To leave 7 year old

[HoorayItsTheHolidays]

Just seen another thread on v v similar lines, but I've just popped to the shop with my 5 year old and left my 7 year old at home playing the computer. (He didn't want to come, and he's been so good all day in the heat, and was happily playing his computer, I didn't want to drag him out).

I've never left him before. We checked what to do in most eventualities before I left (eg. Go out back door if there is a fire, don't answer the door if anyone rings the bell, call mummy if you are worried about anything....)

I was gone approx 10.34 minutes (I was glued to the clock!!) But was worrying for all of those minutes, and now trying to decide if what I did was really really wrong, or fine!

My 7 year old was absolutely fine when I got back. Still sitting at the computer in the same spot, and had barely realised I'd gone!

What do you think? Is 7 too young to be left alone?

It’s fine. I used to leave my (then) 7 year once a week for 10 minutes while I dropped his older brother to Cubs.

He knew the deal. Any problems, phone me, if you can’t reach me, phone dad, if he couldn’t get hold of either of us, phone my best friend 5 minutes away (he never had to phone any of us) He knew which exits to use if there was a fire and he knew not to answer the door.

My dc are (nearly) 9 and 10 now and they walk home from school and let themselves in by themselves until I get home from work 5 minutes later. It was actually 15 minutes today as I stopped at the supermarket to pick up the click and collect order.

Things they have proven to be responsible and sensible with by being left for 10 minutes occasionally.

I used to walk to school (a mile, including crossing a main road) with my younger brother at that age.

Far too young. The law here is 14 before they are aloud to be left alone.

where do you live Lalala89?
I grew up in the U.K. and at 14 most of us had baby sitting jobs!

If Lala lives where I do then the law doesn’t just say 14. What it actually says is

“It is illegal to leave a child under 14 alone without reasonable provision for their care ”

I’m perfectly confident that even though I’m leaving my under 14 year old’s alone, that I have made reasonable provision for their care and am therefore not breaking any law by doing so.

It also goes on to say

“What is considered ‘reasonable’ takes into account the circumstances in which children are left alone and the length of time they are alone. Parents are required to assess all the circumstances and make sure that any child left alone, or in the care of another child or young person is safe and not in danger.”

www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/keeping-children-safe/leaving-child-home-alone/ The UK law is vague according to this. I wouldn’t leave a 7 year old though

Have the "if you died on the way home nobody would know the child was home alone" crew not taught their children to use a telephone and call someone other than the one parent?

That and the implied preference for your child also being in the car crash/ run over on the zebra crossing/ watching you die of a heart attack on the pavement over the alternative of being safe at home makes this argument senseless.

I work in a school setting and if a child disclosed they'd been left alone at the age of 7 then that is something we'd have to report to the relevant authorities. We have strict set guidelines for cases like this and I'm afraid a child the age of 7 should not be left alone.

Where there are no special needs and people don't live in a dangerous area then for the most part people saying it's too young are just outing themselves as not having taught their children age appropriate self care and self reliance skills - which is doing the child no favours at all.

bloated1977 that's culturally relative and in no way an objective truth.

Where I live school and kindergarten teachers are encouraging of children over 6 being given gradually increasing opportunities for independence, including being left at home alone for short periods and playing out, and paediatricians expect children to be comfortable being at home on their own for 30-60 minutes from age 8.

I leave my 8yo for up to 20 minutes, but only if I am going somewhere very local, like picking dd up from her friend over the road, or taking her round the corner to rainbows. If I need something from the village shop then I usually send him!

I don't think I'd go out in the car.

I started at 9, not 7. I do think 7 seems quite young.

10 minutes for a sensible 7 year old is fine IMO.
12 year olds not having ever been left alone is absolutely bizarre. Being over protective is just as bad as neglect really. It leaves those children with very little time to learn life skills and independent risk assessment before they reach their teens and are making much bigger decisions on their own about what they do. Gradually building up independence and responsibility from age 7 or 8 is a far better approach.
I don't even understand how a child can get to 12 and have never been alone. Most holiday clubs/childcare around here finishes at age 11 as they are not expected to need to go after that age. 11 year olds here go unaccompanied on public transport to school.

Not my choice but you know your child best. Car or walk to the shops? You are more than 10 minutes away if you go by car - breakdown, overheat in this weather.

Okish age to be left. (The problem however lies if you happen to be in an accident or something andhe is home alone and nobody knows about this) just teach himto go to neighbours house in case of you guys not coming home after am hour orso

also: teaching him to go out the backdoor when there is a fire?!?!

What if the fire is at the backdoor.

Yeahnahmum

If you're child's not capable to use their common sense and use a different door in that scenario, they are definitely not capable of being at home on their own. It's perfectly reasonable advice.

I would feel nervous, but it's your 7year old. My eldest (slightly younger) dc could handle it by 7, my middle probably not... if you think he's ready, then do it.

Holy moly at all the pp saying things about the law stating 14yo. Where do you live? And the pp saying they wouldn't leave their 12 yo😂😂 and the pp working in a schoolsetting stating that they would have to report this to the authorities🤔😅 is this a special needs school?

Come on
Surely ALL of us growing up have been left by ourselves at this age at some stage. (And lived )What is with all this overprotectivness. Surely that is going to backfire age 15 😅

@tribalmotherofthree yup you would hope so hahaha. I just teach my kid that in case of fire: you get the heck out of the house and call 000. Not "use the backdoor".😂

the pp working in a schoolsetting stating that they would have to report this to the authorities🤔😅 is this a special needs school?

This tickled me too. Bizarre! Our school would possibly make a referral if leaving a young child at home was part of a bigger picture of neglect certainly not for a mum leaving her dc for 10 minutes to pop to the shops to buy avocados and organic tomatoes.

There must be a microcosm of slightly neurotic helicopter moms on MN who don't have any identity outside of their children. Not leaving a 12 year old ? Unless that child has special needs it's probably unwise to not allow your 12 year old any independence and opportunity to be self sufficient. It'd be a red flag for me.

yeahnahmum NZ is where the age 14 law is. But people need to read the whole law.

Every time someone mentions that it’s illegal to leave children home under 14 alone, I inform them of all the other bits they seemed to have missed.

Imo too young ..

Didn’t want to get off the computer at 7 would not be a reason to leave them . If you were only out for 10 minutes a 10 minute break from staring at a screen would do him good.

I have occasionally left my seven year old at home while I pop out to collect his sister from an activity, 10-15 mins max. He knows not to answer the door and there are a selection of neighbours (parents of school friends who he knows well) who he can go to in an emergency without crossing a road. It’s fine.

It's amazing how little awareness people have of the cultural relativity of how young is 'too young' to be left alone. There are countries where people would be horrified if you didn't ever leave your 7yo, because the cultural bias is towards getting kids to develop independence early. I'd tend to agree with them, and this idea that a 7yo would need exact instructions as to which door to use in a fire, rather than relying on their common sense, is symptomatic of how much some people infantilise inappropriately - as is thinking that 'nobody would know they were there' in a dread accident, as if they have absolutely no capacity to do any contacting themselves.

As for worry, @ShawshanksRedemption, I really don't think there is much correlation between degree of worry and objective risk. I still worry leaving my 11yo at home alone, not because I have any objective concerns about her maturity but because I'm a born worrier! A friend of mine lets her 9yo cycle alone on busy roads with not a care in the world, when I'd argue she probably should worry a bit more.

I think it's fine. Children are definitely mollycoddled too much these days. Independence is really important and being given some responsibilities to keep themselves safe teaches them that they can cope; gives them self-confidence.