To think people avoid fat people

[chubbysquid]

NC for this.
Regular poster etc.

AIBU to think, that most people will avoid fat peoples? I'm talking in social situations, specifically the school playground.

My son starts primary in September and whilst I'm dreading the school playground politics, I'm dreading being the loser / loner because I'm over weight.

I dress appropriately, i'm very modest and cover up as much as possible.
But I know I'll get ignored.

But I'd love to know why?

Please please tell me, what your thoughts are!

I'll be honest.... It depends. If someone is extremely overweight that can often be indicative of other issues (low confidence, being maybe a bit unhappy, not liking exercise etc, being unhealthy). When people are casting eyes around the playground, we are not drawn to someone who looks like this. We are drawn to happy, healthy looking people, whom we can imagine sharing hobbies with (such as sport, exercise etc). It's easy to subconsciously overlook very very overweight people in this instance, doesn't make it right, but people judge.

No people like people who are smiley and pleasant. I'm a size 16 but made a decision to be pleasant, inclusive and not intimidated. Fat or thin, pretty or not everyone has their insecurities and you don't always know what they are. Be nice, make an effort to chat to everyone even just good morning goes a long way.

I kind of agree with you, but I do think it's down to confidence as well, and it's hard to have confidence if you're not naturally confident. You only need to read some of the derogatory posts on here to see what's directed at overweight people, especially women, and it can be enough to erode what bit of confidence you might have.
People do judge on appearance, and due to their own preferences, not everyone but many do. My mum has always been slim, she judges me 6 ways from Sunday not being like her, she hasn't faced some of the issues I have, and therefore doesn't get it. And let's face it, slimmer people are usually automatically seen as being 'better' and overweight people as lazy - and that's not going anywhere soon.
That said the school gate thing is a different beast. I used to work on a farm when my DD was small and didn't have chance to change before pick up, I was very much avoided in winter, and basically that was because I was covered in mud, wearing waterproofs and didn't smell great. Summer on the other hand, I was fit, slim, tanned and looked (and smelled!) Completely different. Smiles and eye contact was much more common, but after the first couple of years, I stopped noticing because it stopped mattering to me - I had too much else going on. Since I changed jobs and wasn't so active, the weight went on, I, personally haven't changed, still have the same work ethic, same interests, same person. But some people only want to engage with people like them, that's fine, they can do that and leave me out of it because I'm not particularly interested anyway.

I have been fat and thin while my dd (15) has been at school. Ds is in primary.

The only mums I talk to are one woman I use to work with and know well and 2 mins she also speaks to.

We all work full time and havent really struck a friendship with any of the sahms. We all chat, say hi etc. But the minute the door opens we are off. Where alot of the sahms wall together maybe hang around and chat. So it makes sense, we dont have friendships as close as some of the sahms seems to have with eachother. And that's ok. Neither is right.

In my experience, though, being good friends with someone purely because your kids happen to be the same age or go to the same school isnt the basis of a good friendship. If you come across someone you genuinely like and have stuff in common with, that's great.

But I dont see the school a place to meet friends. I am there to drop my kids off.

Lots of people dont want to make friends on the school run. Just want to drop their kids and may partake in a bit of chit chat. But it's going to be up to you to initiate some chit chat too.

Wow there are some nasty people on this thread.

OP, I'm thin and I wouldn't talk to you. I talk to no one at school. I wait in my car until roughly 60 seconds before DD is released, go in, grab her and go. I struggle to maintain the friends I already do have, I'm not trying to make more - and having pushed something out of my vagina within the same academic year isn't usually interesting common ground for me.

That said, lots of mums do socialise, and I wonder if your fear is becoming a self fulfilling prophecy i.e. you fear rejection, so don't say hello, or try and make eye contact/smile and then for that same reason people think you're not interested?

YADNBU. I’ve been fat and I’ve been slimmer and it’s socially more acceptable not to be fat. After being heavy for many years I slimmed down and believe me - people I’d never had conversations with were a lot friendlier. I think some people equate being fat with being under average intelligence and you’re not really on their radar. After slimming down I wasn’t interested in the school mums who’d ignored me before. I was fat but could lose the weight - they were shallow.

I’ve watched them with other heavier mums at school and they definitely don’t gravitate towards them.

Not all places or people will be like this I’m sure - a lot of it depends how up their own arses they are in the first place.

Not that the OP has bothered coming back but...

With well over 60% of the UK population being overweight, does that mean she's saying overweight parents are ignoring other overweight parents too?

I find his unlikely because if there are that many 'lonely' overweight parents in the playground, surely they'd get together and speak to one another?

Wow @chocolatemademefat that's not good. I wouldn't have wanted to be friends with anybody who treated me differently based on my body size!!!

Still there are some posts on here

We are drawn to happy, healthy looking people, whom we can imagine sharing hobbies with (such as sport, exercise etc).

Indicate that there are people that select friends based on body type..... good luck with that!!

I was always in to much of a hurry dropping kids off then rushing to work to worry who spoke to me etc.

The thing that totally confuses me is mums who spend time after drop off chatting at the school gates - invite that person backs to yours for a coffee instead of hanging about at the gate 🙄

I've honestly never avoided fat people! I'm far more likely to avoid a glamorous perfect looking model type woman!!

What else is new? People tend to avoid disabled people, the homeless, the chubby, and the so called 'weirdos'. I've also heard middle aged women say they became invisible to society at around 50. In a nutshell, it's best to stay pretty, slim, young and non - homeless forever.

I think some bastards might ignore overweight people but then, who cares about bastards? Nice people don't judge on looks/weight/amount of money etc. Consider it a litmus test: if someone treats you less favourably and you think it's because of your weight - there you go, you've got an arsehole, adjust your dealings with them accordingly.

No, OP. Maybe it is for some people, but those people probably also wouldn't talk to me (average to skinny build but with flyaway hair and unbothered by makeup). I've found many big, bubbly, beautiful people at the centre of social groups. I think it's mainly about confidence.

i hated the clicky playground mums thing....avoid at all costs!

Being very honest, if I saw someone hugely overweight and at that moment eating something unhealthy yes I’d be avoiding them. I’m judgmental and it’s easier to be judgmental without simultaneously trying to exchange pleasantries. And I’d also avoid someone hugely overweight when, say, choosing where to sit on a bus. But otherwise, no.

No, I don’t think this is true at all. Many of the parents are overweight at my DC’s school, they all stand around talking like everyone else does. I think your self esteem is low and it’s making you believe you’ll be ignored.

I’ll be honest with you, I think where I live people associate being overweight with being of a lower class and lower intelligence level. Obviously, that’s not true at all but there definitely seems to be an internal bias. There’s also the “big and bubbly” stereotype that overweight people have to contend with. It’s all very unfair.

I do take issue with people saying more attractive women have it easier. I’ve seen first hand that the most attractive women are excluded, not trusted and generally treated like crap by other women whilst also having to put up with horrible behaviour from men. There’s a happy medium that they fall out of, no matter how lovely their personalities are.

We do instantly judge people and make assumptions about them based on their image. It’s very sad but I don’t know what the answer is.

I think aiming to be average in every regard (looks, weight, career) seems to almost guarantee popularity!

In my personal experience people don't avoid fat people...I'm fat and anti-social but still people persist in talking to me.

Despite being anti-social I'm not an arsehole so I do make small talk but I actually wish there was a way of getting people to ignore me. Being fat isn't working!

It is definitely like this at my eldest child’s nursery, and in the school grounds. I feel like I’m back at school myself trying to fit in, but know I won’t be ‘accepted’ until I lose at least 2 stone.

Good god no, whatever gives you that idea? If some avoid overweight people it clearly says something about their character, surely you wouldn’t want to talk to them anyway?
For what it’s worth I’m a size 8, my best friend has got to be over a size 18 with boobs the size of watermelons.
The only thing is she will tease me and call me skinny (I’m not) yet I don’t feel I can tease her back about her weight. It’s deemed as too ‘sensitive’

It's not the way you look. You have to put yourself out there. Say hello, introduce yourself, strike up conversation.

You can not expect other people to do this when you won't and then blame them for you being lonely.

I can't remember who said it, but it goes something like this; 'You'll worry far less what people think of you when you realise they seldom do".

I'm tubby myself and couldn't give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks of my perceived 'life choices' - largely because anyone casting judgement on me solely due to my weight knows absolutely nothing about me.

This isn't so much about 'other people', OP, but more about the way you feel about yourself. Anyone 'avoiding' you because of your weight is subjective anyway - you're never going to know that's WHY they're avoiding you because a) they won't tell you and, b) you won't ask.

As someone above already said, some people do tend to stick to their own 'type' when choosing friends - so be it, that's they're choice and right. But a smile and a friendly attitude goes a long way towards other people being comfortable enough to approach you in the first place - regardless of anything else.

I am fat.
I find a few people who are very focused on looks will avoid fat people. But most people won't. Those that will avoid fat people are I think not worth knowing anyway and do not have values I want my DC being exposed to

Being very honest, if I saw someone hugely overweight and at that moment eating something unhealthy yes I’d be avoiding them - did I miss the bit earlier in the thread where the OP says she always has a pie at school pick up time? WTAF?

I find a few people who are very focused on looks will avoid fat people. But most people won't. Those that will avoid fat people are I think not worth knowing anyway and do not have values I want my DC being exposed to

I think we just need to cut and paste this into all these nasty threads today @jennymanara