To think people avoid fat people

[chubbysquid]

NC for this.
Regular poster etc.

AIBU to think, that most people will avoid fat peoples? I'm talking in social situations, specifically the school playground.

My son starts primary in September and whilst I'm dreading the school playground politics, I'm dreading being the loser / loner because I'm over weight.

I dress appropriately, i'm very modest and cover up as much as possible.
But I know I'll get ignored.

But I'd love to know why?

Please please tell me, what your thoughts are!

dishing, in response to the OP I explained the two situations in which I would avoid a very overweight person.

I am fat and so is my husband. I am avoided and people flock round him. Dunno why I’m much nicer

With us, I genuinely have a bit of an unapproachable look to me; DH doesn’t. Doesn’t hurt that he’s an absolute gasbag who will talk to anyone and everyone about literally anything.

I'm fat and I don't think people, in general, avoid fat people. Some do, I can see they are disgusted by or afraid of me but I just see my fat as a helpful detector that allows me to tell how superficial someone is. It's best not to waste time on people who think that your body size is an indication of what kind of person you are.
Mostly people are only too happy to chat to me but I often have to make the first move. People are interesting and everyone has a story that they want to tell if you give them enough time.

My sister is very slim and attractive, she moans that women don't like her and aren't friendly to her (I actually think she's right because I've witnessed it my whole life, observing people's reaction to her).
It's getting easier now she's older, women don't seem to be as threatened by her, and are more confident so happier to be friends with her.

When my son was in primary, there was another mother there who was as big as i am. Prob bigger.

But she was charismatic, involved and extroverted, immaculate in her appearance and wore what she wanted with such confidence, it was breathtaking.

On the other side was me in my crappy leggings and grey hoody with scraped back hair trying desperately to fade away.

It taught me its not about weight but how you feel about yourself, as trite as that sounds. I need to like myself enough that im confident about me, flaws and all.

If you go to the school yard with a negative perception on how you will be viewed, it will become a self fulfilling prophecy and you will feel ignored.

Head up,chin up and smile!

It’s sad that you would think this OP - please don’t feel like this. I think if someone would really avoid you because of this then they wouldn’t be worth talking to anyway - but I really doubt most normal people would do this!

@strawberrypancakes Do you go on about your weight loss and diets a lot?

I have read a few of these threads now and a few posters have mentioned bigger women being seen as less of a 'threat' or thinner women being seen as more of a 'threat'
a threat to what exactly?
what is the basis for this?
I find these threads abit sad really can't people take each other on their merit

I am not sure if yabu. Personally I think you are, I am sorry society mumsnet posts-- has made you feel this way.
I would never judge avoid or exclude anyone because of their weight.
You wont be a minority, most people dont care how you look, they care how you act.
Great people come in all shapes and sizes.

From my own experiences then, no: I don't think people avoid overweight people.

I've been obese and I'm now very slim. My weight made no difference at all to how people interacted with me in social situations.

One thing I've noticed about women who are popular with other women is that they're attractive but in a very non threatening, non sexual way. Unfortunately, I have two looks....waynetta slob or an eighties page three model...either version causes people to avoid me!

My son started school and I was 20 stone, it's about personality and friendliness. I've now lost 8 stone in 9 months and don't have more friends than I did, the same people smile and say Hi like they always did. I suppose it's about confidence? I always made sure I said Hi to people and tried to be chatty. From what I've seen, it's the quiet ones who get ignored.. not in an unfriendly way, just that school drop off and pickup can be so busy with kids so the quiet ones fade into the background. Fat has nothing to do with it.

I think it's more of a self confidence thing. I've not had to deal with parents on a school run yet but I got snubbed by a lot of mums in baby groups. I gave up trying to talk to anyone when I took my DD to a group and the others were sat with their DC on a large playmat so I went over to say hello and sat down. They all stood up and turned their backs to me and just carried on with their conversations. I'm not fat (size 10) but I'm an introvert and find talking to people so hard. People tend to talk over me and just look right through me. Not a weight thing, people can just be rude.

I think you're right about the confidence thing.

I have a autoimmune disorder which prevents me from doing the exercise I used to enjoy,
I've also battled anxiety and tend to eat my feelings, especially since being diagnosed.

I've read your comments and I'm grateful for those who were kind, I think you're right - it's my own perception that's a barrier.

I've been told I've got a pretty face. Maybe I should smile more!

Ive got various forms of arthritis OP and that prevents me too. What's really helped me lately is swimming. I never learned as a kid and while im never going to be in the olympics, you cant keep me out of the water. Its amazing for the body.

I would find it hard to be friends with a fat person who I didn't know already or had got to know through a shared interest , simply because I'd feel I had nothing in common with them. I am very into healthy eating, cooking and exercising.

God what an awful way to view people jingling I'm the opposite end of the scale weight wise, very into exercise and I am friends with people of all shapes and sizes. I cannot imagine restricting myself so narrowly.

I'd feel I had nothing in common with them. I am very into healthy eating, cooking and exercising

So you don't read books, travel, follow politics, have a dog, do cosplay, or whatever?

You have no other interests, outside the perfectly normal everyday activities of cooking and exercising, that you might discuss with someone?

I am now on my last child that needs dropping off and picking up, just two more years thank fuck.
I'm thin, some would say attractive, but talk to no one. I'm usually tired or want to get away in a hurry anyway, but I have nothing in common with most of the other school mums. I have other friends. My daughter has friends at school, I get there early so she can chat in the playground before school, I either wait, or now often drop her off and leave.

And to add, the friends that I have are all different sizes, and beautiful personalities which is much more important than looks.

OP as previous pps said it is about bring confident and saying hello.
I am a friendly smiling oaf who says hello or gives a smile to everyone, the trick is not give a shit if they wont say hello back.
I chat to loads of random DMs but avoid the in group.
Its nothing to do with weight, I am slim I'd never judge, but it's my choice to only say hi, sometimes I click with a DM and look forward to a chat.
Avoid the groups who froth to get a word in, each of them as chatty as the next, none listen to each other, I watch it for entertainment some days but always give a hi.

I wouldn't want to be friends with or even speak to someone who judges as harshly as the pp who feels she has nothing in common with fat people.

Even writing that down looks ludicrous! I can't imagine saying or thinking it. Are slim
people immune to illness/breakdown of relationships/traumatic events? Of course not. Just because the shell may be different,
the contents inside are the bloody same.

We all bleed the same colour. Shame on you for being so narrow minded and nasty.

I am fat because I am on a fuck ton of medication. I am also relatively fit and am a whizz in the kitchen ( and in the bedroom ) so keep your nasty comments to yourself.

Don't think you're better because you aren't fat

I also would not want to have anything to do with anyone who thinks she has nothing in common with fat people, even if I was a supermodel. Someone who thinks like this has values that are totally different to mine.

Zoflorabore 👏 Well said.
That pp must be a goady troll or seriously lacking brains, I doubt they have any friends fat or thin. Gym bunny 🥕