To think people avoid fat people

[chubbysquid]

NC for this.
Regular poster etc.

AIBU to think, that most people will avoid fat peoples? I'm talking in social situations, specifically the school playground.

My son starts primary in September and whilst I'm dreading the school playground politics, I'm dreading being the loser / loner because I'm over weight.

I dress appropriately, i'm very modest and cover up as much as possible.
But I know I'll get ignored.

But I'd love to know why?

Please please tell me, what your thoughts are!

The only time I "avoid" fat people is when on a bus or train as they encroach on my space. Not intentionally but it is inevitable and I don't want to rub thighs with a stranger.
I have had many fat and thin friends my whole life. Alot were ery confident and popular people. It is nothing to do with your size.

I disagree with you OP, I’ve been fat and now I am thinner and I haven’t noticed any change in people’s behaviour. If you are really worried though you still have time to lose weight before September. I’ve lost weight quickly with the fast800 diet, combined with a 16:8 way of eating.

I also think it is to do with attitude. If you are smiley and approachable then I don’t think people would avoid you for being overweight.

So we’re encouraging people who are a bit socially anxious and self-conscious of their weight to eat 800 calories a day in time for the first day of term? Um, ok.

I really really really do not understand the whole everyone wanting to be friends with every other parent at school. I always say it on these threads. Do you expect to be friends with everyone your parents work with? Everyone your partner works with? Friends with your co-workers children? I am not there to make friends. I am there to drop my kids off and go. Polite smile, nod and hello to a few of the neighbours and that's about it.

In answer to your question about weight, I don't believe so. It's to do with confidence not weight. If you're not confident in your appearance and just stand there looking fed up and miserable no one will talk to you. If you are confident in yourself, smile and approach people, then they reciprocate the effort.

I am fat and people do not ignore or avoid me (unfortunately )

I’ve had a total of 11 years of primary school pick ups and in that time I’ve made the grand total of zero friends in the playground. And I’m a size 10 and considered attractive. So I don’t think weight has much to do with it! Having been in this area for 5 years I do now have a handful of people I will chat to in the playground, but they’re people I’ve got to know through other (non kid related) things in the town.

I think a lot of it is to do with who your child makes friends with. If your children never speak, there’s no reason for the parents to speak. Both of my children have ASD and therefore have never had many friends. Mind you, I have ASD too so that might explain things

This is what I’ve observed tbf. Thinking about overweight people I know, some of them are very popular which is down to their personality. I do remember one mum from school who was very overweight always seemed to be stood on her own and would never smile or give eye contact, I wondered about her for a while and whether she was aloof and didn’t want to chat or that she was shy and a bit nervous, I went over and made a bit of small talk and quite quickly she became chatty and was really funny, I asked her to come out on a mums night out and she seemed to enjoy herself and after that she would join in the conversation and got to know others.

If you are fat and it's making you unhappy, why don't you do something about it? I assume by fat you mean very fat / obese not just a few pounds overweight?

I would find it hard to be friends with a fat person who I didn't know already or had got to know through a shared interest , simply because I'd feel I had nothing in common with them. I am very into healthy eating, cooking and exercising.

I’ve been doing the school run for many years now, and my opinion is that the people who seem to have lots of friends to chat to probably haven’t made those friends purely at the school gate (although it may appear that way to you) - they’ve likely made them outside school, and are using the school gate as a chance for a catch up.

In my experience it’s unusual to get chatting at the school gate and become close friends. Parents tend to meet outside school (toddler group, play dates when their DC are young and need a parent to stay, exercise groups, dog walking, being on the PTA or similar) and then recognise each other at the school gate and start chatting.

So that’s my advice, OP. Start doing some of the above ideas to meet local parents and you’ll find you have friends at the school gate.

I've posted this before but I'm fat & I get the opposite. I must come across as non threatening and 'friendly' (I'm really quite aloof ) because random people are always starting up conversations with me.

Same on the school gates - I picked up once a week if that and the regulars (bored with each other I suspect) would always chat.
Smile at people. Be approachable and people don't seem to care what you look like.

I don't believe that to be true. I think it's down to what sort of parents you have at the pick up. When my eldest started school the parents were nice to talk to. However my youngest year's set of parents are mainly miserable, I have a hard time talking to any of them! I've been fat and am thin again now, there is no difference as far as I can see of how I'm treated at the school gate (with the exception of one sleezy dad). I talk to both fat and thin people it doesn't cross my mind to differentiate.

It’s about confidence .I can’t even remember a parent from the gate I have stayed in touch with they are grown up now.the last attends a special school so bused in and out.Iwas always in a rush to get to work.
There is one lady I have a bit of a friendship with but we are both so busy with our demanding child.
Why worry about this please don’t .Come to think about it the friends your child makes will inormally be the parents that you become friends with.

But imo far too many parents see their child's school as a social situation/opportunity for themselves and this often causes them problems/angst.

First and foremost, school is your child's territory/social situation etc.

I agree. The woman next to me who has no friends after having 2 babies in 3 years ca't wait for her kids to start school so she can make friends. What I see with these mothers is that they have toxic friendships which break down and impact on their kid's school life.

Study/work/socialise with adults and make friendships there.

2. People underestimate fat people's intelligence

Probably because there is a correlation between obesity and class and educational attainment.

I agree with Zoflora & others, it is much more about your own self confidence & friendliness. I have always been overweight yet have never found it hard to make friends, I have a wide circle of friends, get involved in things, join committees etc etc. The vast majority of people really don’t care what others look like, unless they are fashion obsessed intstagrammer & would you want to be friends with them anyway?

I always remember my mother saying to me when I was a teenager ‘no one is looking at you’, and that is so true.

Rubbish, at my ds's school anyway. Not true at all.

What's with all the fat hating posts today?

JinglingHellsBells
In saying this that wouldn’t stop you from having a chat would it with OP. Otherwise it comes across as being a snob.
I’m yet to see a person ignore a person totally because of fatness or thinness but I have seen instances of unkindness .quite a lot of people I know are not like they used to look like whilst younger.Thats why people hate class reunions.
Friendships are quite fickle even on a good day.

Friendships grow from the most unlikely situation.
I don’t think OP was meaning take me home.

Not*

I bloody wish this were true. I'm proper fat but must have the opposite to resting bitch face, people don't leave me alone.

@Bookworm4
What's with the nasty comment? There's no need for it.

I don't think so. No need to put all the parents in the same bag when they only thing they have in common is popping a baby in the same year.
Some posters are really obsessed with either looking down at other "parents" -forgetting they are one of them!-, or playground drama - which they are part of.

It's just a random mix of people. Be ready for small talks, be ready to volunteer which is a good ice breaker. You might even make really good friends, you might not.

I think it's true for some that they are friends with similar people, which makes sense as they have loads in common.

You don't want people to invite you on holiday, you just want a bit of interaction to get information and break the boredom of the school run. You'll be fine. Everybody has a million things in their head, don't take everything personally.

I think it's much more to do with personality and whether you appear approachable.

I'm a slim size 6-8 & I really struggle with the social side of school pick ups. I struggle to initiate conversations and am quite introverted. I know I prob seem unapproachable like I don't want to join in the convos etc but that's not the case.

My husband on the other hand is very confident and outgoing has had made friends with all the school mums and dads and is arranging play dates for the holidays. So at least my DS doesn't miss out.

There are larger ladies on the school run who are part of the little school cliques. I really don't think it has anything to do with weight!

Nope, and I'm very fat. If anything I find people are friendly and make an effort to chat. I don't think people see your weight as much as you do. I'm rarely on the school playground due to working full time but when I am there I have no problem finding somebody to pass the time of day with. As pp suggested it's more likely to be your lack of confidence that's holding you back.

Some.people will.do this, the world is full of all sorts.

However if they do then they are not worth talking to . Would.you like a friend who actively avoids fat people even if you were thin? I know for sure I wouldn't.

One of the few advantages of being fat for me is it is a rely good filter for me to see the people who are worth bothering with. People who.make openly rude anti fat comments or who overly obsess about weight are not people I want as friends.

I don't think the vast majority are like this but I think maybe there is a minority who are . I am just grateful that my fat helps me to avoid making friends with them in ignorance of what they are really like, only to find out later.

The only time it is an issue is if they are in positions of power. I know some people/ places avoid employing fat people . Not because of any need of the job but just because they have all the usual stereotypes - think they are lazy etc.....