To tell MIL to wind her neck in

[senorasenora]

We often go to my mother in law’s house for dinner on a Sunday. My DH’s brother and his wife come too. DH and I have two boys aged 5 and 2 and BIL and SIL have a son aged 4.

Since the weather has been nice I’ve bought the boys some summer clothes and some of it matches. I’m not normally in the business of dressing the boys the same - in fact I don’t really like it all that much but a couple of times we’ve been at MILs for dinner my younger son has said before he goes that he wants to match his big brother. My elder DS is quite happy with this as it’s a novelty. During the week I work and it’s much more difficult to get matching outfits sorted so to pacify younger DS we said he could match at the weekends.

I’ve just received a text from my MIL to say that she doesn’t want my son’s dressed the same for dinner at hers because my nephew is feeling left out.

To be honest I never even considered this. What should I respond? Should I let her dictate what my son’s wear?

I’m tempted to now make sure they match at all times.

Could have been as blunt and rude as that- could have been phrased entirely differently. In any case- it doesn’t matter because the children are the important people here. Sort that out. Then address the rude text.

she doesn’t want my son’s dressed the same for dinner at hers because my nephew is feeling left out.

As I said, she wants a negative outcome for one grandson, not a positive one for another.

It wasn't sorting the dressing out that the op was asking about.

It was whether Mil was unreasonable.

Or... Is this what you have personally decided it's about

Well we could only know whether she was unreasonable or not if we know the exact words of the message, surely? And even if the wording was vile, the fact remains that the child was upset. So two different issues to be dealt with. Unless you think it’s OK to say that you won’t do anything about the upset child because you don’t like the mil.
Which is a horrid way to be.

Could have been as blunt and rude as that

Could have been made up issue and nephew oblivious

Could have been MIL shit stirring and SIL only made passing innocent comment

Could have been SIL shit stirring and firing MIL up

Coulda woulda shoulda

How on earth do we ever know the exact tone context etc of anything reported on here?

We don't know the child was upset, same as we don't know the tone of the MiL's text. It could be the 4 year old had a little whinge, as they all do, but has now forgotten about it and doesn't actually care deep down. Just a fleeting whine when tired or upset to be going home or overstimulated from an afternoon at grandma's with his cousins. Could very well be something and nothing but grandma has gotten involved and blown it up into a much bigger deal.

The solution to the clothing problem is easy, the OP has already offered this solution. It's now up to the little boys parents whether their son is upset enough to act upon it or if he just had a moment, as four year olds do.

Is the policy of some posters that children must at all costs be appeased and not be upset - regardless of cost to other people, in terms of finances, and their children being upset. And their parents should not be the ones to address the underlying issues? Because if that is their position, I'm sorry, I will never go along with that policy of appeasement. It smacks of Neville Chamberlain.

I sort my kids issues out. I expect other people to sort their kids issues out.

“Is the policy of some posters that children must at all costs be appeased and not be upset - regardless of cost to other people, in terms of finances, and their children being upset. ”

No it isn’t!

Mbosnz not only do they expect you to sort their kids issues out they also expect your kids to sort their kids issues. Entitled gone nuclear.

My grandson wants to wear the same thing as his big sister so we let him wear her hats, hairbands, T shirts, etc. He's 3 years younger than she is so not everything fits but if it does then we let him. There's more things in life to lay the law down about and wearing similar clothes isn't one of them!

Whether the MILs text was worded harshly or not the fact remains that the nephew was upset because he wanted to dress the same as his cousins. If she did word it like that she was wrong but we will never know what to said word for word.

Hopefully with the OP sending her text to SIL it will all be sorted on going.

I do think though there’s a lot of posters on here with their own MIL issues that somehow making their views on this very one sided.

You know what would have sorted this? One phone call with the sil. To find out if the other child was upset at all. And then to work out a solution. 3 new primark t shirts, or one new t shirt for the nephew to match the others.

And then, once it wa sorted , if the mil’s message was arsey, another message saying “thank you for letting me know about Fred being upset. Jane and I have resolved the problem. If something like this ever happens again, please tell Jane to contact me directly. Third party communication is never a good idea-there is too much scope for confusion. See you on Sunday.

Geminijes
I hate seeing children dressed the same. They have individual personalities so I can never understand why parents think it's OK to dress them the same.

My daughter waited 8 years for a sister then a further 3 for her to be big enough to be able to get matching outfits. They love it and I'm happy they're happy, don't project your feelings into others

fact remains that the nephew was upset

Nope it's anything but fact. It's as dubious as the wording of MIL's text. Issues? One sided? LOL

Matching family outfits. It’s the only response needed.
Get personalised family tshirts for all 4 of you eg king, queen, princes

A better approach from their side would be the in laws contacting you directly and asking if their son could be included- maybe they could have bought 3 matching tops for the boys. Bitching to MIL behind your back is not on.

As dubious as the arsey text from MIL or is that gospel?

MIL should never have got involved by instructing either of her daughters as to how they should dress their kids.

If she'd wanted her nephew to be happy, she could have done what I mentioned earlier, and asked if she could treat the nephew to the same outfit as his cousins. No-one criticised, no-one offended, just a happy kid and somebrownie points for being a thoughtful Grandma.

🤣

That’s why I said the first step should be ringing the sil to find out if the child is upset or not.

Nosauce you're one of those that could be the only person in a room and still start a fight.

I said that yesterday Bert, you’d think that would have been the most obvious thing to do but then there wouldn’t be all this drama on MN had she done that 🤷‍♀️

SIL should have contacted OP directly if she was incapable of parenting her own child. Not gone bitching to MIL

brassbrass 🤣🤣 that’s funny coming from you.

I know right? I'm in a funny mood tonight 🤣