AIBU to say that big is NOT beautiful!

[SummerSummerSummer]

So, I'm not expecting the MN community to take this statement well (or who knows), but I have come to the conclusion that the whole 'Big is Beautiful' stuff is complete nonsense! Big (I'm talking overweight here) is unhealthy, unattractive, and normal healthy weight is what we should all aim for.

Pre-DC, ten years ago, I was of normal weight, attractive and full of energy. I would cycle to work (in London), go running, rollerblading and do yoga classes. Whatever clothes I wanted to wear, I did with no problems. Everything looked great.

Children happened and the sleep deprivation, lack of me-time and the general exhaustion made me seek comfort in food and I gained a lot of weight. I would eat chocolate secretly behind my family's back to reward myself for something or to celebrate a moment or whatever reason really.

A few days ago I saw pictures taken of me on a family holiday and I can't fake it anymore. I look awful! My belly looks like I'm 6 months pregnant, my thighs are full of cellulite and my bum is enormous (however fashionable it might be at the moment). And I don't look good either. I hate getting into a swimming costume for everyone to see me, I cannot find any nice clothes to fit me and I'm so unfit!

It's easier to tell yourself in the winter that you're not really that big when you can wrap yourself in big jumpers, coats and scarves. You can do your hair and make up and kind of look ok. But in this heat there's no hiding from it, and no amount of make up or time spent on hair can fake you a healthy looking figure. And I hate the way I have to pull my t-shirts down over my belly instead of tucking them in like it's fashionable at the moment! And any leggings, tights or bottoms with elasticated waist always roll under my belly rather than stay up where they're supposed to be! Let alone the fact that this is now my preferred wardrobe due to jeans and smarter trousers feeling really uncomfortable! And tops! Spagetti top is a no, sleeveless top is a no, t-shirt is a maybe if it's the loose kind because of big wobbly arms!

So the reasons I'm saying big is not beautiful are:

1. Being overweight is unhealthy and puts you in risk of all kinds of illnesses (such as diabetes which I worry about)
2. You are constantly fixated on food and treats. What you are going to eat next, when can you eat it, how can you hide it from everyone else etc..

3.Nothing fits you nicely. You can not participate in the fashion scene.

1. You get out of breath so easily. Even going upstairs becomes a nuisance let alone having a game of football or tag with your children!
2. Telling lies to yourself is not healthy for you mentally. Healthy body, healthy mind.
3. Not wanting to appear in photographs. Editing yourself out of family photos which is super sad.

10km run... what a feat of physical endurance, what an elite athlete

Are pregnant people evil fatties too?

They do gain weight and it is a medical condition...

@positivepuce Oh for Pete's sake, how many times do I have to point this out, you can't declare every single person who is a size 16 to be fat.

YANBU to say that it shouldn't be the average size, YABVVU to say that 16/18=fat. It's this sort of crap that gives people eating disorders, and leads young boys to say things like "oh I'd never date anyone who wore a size 16".

When I was a normal weight, with a normal BMI, I was a size 16. You can't come along and declare that to be fat just because you don't like the number 16.

I dieted once till I was a 14. I barely ate anything - about 800 calories a day. I was permanently cold. But hey, at least I wasn't wearing a fat clothing size. Is that really your viewpoint, that it's better to be underweight and a 14 than a normal weight and "fat"?

running a 10k is not ‘very fit’, anyone could do this with a few weeks of training. Very fit is a sub 3:30 marathon

@Shortstuff99

I assume you can run 10k in the average time of 60 minutes, then?

If not, you'll only need a few weeks to train. Come back and post when you've done it by the end of August.

Running 10k, well, I am fairly fit and do cardio 5 times a week but cannot run 10k (never tried, but don't think I can even run 5k)!

Why are you trying to pooh-pooh someone's achievements, just because they are not skinny , ask yourself that....

Ffs now we all need to be running bloody marathons to be "fit" 🤣🤣🤣

This thread tho....

For goodness sake, anyone can run a marathon with some training. Doesn’t make you fit 😂😂😂

Why won’t you just admit you are going to die from being fat so I can feel smug and happy about it !!!

I mean.... honestly

Would the 'fat is perfectly healthy' brigade be OK with their children being overweight? Would you say that a very overweight child is 'fit and healthy'? Why is it fine for adults to be fat but not kids?

Health without weight stigma. Not sure what’s so hard for people to understand about this

@eaidear try reading some of the comments rather than trying to be inflammatory because no one says fat is always healthy

I can only think of the strain on the joints. Ouch.

Not sure what’s so hard for people to understand about this

It’s made up bollocks, that’s what.

anyone can run a marathon with some training

Go on then. Get a decent time like sub 3:30, then come back and describe yourself as ‘very fit’ and you might get taken seriously!

@Shortstuff99 what's your marathon PB?

Think what you like about yourself but don’t project your issues onto other people.

hahhhhha ok. You must be fun at parties! I bet your the one in the cardigan with a white wine spritzer that no one talks to.

When I was a normal weight, with a normal BMI, I was a size 16. You can't come along and declare that to be fat just because you don't like the number 16.

Size 16 and in the normal/healthy BMI range? Uh huh.

You must defy the laws of science. Never seen a size 16 woman, no matter how tall that couldn't be described as fat. Most size 14's are on the wobbly side.

But, keep telling yourself and normalising it....

@ragingmentalist we will keep normalising it - thanks for the pep talk! So I guess you better start trying to find something else to make yourself feel better about your own life.

@Shortstuff99

I'd suggest you go to your local Parkrun and watch all the runners. It's a fantastic lesson in how NOT to judge by looks.

Overweight, elderly and disabled individuals overtake me.

I'm technically slim at under 9 stone but I'm still improving my fitness.

It's very humbling and inspiring when you're overtaken by a man in his 80s, a woman clearly carrying an extra three or four stone and a blind runner (all happened last week). And I finish a 5k in 32 mins which is just over average. Plenty of men and women who are overweight beat me and lots of other slim runners.

You simply cannot gauge fitness by weight.

Take your judgements and assumptions and file them under 'completely wrong'.

The thing is some women can’t lose weight due to medical reasons or have a hard time from being an overweight child or a million other reasons. Why should these women be told they can never be beautiful?

ragingmentalist surely you know women can be all shapes, sizes and weights? My scales say I’m obese but my jeans are 10-12

Shortstuff99 Being able to run 10k without resting is fit enough to be in the low risk medical category for pretty much everything.

If everyone could do that then UK life expectancy would go through the roof.

ragingmentalist

I do think the weird sizing in shops doesn’t really help. ‘Size 16’ is meaningless. That’s why something objective like a BMI is much more helpful unless someone is an athlete.

For example, when my BMI was 21.3 before pregnancy recently (I was around 10st 4 at 5ft 9) I had a dress from Primark that fit beautifully at a size 4, I could fit into supermarket size 8 easily, but in H&M and Topshop I could not zip up a pair of size 16 jeans 😂 there was absolutely no way I was what I’d think of as a size 18 (and I could show a body shot to prove it haha), nor was I a size 4. Sizes are meaningless now that many places use vanity sizing and some don’t.

So I can well imagine someone being a size 16 with a normal BMI. It’s just that it’s meaningless. Weight and height are the best indicators of whether your weight falls into a normal range, not relying on clothes shops who have a vested interest in making you feel good about yourself with a lower number on the label so you shop there over their competitors.

Personally I know whatever size the label says my body hasn’t changed but I know some women who would not buy an item if it said size 16 out of shame!

Clothes sizes are utterly random. In my wardrobe are a (completely ludicrous) size 8 dress and a size 20 shirt. The measurement from the side seams across are exactly the same on both garments. I completely ignore labels now as you can see.

Your park run story is really heartwarming @MushySeas. Brilliant that people aren’t allowing their bodies to define them for whatever reason.

Being able to run 10k without resting is fit enough to be in the low risk medical category for pretty much everything.

It’s hardly the pinnacle of human achievement. I did it 2-3 times a week and would not have described myself as ‘very fit’. Running 10k when obese is terrible for joints, feet etc.

I am over weight and I am very happy with my body. I have just overcome a looooooong very painful illness. Honestly happy to be here and proud of my body for getting through it.

But if you feel unhappy with your body, there are things you can do to change it aren't there