To think people avoid fat people

[chubbysquid]

NC for this.
Regular poster etc.

AIBU to think, that most people will avoid fat peoples? I'm talking in social situations, specifically the school playground.

My son starts primary in September and whilst I'm dreading the school playground politics, I'm dreading being the loser / loner because I'm over weight.

I dress appropriately, i'm very modest and cover up as much as possible.
But I know I'll get ignored.

But I'd love to know why?

Please please tell me, what your thoughts are!

My eldest is in year 5 so I've already had 6 horrible years of pick up loneliness l

I don’t think so

Good looking people will have it easier when it comes to socialising but 1) overweight people can be attractive 2) even if you’re not conventionally attractive, as long as you’re clean and seem friendly/approachable I don’t see why people would avoid you

People don't avoid 'fat people'. That's totally in your head and you really shouldn't think like this.

Remember - no-one is actually giving you as much thought as you think they are. Not meaning in a bad way but everyone has different stuff going on in their lives and won't be considering whether to engage with certain other parents dependant on their weight!

Not in my experience, no. Fat people are just like thin people: some are very sociable, some are very good at making friends, some are introverts, some are not kind, and so on.

Could it be that you are lacking in confudence and don’t initiate conversation with people?

I agree. I think fat people are deemed to be less worthy.

No I don't agree. Parents tend to gravitate towards the parents they have things in common with.

But imo far too many parents see their child's school as a social situation/opportunity for themselves and this often causes them problems/angst.

First and foremost, school is your child's territory/social situation etc.

It might help you to view the playground as somewhere that you need to be, to drop your child at school and pick them up again - because that's literally what it is.

It's a bonus if you make a friend or two but don't start thinking about 'dreading playground politics' and all that malarky, as that way madness lies and it can also cause problems for your child, who let's face it is the only reason you'll be going there at all.

If you’ve had 5 miserable years has that not motivated you to lose weight?

Agree with Stargazy - and would ask you to consider whether what you are experiencing is an example of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you were happy in yourself, it would show. You would be more confident, more 'smiley' and therefore more approachable.

I'm quite fat and people don't avoid me. Strangers talk to me all the time. I think I come across as a friendly person. I smile at people and say hello to them, etc.

Someone said on here that in their view, a fat person was size 16 or over.

But I think it's to do with confidence - do you make eye contact? Smile at people? Start a conversation?

I've spent a lifetime as a fast women studying society and two things are definitely true:

1. People smile more at thin people
2. People underestimate fat people's intelligence

I think people stick to their ‘type’. I know another mother at my school who became more than an acquaintance due to something I could do that was very useful for her (thinking about it now). She was hosting something for charity and I overheard about it and asked her if I could go. She said ‘oh it’s really just for friends not school mums’. I thought okaaaay. Then she texts says someone dropped out I could go (you had to pay to attend). So I swallowed a bit of pride and went. Well everyone was an identikit of her - skinny, younger, all dressed the same etc. I was physically the standout. It gave me pause.

I agree with Worra

A nod, a hello, maybe a bit of dog chit chat if another mother says they are looking for a second chihuahua

No one cares about your appearance. No one seeks your friendship, either. You are all just there waiting at the gates, listening for the bell, watching the clock tick and tick and tick...

I think mainly it’s a confidence thing but people definitely gravitate towards conventionally attractive people. The whole symmetrical face thing.

I made two really great friends in the school playground that have stuck the course, our dc are 18 now.

One was like me a very career driven type and we were the only two wearing suits in the playground. The other has the same sense of humour as me, our sons became friends, so we just got chatting.

Just drop and run if you’re feeling like you are dreading it?

I’m always amazed at the ‘school gate’ drama thread, I literally don’t know any other parents other than in a quick ‘good morning’ type way!

Some parents like me are rushing to get off to work etc, just do that and stay out of it all!

Good looking people will have it easier when it comes to socialising

It can work the opposite way. I’ve known really attractive women have other women immediately dislike them because of their looks.

I am about to go into my 4th year of not talking to anyone.

I am a size ten, size has nothing to do with it. I am just very unsociable

Sobeyondthehills,
Hahaha hahaha, me to , but my daughter is going into year 5 .
It’s a school not a social club and my daughter is very popular and has lots of friends and is happy and that is what is important .
I say hello and smile but that’s it .

Fwiw I'm thin and the loner at school pick ups.

But then I don't really make an effort to socialize. From what I've seen the bigger ladies are all very popular.

I have been both thin and fat (currently a 16), and I don't find this at all.

Men treat me mostly the same either way, as do most women. Some women are friendlier when I am heavier, presumably because I am less of a threat.

Even heavy, I would say I am attractive, but I am also friendly and approachable and think this is the real reason.

So, YABU.

TBH I find people talk to me more now that I'm fatter. I got chatted up by a lively old man today and that's not the first time it's happened. Believe me I'm no stunner.
It doesnt happen when I have the children with me or, obviously, the dh who thinks I make it up! I'm really baffled by it.

Its simply not true,that people avoid overweight persons/ You need to stop thinking like this..If there are such people as you say,,well they are not fit to be talked to anyway.. Just go about your life, just being you,and don't bother about the numpties and nobody's.

I agree with you OP. I think there are people who are scared they will 'catch' fat. They are also the ones who give you the 2 second body check neofre turning away. Never really noticed this before the birth of my children. But with my ballooning weight, I definitely noticed a change in attitude from some people.

KC225,
I’m sorry you feel like this but you shouldn’t .