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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to say that big is NOT beautiful!

882 replies

SummerSummerSummer · 24/07/2019 19:30

So, I'm not expecting the MN community to take this statement well (or who knows), but I have come to the conclusion that the whole 'Big is Beautiful' stuff is complete nonsense! Big (I'm talking overweight here) is unhealthy, unattractive, and normal healthy weight is what we should all aim for.

Pre-DC, ten years ago, I was of normal weight, attractive and full of energy. I would cycle to work (in London), go running, rollerblading and do yoga classes. Whatever clothes I wanted to wear, I did with no problems. Everything looked great.

Children happened and the sleep deprivation, lack of me-time and the general exhaustion made me seek comfort in food and I gained a lot of weight. I would eat chocolate secretly behind my family's back to reward myself for something or to celebrate a moment or whatever reason really.

A few days ago I saw pictures taken of me on a family holiday and I can't fake it anymore. I look awful! My belly looks like I'm 6 months pregnant, my thighs are full of cellulite and my bum is enormous (however fashionable it might be at the moment). And I don't look good either. I hate getting into a swimming costume for everyone to see me, I cannot find any nice clothes to fit me and I'm so unfit!

It's easier to tell yourself in the winter that you're not really that big when you can wrap yourself in big jumpers, coats and scarves. You can do your hair and make up and kind of look ok. But in this heat there's no hiding from it, and no amount of make up or time spent on hair can fake you a healthy looking figure. And I hate the way I have to pull my t-shirts down over my belly instead of tucking them in like it's fashionable at the moment! And any leggings, tights or bottoms with elasticated waist always roll under my belly rather than stay up where they're supposed to be! Let alone the fact that this is now my preferred wardrobe due to jeans and smarter trousers feeling really uncomfortable! And tops! Spagetti top is a no, sleeveless top is a no, t-shirt is a maybe if it's the loose kind because of big wobbly arms!

So the reasons I'm saying big is not beautiful are:

  1. Being overweight is unhealthy and puts you in risk of all kinds of illnesses (such as diabetes which I worry about)
  2. You are constantly fixated on food and treats. What you are going to eat next, when can you eat it, how can you hide it from everyone else etc..
3.Nothing fits you nicely. You can not participate in the fashion scene.
  1. You get out of breath so easily. Even going upstairs becomes a nuisance let alone having a game of football or tag with your children!
  2. Telling lies to yourself is not healthy for you mentally. Healthy body, healthy mind.
  3. Not wanting to appear in photographs. Editing yourself out of family photos which is super sad.
OP posts:
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Borisdaspide · 30/07/2019 11:21

~Homer Simpson voice~ Mmmm crab

Butters83 · 30/07/2019 11:27

LaVieilleHarpie No - I believe everyone has full body autonomy to do as they wish. I believe in supporting mental health as well as physical. I believe in removing weight stigma when discussing health, food, fitness. I believe in dismantling the idea that slim is beautiful. I believe in making sure people can make informed choices that are not dictated by a fear that society will call them names.

YesQueen · 30/07/2019 11:27

Thin doesn't equal fit, fat doesn't equal unfit, same as thin doesn't equal healthy and fat doesn't equal unhealthy
It's a combination of things. Is my size 4 friend who doesn't exercise healthier than my size 14 friend who regularly runs ultras? Probably not 🤷🏽‍♀️

Butters83 · 30/07/2019 11:28

LaVieilleHarpie At no point has my logic even been debated other than people screeching BUT YOUR KNEEEES!

LookDontTeuch · 30/07/2019 11:59

@Butters83 please don't rise to their nonsense. On this thread you have repeatedly attempted to point to the issue. Not only are many still not getting it, but this is just inflammatory sport from some of these posters, looking for a reaction.

They can't even keep their posts civil, it's so boring and predictable Biscuit

Pricedrop · 30/07/2019 12:00

If only another poster swims, the three of you could get together and split a triathlon 3 ways! I’m sure it would be a lot of fun!

Urmmm...I don't think you can jointly enter a triathlon in that way? Otherwise surely, it wouldn't be the athletic feat, that it is? I think you know this @Shortstuff99 though? I may be being dense, but I am struggling to see the point you are trying to make? I think you are ridiculing me? because I can't do a triathlon?

sofato5miles · 30/07/2019 12:03

Err, you can do team triathlons

sofato5miles · 30/07/2019 12:06

I was 16-18, I was fat.was fun and fit, but fat.

Am now 12-14 and carry it well. I know that because of the new male attention i get (most incredibly unwanted).

Dreaming of a 10, to look great not just styled oou/ OK in clothes. Prob won't happen. Am 5'6"

That plus size model is gorgeous but is a ridiculous example as she is so effing tall and according to PP a UK12 anyway

Butters83 · 30/07/2019 12:07

LookDontTeuch - I know - I live in vain that maybe ONE person may just reassess their view around how toxic diet culture is and how not to be a total dickhead to someone because of the amount of fat on their body.

I am forever an optimist plus its a slow work week lol.

Pricedrop · 30/07/2019 12:20

I did not know that @sofato5miles!!

Do you think PP was actually suggesting that, then?

Wildthyme · 30/07/2019 13:05

Diet culture, fat activism, health at every size, hahaha haha.

Looking forward to quotes by Virgie Tovar, Linda Bacon and Ragen Chastain now.

You just keep on convincing yourself that you're fat and happy, Butters. You'll not convince me or anyone else. Your posts just drip of bitterness, and butter.

Butters83 · 30/07/2019 13:15

Wildthyme Lol i do not need to convince bitter old mums on the internet if I am happy or not. I feel sorry for the future eating disorders your children will all have because their mothers were bullies on the internet.

Alsohuman · 30/07/2019 13:19

This thread’s a brilliant illustration of just how nasty women can be to other women. It’s a really horrible read.

@Butters83, I take my hat off to your stamina and patience but it’s an uphill struggle. Why people are so invested in other people’s weight is beyond me. Weigh what you like, be whatever size you like and leave other people alone to do the same.

It’s nobody’s business what anyone else looks like or weighs.

LaVieilleHarpie · 30/07/2019 13:19

We will need to worry about the eating disorders of children when 2/3 of the UK population are anorexic.

Meanwhile...

alittleprivacy · 30/07/2019 14:01

I would rather die clutching a delicious Greggs than end up a sad sack picking on strangers health on the internet.

I hate to break it to you..................................

Pricedrop · 30/07/2019 14:08

Just saw this on FB and thought of this thread....

m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=2008146669297061&id=183239561787790&sfnsn=mo

Pricedrop · 30/07/2019 14:09

@alittleprivacy break what?

Butters83 · 30/07/2019 14:12

Pricedrop she is an incredible dancer, I have seen her on instagram!

alittleprivacy · 30/07/2019 14:30

@alittleprivacy break what?

By far, far, far, far and away the nastiest poster making the most outlandish, and frankly disgusting, claims about other people's health on this thread is Butters. Some of her posts are seriously disturbing.

Shortstuff99 · 30/07/2019 14:31

Lol i do not need to convince bitter old mums on the internet if I am happy or not

Oh no, course not, not at all, never. The Lol you add says it all

Butters83 · 30/07/2019 14:35

alittleprivacy such as?

alittleprivacy · 30/07/2019 14:42

Come off it Butters. You are being deliberately nasty af and you know it. Whatever points you have to make, and I'm not saying that you don't have valid viewpoints, are being over shadowed by your nasty style of posting.

Shortstuff99 · 30/07/2019 14:44

Why people are so invested in other people’s weight is beyond me.

Firstly it is a conversation about fat people so I’m not sure why people might be surprised at the content or try to shut it down.

We are concerned that someone it propagating a lie that being fat is healthy. I am concerned that others will read it and stop trying to be healthy so am trying to pint it out and ridicule the stupidity of someone trying to convince others that whilst they are fat, the worst health risk individuals can face outside of suicide, smoking or using hard drugs, they are still completely healthy as they have normal blood pressure and can jog a very basic distance.

Butters83 · 30/07/2019 14:44

littleprivacy i am retaliating in the exact same style that I am being subjected to by other posters. I am not just going to lay back and be bullied.

Please, by all means, quote some actual examples about claims I have made about other peoples health that are 'disgusting.'

Shortstuff99 · 30/07/2019 15:00

Please, by all means, quote some actual examples about claims I have made about other peoples health that are 'disgusting.'

You’ve misgendered me for a start that’s pretty vile