To think people avoid fat people

[chubbysquid]

NC for this.
Regular poster etc.

AIBU to think, that most people will avoid fat peoples? I'm talking in social situations, specifically the school playground.

My son starts primary in September and whilst I'm dreading the school playground politics, I'm dreading being the loser / loner because I'm over weight.

I dress appropriately, i'm very modest and cover up as much as possible.
But I know I'll get ignored.

But I'd love to know why?

Please please tell me, what your thoughts are!

The only people who will deliberately avoid a person for no other reason than that they they are overweight have instantly done said overweight person a favour.

Those of us who are rotund will almost always have the option (or at least the hope) of shedding a few pounds/stone, if that is our desire, but nasty judgey personalities are almost impossible to shed.

Why's this the second fat person thread I've read in the past 5 minutes

RosesAndRaindrops ,
Haha
Probably because in London and most of the Uk we are having a heat wave.
So if your more than a size 8 you probably have chapped thighs due to the heat and sweat and can’t find anything cool enough that looks half decent on you to wear .

It could .... but that would have either
A have to do with your personality
B superficialness of others

It could work the other way as well
Some really pretty people get avoided by other mums (in fear of their dh's?haha)

So no op. Dont sweat it
People will like your or not like you for many reasons. But if someone doesnt like you for being fat wel then good riddens

Pfft in the UK too, currently far too hot with the ceiling fan going and being out and about in my strappy top and skirt earlier and am overweight. No doubt people moan at me as well then lol
Lucky that #FaceDontCare

@avamiah

I rarely smile, I cycle to the school and by the time I get there, I am not in the mood to do anything other than pick up DS and get out of there

DP does do all that though,

I think fat people are not taken seriously

Sobeyondthehills,
Yes I get you totally .
We walk then catch a bus then walk again then once I’ve dropped my little darling I then catch a bus then the underground then walk again.
So I haven’t got time to chat to anybody never mind judge people by their weight, and by the way I find that disgusting and vile .

As for fat people not been taken seriously ,
Oprah Winfrey has never been skinny and she is a Self made Billionaire.
???

I don't agree at all.

My ds is now 16 and i had 7 years of primary school runs then a year off until my dd started who is now 8 and is going into year 4 in September.

I am a size 18/20 and have always made friends at the school. I talk to people when waiting, am involved in the PTA and am one of the parents that others ask questions of i.e. "Is it own clothes for the school trip?" Etc which helps to make and maintain aquaintances.

I don't need any new friends from the school run, I have my own circle of friends but it's always nice to make a new friend I suppose.

You're over thinking this op. I don't believe it has anything to do with people avoiding you because of your weight. You may be using body language that makes people uncomfortable, may seem unapproachable or miserable etc. That's not an insult to you, it's my own experiences of mums I know at dd's school who stand alone. I always try to include people in conversations but some people quite rightly aren't interested!

Maybe when your dc starts in September strike up a conversation with a friendly face. You will have lots in common. What have you got to lose?

In my experience some people do treat you badly which in turn lowered my confidence with others who wouldn't judge me in that way and it creates a vicious cycle. I don't think many will purposely avoid you because of your appearance, people have their own stuff going on or just might not want small talk. If you have low confidence you might unknowingly appear like you want to left alone?

@avamiah
Yes I get you totally .
We walk then catch a bus then walk again then once I’ve dropped my little darling I then catch a bus then the underground then walk again.
So I haven’t got time to chat to anybody never mind judge people by their weight, and by the way I find that disgusting and vile .

That is my point exactly, by the time I have dropped I am thinking about the next thing I have to do, if I have time to stop for milk etc

Lead a healthier lifestyle and this will follow through to your thought process and confidence.

I think there is an element of truth to your statement, a sense of insecurity on your behalf, and a lot to be said about how you present when being around people.
I ballooned in my weight over a couple of years due to a medication I was on - and yes, I absolutely got the look up , look down, look away thing from the skinny mum brigade and randoms in the street. A friend calls it the "Hi I'm beautiful and nope, you're not" look. It was upsetting, I get you but I got myself over it.

I have since lost close to 20kg by dumping that medication and yes, I seem to be approached more often and looked at differently. My position on this, which is pretty set in stone, is that those individuals are shallow and not worth bothering with anyway. I'm still the same person, my looks should not matter.

Having said that - what is appropriate clothing that covers you up? Baggy clothing ( I found) is almost like you're are apologising for your size, which you shouldn't, and makes your weight more obvious because you are trying to hide it. I have a friend who is a size 22 and she rocks dramatic kaftans , leggings and biker boots with big earrings and beautifully styled hair. Plus she gives no fucks at all. She is one of the most socially sought after people I know. It's very much down to her attitude.

You may find you are projecting your fears of rejection with your body language without realising it as a PP said, and the clothing maybe contributing to that. Avoid high street styles and current fashions, and find a "look" that makes you feel good.

Lastly, have no expectations that you will form relationships at the school gate. Do your own thing, and focus on your child. These are parents of your children's potential friends - not friends for you. I actively avoid becoming friends with school parents, or going to "drinks with the girls"from school as I believe it's not appropriate and groups of women are my idea of hell. ( But that is just me).

And to wrap it up, if you can start on a sensible healthy eating plan, and some moderate exercise you'll be doing yourself a favour. Even if you don't loose shedloads of weight immediately it will start you feeling better within yourself and make you want to beat yourself up less.

And as for why? I'd put it down to some people being superficial asshats.

I think your paranoid, why would you even think this way?

Your post just broke my heart some!
I very much doubt its because of your size but perhaps your feelings about yourself show.
Bugger playground chit chat, I can bet you have some awesome friends you picked up along the way with your loveliness.
Your beautiful inside and out. Chin up sweet

I sort of avoid parents at the gate. It isn't because I'm judging them, it's because I'm antisocial cow and I just want to grab the kids and go. Nothing to do with the appearance of the other parents.

Many of these comments are nonsense. Two thirds of uk adults are overweight or obese - fat people are in the majority. So can't all being avoiding each other or not taking each other seriously etc.

I pretty much 'ignore' everyone at school pickup. Just wait for dd with my headphones in. I'll say a quick hello to those parents I know and that is it. It baffles me why people think school pickup is some sort of parent social event. I'm just there to collect dd and go home. Certainly don't care what anyone else looks like!

Nope.

I'm quite fat. I'm a foreigner too, with a strong accent.

I don't get ignored at all.

I recently had to go on a week long work trip with mostly female colleagues, most of whom are younger and all but one of whom are slimmer than me. Some much younger and much slimmer. I always had people knocking on my hotel room door asking me to join them to go out for dinner and drinks in the evening or shopping and sightseeing in our free hours etc.

I did say no sometimes because sometimes I like my own space.

I'm confident, fairly talkative but always ask people about themselves and remember stuff they've said, and I smile and laugh a lot. That's all people care about in casual aquaintances to pass a few minutes/ hours with I think. Not whether you're fat or thin.

No I don't think so, not really. It's all about how you behave.
I've been the same weight - size 24 - for two sets of kids through primary. With the first, my twins, I made an effort and always had people to chat to and made good friends.
With my youngest, I didn't feel the need to make another group of friends, didn't insert myself into conversations and stand on my own by choice. No one approaches me but it's definitely my manner not my appearance.

If school pick up is your only evidence. I would say not. That is dire regardless of size

So if your more than a size 8 you probably have chapped thighs due to the heat and sweat and can’t find anything cool enough that looks half decent on you to wear .

I will assume you're taking the piss.

I think yabu op, weight doesn't enter my head when deciding who to talk to. I am slim, but above a size 8 without chapped thighs and I don't really have any good school hate friends, I have a few acquaintances who I'd chat with sometimes but really that's it. Cba with the politics of it, just want to pick my child up and leave.

People gravitate towards people like them. If there were multiple mums standing on their own I would probably approach the one who dressed a bit like me, didn’t wear a ton of makeup and isn’t the best looking. When you are presented with new situations you look for things that are familiar.

You see it all the time. Groups of people who look quite similar.

Obviously this is all just first impressions. You soon work out which people you actually have the most in common with and that’s far more important than looks. My local mum friendship group is extremely diverse. We all look and sounds totally different but we’re on the same wavelength for most things.

Also, if you lack confidence because you’re anticipating being ignored you’re probably projecting that without even realising. If you’re standing apart from everyone and not making eye contact then you’re likely to be ignored.

1. people who would do this to you are pricks and are not worth talking to anyway

2. are you sure you want to form school gate relationships anyway? I mean, there’s being courteous and polite chat but have a think about whether you would want to be actual mates with them.