To tell MIL to wind her neck in

[senorasenora]

We often go to my mother in law’s house for dinner on a Sunday. My DH’s brother and his wife come too. DH and I have two boys aged 5 and 2 and BIL and SIL have a son aged 4.

Since the weather has been nice I’ve bought the boys some summer clothes and some of it matches. I’m not normally in the business of dressing the boys the same - in fact I don’t really like it all that much but a couple of times we’ve been at MILs for dinner my younger son has said before he goes that he wants to match his big brother. My elder DS is quite happy with this as it’s a novelty. During the week I work and it’s much more difficult to get matching outfits sorted so to pacify younger DS we said he could match at the weekends.

I’ve just received a text from my MIL to say that she doesn’t want my son’s dressed the same for dinner at hers because my nephew is feeling left out.

To be honest I never even considered this. What should I respond? Should I let her dictate what my son’s wear?

I’m tempted to now make sure they match at all times.

All the sound of music matching outfit suggestions were done in jest/sarcastically but clearly went over a lot of people's heads.

NoSauce she's texted her SiL to offer a solution which means none of the children are left upset. What more can she do?

I have twins & love dressing them the same, if they want to wear something different they can, I used to dress them differently when babies so I could tell them apart as their identical. If anyone ever told me how to dress them, I would tell them it’s none of their business. Dress your kids however you like

Nosauce you're unhinged. Did you miss the bit where OP reached out to the SIL? Her offer was perfectly acceptable but you're still whining FFS

Yes she did but it’s on the mother to buy the t shirt ( obviously ) so the OP hasn’t gone above and beyond in the name of generosity has she? She’s still going to be dressing the boys the same ( which I think is the right thing incidentally) but just said to SIL she’d tell her where she’d bought the clothes, no biggie really.

Whining no
Wining yes.

Cheerio, it’s too hot to be arguing about fucking t shirts.

You can dress your boys as you like. I understand he's an only child and feels left out however it's not a biggie is it , it's not like both your boys get pudding and he doesn't ?!

So all that tells me is that you think generosity is only a material thing. Which also explains your limited capacity to read this situation.

Have a cooold shower everyone 😁. And for all you only kids, perhaps your issues are better discussed with your parents. We all do the best we can especially for OUR dc, who are our primary concern and responsibility.

I'd love to know where the loving granny features in all of this.

Why doesn't concerned granny surprise them all with matching super hero capes? Fun masks?

Water guns... Bubble blowers... Or a t shirt, for all 3? Sweet gran coming up with solutions to help her 4 year old gc.

Or... Is this how Mil approaches a problem, fire off orders and expect obedience?

The people “ramping up the heat” are not the ones saying “hey, let’s find a solution that doesn’t end up with anyone being upset!”

It’s the ones going on about winding necks in, snowflakes, thin end of wedges, making points, suggesting making them even matchier, fuckwittery—- to pick just a few points at random!

I have two girls who are close in age who liked to dress the same when they were little. And yes, their only child cousin did feel a little left out.

I bought her the odd item the same as my girls and once my sister and I got our heads together and they all had the same outfit for a family wedding.

All totally and utterly unremarkable and, surprise surprise, my now grown up niece is neither a snowflake, a spoilt brat or believes the world revolves around her in any way. She also has a nice relationship with my daughters and a completely different style to them.

MIL didn't want to resolve it positively though. She wanted a negative result. She wanted the 2 year old to have his perfectly natural and sweet request, refused. Not for the nephew to have the chance to join in.

It was a weird message and would have pissed me off too. And normally I'm one to support MILs on MN.

Agreed JimmyChoo. Sections 25-365 of the Alternative Approaches Act 2019

Tinkly you and your sister got your heads together. Did your sister use your mum to send orders indirectly by text?

The mil is completely irrelevant here. We have no idea what her message was like anyway. But the issue is with the children- and a minor issue that could have been incredibly easily resolved.

It appears it has been resolved. OP has texted her SiL with a solution. It's now up to the SiL if she takes it.

brass
No, no one said anything, I noticed myself and aske my sis if DN would like a top the same. I think my sister might have suggested the wedding thing. Actually, possibly only DD1 and DN matched for the wedding.

I wonder how approachable the OP is though. Possibly the SiL was just sucking it up but MiL tried to help.

By the same token we don't know if the nephew really had a problem

If we now project that the OP is unapproachable and say you were considered unapproachable by your sister do you think honestly that your mum texting you something similar wouldn't have made the situation more awkward? Being ordered by text to stop your DDs dressing the same is the first you hear about it.

Why is the onus constantly on OP. Could the MIL/SIL have handled it better?

The mil is completely irrelevant here.

No she isn't. Her message was the entirety of what the OP was about!

Yes- but because we don’t know the tone of the mil’s message we don’t know whether that’s something else that needs to be addressed. The important thing Is finding a way for the children are happy and OP. If the mil has been an arse then that’s a separate matter to be dealt with.

OK, not OP.

.... A text from Mil to say she doesn't want my boys dressed the same at her diners...

^^

Mil

That's the question the ops asking Bertrand.

Should Mil wind neck in.
It's the very crux of what we were supposed to be discussing