To think people avoid fat people

[chubbysquid]

NC for this.
Regular poster etc.

AIBU to think, that most people will avoid fat peoples? I'm talking in social situations, specifically the school playground.

My son starts primary in September and whilst I'm dreading the school playground politics, I'm dreading being the loser / loner because I'm over weight.

I dress appropriately, i'm very modest and cover up as much as possible.
But I know I'll get ignored.

But I'd love to know why?

Please please tell me, what your thoughts are!

I know someone v overweight who never speaks to anyone on the school run. Nobody speaks to her because she never smiles or engages with anyone, so people assume she wants to be left alone. Otherwise how do you account for the many other people who are a similar size and weight to her who have plenty of friends to talk to? Are you saying that at your school there's a whole crowd of overweight people who get totally excluded?! Weight has zilch to do with popularity except insofar as it affects your own ability to approach others. Social anxiety is shit though, no question about that.

I'm fat. I'm 5'2" and a size 18-20. I'm always nattering to people at checkouts, or at the bus stop I seem to end up in a conversation with someone else there more often than not. Same throughout all the years of the primary school playground. Not every day of course, but I can't say I've never felt ignored because of my size- it's just never occurred to me.

I think it's just that I'm usually naturally chatty and find it easy to make small talk. But there are times when in certain social situations I find it very difficult, e.g parties, I have had a close friend say that at those times I give off an air of being little aloof. It's shyness, not aloofness, but I can totally see how I might seem a bit unapproachable. Sometimes, I think that if we are expecting people not to talk to us, we can somehow give off those 'don't talk to me' vibes and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. But I'm not sure that's got anything to do with our weight/looks/etc.

I don't think the person on this thread who said she has nothing in common with fat people is a troll. There are all kinds of people in real life with very objectionable beliefs and values. Do you seriously want to be friends with someone like that? I personally don't give a fuck if someone like that judges me.
And for the record most of my friends are incredibly sporty as I have played sport for over 40 years at an amateur level. I am also fat. None of my very sporty friends seem to care.

As a fat person myself, I know some people wouldn’t want to be friends with me, consciously or not, because of my appearance. Quite why you’d willingly mark yourself out as that arsehole, I’ve no idea. Probably just to assert your own superiority, I assume. And to make the OP and other fat people feel bad.

I've realised from the responses that my mind is in a very shadowy place - I am painfully relieved that the consensus is that my theory is hopefully nonsense - but I'm saddened that I have put myself in such a box where my default setting is one where I believe people look down on me

I'm going to look at my self worth and perhaps volunteer with a local group so I can practice being brave.

For full disclosure - I'm 5.7 and a size 24/26 - so I feel really really self conscious.

Ive never written that publicly before.

You can't keep hating yourself, OP, or your weight problem will likely get worse if you are an "eat your feelings" type. x

I'm morbidly obese. 20 stone plus.
I have amazing friends. Random people talk to me all the time. I'd like to think my personality shines over my appearance. I'm a good person. I'm confident. I like who I am and that means I attract like minded people regardless of size and appearance.

@chubbysquid who cares. You're alive your wee one is starting school, get out there and smile, it is a proud time.
If you do encounter arseholes at the school it won't be down to your size, there are some at every school.
Practise some small talk, it makes it easier.

Most the parents in our playground are plump or obese. They seem to socialise a lot (with all size other people).

Well done squid that must have been tough for you. Honest to god there is so much more about you than your weight and I hope this thread has made you realise that ( apart from the odd dickhead ) but their opinions don't matter anyway.

Personality trumps weight every single time.
Remember there are loads of us bigger women out there too who are clearly not affected by the weight witches.

I dress appropriately, i'm very modest and cover up as much as possible.
But I know I'll get ignored

Don't. Wear beautiful clothes that t you like and don't cover up like you are something to be hidden. Treat yourself as you want to be treated. Why should you hide away. Screw that.

For full disclosure - I'm 5.7 and a size 24/26 - so I feel really really self conscious

I'm 5"3 and a size 6-8. For years I also felt really really self conscious. You just have to remember that you are great and that's it. It's very hard but it's the best way.

I have been in the same space as you.

I've also got a disease that has completely wiped me from almost all cardio based exercise, loosing any weight is a prick. I do Pilates instead now, just to keep moving and was doing this at a size 20/22. I 've managed it by kicking a medication to the curb and cutting ALL wheat products out. I'm not coeliac or gluten intolerant, bu had it suggested by a slightly alternative dietician. The weight is just going, but it is startling how many things have wheat in them. Still eat other carbs, just nothing with wheat. I'm now a 16 after about 8 months.

I'm wondering if any of the meds your are on for your auto-immune disease have the magic fine print -" may cause weight gain" or "bloating". Have you had a check of that?
I kept experiencing specialists telling me to loose weight, then trying to prescribe me drugs that make you put on weight. There have been some fairly stupid conversations in the surgery about the logic behind their words and actions.

Perhaps get a really great haircut to complement your face. It made a world of difference to me mentally, when I was at my largest.
And the volunteering is an awesome idea.

What? Says who? I would never think like this - I don’t notice things like this. It’s in your head. I genuinely don’t know anyone who thinks like this - though I can tell you people think it’s ok to ask me if I have more than two mouthfuls of food per day.

Wakeupalready I have done exactly the same as you. I'm not coeliac but cut wheat out of my diet after reading the book Wheat Belly and am astounded at the results. I needed to lose 2 stone and the first stone has just dropped off in less than a month. I have tons more energy, am sleeping better, my skin looks better. I had some joint pain and stiffness which has completely disappeared. It's just been a life changer for me.

@cccameron it's quite a remarkable response isn't it? I read that book too, after starting the no wheat thing and like you the weight is just vanishing, Less brain fog - which is part of my disease, less exhaustion and less bloating and IBS type problems.
The only drawback is I am constantly hauling my specs out so I can read the fine print on food packaging when shopping.

There may be an element of truth to this, but I think it's more about confidence. I've been both fat and thin and I felt more confident and less self conscious when I was thin, so perhaps more open to socialising.

I don't actively avoid overweight or obese people but I have noticed that I don't have many close friends who are 'fat'. Most of my adult friendships were formed from being a member of various rugby and other sports clubs over the years so tend to hang out with like minded active people.

I don't know, I always try to talk to the dads more than the mums as they seem easier to get a conversation going with, without hopping over judgement and potential social errors that will later be discussed with the rest of mum friends!

YANBU - it's disingenuous for people to say that fat people are not marginalised in society really...

They definitely do speaking as a short size 20 (mixture of thyroid issues and fallout from losing my mum - lack of motivation to diet/exercise). Always 'treats' in work waiting to see if I'll pounce in there first and constant chatter in my earshot about dieting and weight loss - there are a few competitive dieters in my team in work.

It's depressing on platforms like LinkedIn seeing pics of awards ceremonies filled full of shiny slim young things exclusively. While there is thankfully some diversity in the line ups I always wonder where the bigger and older people who no doubt contributed in many cases to these teams winning are...

@Moomin8 that's ridiculous - two thirds of UK adults are fat, so how on earth can they be marginalised?!