To tell MIL to wind her neck in

[senorasenora]

We often go to my mother in law’s house for dinner on a Sunday. My DH’s brother and his wife come too. DH and I have two boys aged 5 and 2 and BIL and SIL have a son aged 4.

Since the weather has been nice I’ve bought the boys some summer clothes and some of it matches. I’m not normally in the business of dressing the boys the same - in fact I don’t really like it all that much but a couple of times we’ve been at MILs for dinner my younger son has said before he goes that he wants to match his big brother. My elder DS is quite happy with this as it’s a novelty. During the week I work and it’s much more difficult to get matching outfits sorted so to pacify younger DS we said he could match at the weekends.

I’ve just received a text from my MIL to say that she doesn’t want my son’s dressed the same for dinner at hers because my nephew is feeling left out.

To be honest I never even considered this. What should I respond? Should I let her dictate what my son’s wear?

I’m tempted to now make sure they match at all times.

“Bertrand, calm down dear, ”

I’m perfectly calm. I’m not the person building this up into a massive deal that involves passive aggressive messages escalating things and which can’t be sorted by a conversation and/or spending £1.50!

And unempathetic twats raise unempathetic twats, brass.

It's ok Cassian I'm resilient too 😁

You’re just an inflammatory so and so brass.
Nobody is a snowflake in this situation, you’re just after attention poor pet.

Interesting and rather revealing that you think I was talking to you. I wonder why?

I didn’t think you were talking to me specifically, why would I?

Well, the long and short of it is, if anyone thinks issuing dictacts on what folks wear :stop dressing in x way blah doesn't like it ', is a good way to communicate with your adult dc, these types of threads will be going strong in 10 years when posters dc give issue.

@Geminijes why can't kids match, I have 3 girls and my oldest 2 choose their own clothes and I've lost count of how many times they have dressed the same. Sometimes they even wait till I've dressed there baby sister so they can match colours with her

I am baffled now - I honestly thought that @senorasenora had dealt with this pretty well. Her text acknowledged that her nephew was upset, and offered cooperation with her SIL, to try to prevent the boy being upset again.

But reading some of the responses here, I must have missed a few posts in which the OP trod on the nephew’s kitten, bought her dses matching puppies and organised a flash mob at her MIL’s house with everyone except the nephew wearing the same outfit and taunting him!

Maybe her response was not perfect and some posters would have done things differently - but I reckon it was good enough, and people should remember that it is easy to be perfect when you aren’t actually in the situation, and give the OP a break!

Std

It's not enough that she reached out and tried to offer some half way measure.

Some posters clearly projecting their own past failing think op is wicked, wicked for not actually just buying all three the same stuff, because it's a barrel of fun laughs.

There didn’t need to be any fuss here, she could have had this wrapped up yesterday lunchtime by ringing SIL for a chat.

She hasn’t done anything wrong in particular but her whole stance throughout has been if her boys want to wear the same clothes they will and nobody will tell her different. That’s what has got under people’s skin, she wasn’t really thinking about her nephew and how he might be feeling, she just didn’t want to bend because why should MIL tell her what to do?!

Buy your nephew a matching t shirt or whatever your boys are wearing. If my son finds a super cool dinosaur t shirt in primark for a pound he loves getting his best friend one too so they can be "brothers" on non uniform day. But otherwise you are not being unreasonable and she should mind her own business

They both choose their own outfits so your not to disallow if they want to match?

so keep your nose out you utter nobfuck and worry about real issues in the world

If the other little boy is feeling left out can’t you just dress them differently for the visit? Or simply encourage them to include him because it’s possibly nothing to do with the clothes and just him feeling left out. Have a heart for gods sake.

I blame this heat for this thread.

Ignore her she’s being a silly moo. As for the other child - yes 4 yr olds can be a bit emotional- believe me I have one so I know. But you know what.....he has to learn that he can’t have everything his own way. he nor your MIL should have the right to tell you or your children what to wear I know my MIL would not dream of doing anything like this and she’s not perfect but then neither am I.

I blame this heat for this thread.

I agree. I did suggest pimms as a possible solution. Or maybe a duel at 10 paces with kick arse water pistols? (But everyone has to have exactly the same so nobody feels left out. . .)

Op obviously has a heart. She could have easily ignored mil and done nothing. She has considered her children’s feelings as well as her nephew’s with offering a simple, reasonable compromise that allows her sons’ their freedom and her nephew not to be left out.

I’m afraid in you’re position I’d have to text back to say that your sons pick what they want to wear. It is their choice and if it’s going to be a “thing” I’d rather not come than cause bad feeling. How fucking ridiculous.

I would get 3 identical t-shirts for the next dinner at MiL’s. Your sons wearing theirs and the nephew gets his as a little gift in order to feel included.

It’s a win-win - if the nephew was really unhappy about being left out, it’ll make his day. But if matching outfits are your MiL’s problem rather than the nephew’s, it will seriously piss her off but she won’t be able to comment.

Perfect plan.

Mbosnz they also have to be the same colour

Absolutely! How about all grey?

I think that you need to consider if your nephew really does feel left out.

If he does, and he loves your sons and they love him, why not buy him a shirt too?

As a mother of young adults, peacekeeping seems to be my life long vocation. If one of my dgc (i don't have any, they are invented, imaginary for this thread) was sad bc not only did they not have a sibling (yours get along so that's something pretty cool!), but wore matching clothes, i would want my singleton to feel included.

I KNOW that every mn mil is evil. But there's nothing wrong with making a grandchild/nephew feel included.

It's rather petty to exclude a child of 4 on purpose. They are little, learning and your sons both sound nice. I can see him wanting to be part of the group. Cousins are important all the way through life so why not say the more the merrier?

Except if his mom was unhappy. Then you're screwed.

You can assume the SIL is causing trouble just by the mere fact she didn't casually mention it to OP herself. (Not that I would have even thought that was appropriate). Instead went bitching to the MIL. She's not 4 and doesn't have an excuse.