at all as light, preferring torches, and leaving a child after dark happens later than in daylight.

CodenameVillanelle c)

I wonder whether Butterfly 's mum knows they're bored of Fortnite now and need some fresh air and perhaps should be encouraged to meet up with some friends at the skatepark or catch the bus to Costa or something...

that's why obviously you don't spontaneously leave a child alone on the spur of the movement after dark

Yes, absolutely. She had been asking for ages not to do the brownie run and itt was dusk though and not dark. As for the matches/lighter, it was in the back of a drawer, I had no idea she knew where it was! It was a salutory lesson for me. She was actually a very sensible child believe it or not and she was certainly older than 7 but my point is... you never know what might happen at home. The doorbell goes persistently. The power goes off. That type of thing.

My 7 year old would science the fuck out of everything he could get his hands on if I did that.

Aww, that’s really cute lol. Obviously you wouldn’t leave them alone then but I like when kids have inquisitive minds like that.

I wouldn’t leave my almost 7 and 8 year old alone, actually I wouldn’t have left any of them at that age

9-10 was fine with the older ones , they seem to be managing life well even though I didn’t leave them alone at 7

And ironically learning to strike a match safely and light a candle is something that brownies learn.

They then learn how to toast marshmallows over the candle

That's not really ironic, kids here take it in turns lighting the candle in the middle of the morning circle at kindergarten and learn to light it safely. Learning to light it safely includes drumming in the fact candles and matches are only ever used under adult supervision, and the annual fire brigade visit and fire safety training with the fire brigade.

Yeah I would. Luckily it's also normal where I live. People would think you're seriously mollycoddling and stopping them from developing independence if you never left them until they're 11-12.

No I would never leave my 7 year old home alone.

I think it's fine and wouldn't worry if he is usually sensible

I teresting to see the view of a CP social worker on here to counter some of the pearl-clutching.

another friend's DC in Switzerland have been expected to walk to school alone since he was 4, and my 3 year old in France just had a 2 night residential trip with her school. I'm quite sure they both can be left for 10 minutes when they are 7.

bloated1977 It’s concerning you would report someone for making a decision based on their child. My kid is five and is out playing with other children most of the day. I’m sure I’d be told I’m in the wrong for that but her confidence has grown significantly since doing so. If by seven she seems able to be left alone then I don’t see why it’s a problem. Our children are all very different, stop treating them as if they are all the same. Blanket opinions on things like this do not work.

In many countries the children walk or cycle to school alone from about 6/7. I think we’re a bit ridiculous in this country.

If you can’t leave an 11/12 year old (without special needs) then there is something wrong. They need to learn responsibility.

aaarrrggh I'm/we're only following rules set out by our local authority and the safe guarding team. Only last week we had a 7 year old who had been left by their parents whilst they dropped an older sibling off. Whilst they were gone the child had dropped a glass and they had stood on it and badly cut their foot, the child panicked and was sick everywhere and then they ended up having to have the glass removed at hospital.

I wouldn't op,what if you had an accident and lost consciousness?it might be unlikely,but is still a possibility.
I think it is irresponsible.

@bloated1977 I once did the same. Mum was in the living room. I also had to go to hospital to have it removed.

My parents were there. Unless you follow your child round they can still have accidents.

Butterflyone1 10 minutes isn’t long at all.. also, I don’t think social services go round randomly knocking on doors to see if children are home alone. Don’t be so silly 😂

bloated1977 So one kid makes a mistake and you report the parents of all the others that are fine? Adults can drop glass, stand on it and get themselves into a panic. Point is the child should have been taught to leave the glass and get themselves somewhere safe until the parent was home to clean it up. That one incident is not comparable to most children being home alone for ten minutes. You’re pathetic for reporting any parent that leaves their child home for a small amount of time.

Kids need to learn how to deal with various situations. They all mature at different rates.

I still think not leaving them until 11/12 is counter productive. I’m guessing then you don’t let them walk home from school? Cross roads? You then have a 12 year old with no street sense and unable to look after themselves.

As others say, for the sake of the children it has to be hoped that people this out of touch with reality are not parents, or parents of babies who are still tuned into the fourth trimester or watching a newly walking 1 year old like a hawk and are simply not thinking clearly atm about their responsibility to teach that child age appropriate life skills as they grow, but will do in time...

Well my three are all adults with jobs and families of their own. They seem ok to me... but what would I know?