To have ordered a takeaway after promising to cook for guests?

[HuniThos]

I had a baby 3 weeks ago and haven't really had visitors except for my parents and DP's mum. DP's father (lives 3 hours away) arranged with us to come down to ours with his wife (DP's stepmum) and their DD (16) to meet baby etc yesterday. On a whim I said "Oooh I'll cook us all a big roast." The morning before they arrived I went to Asda and spent quite a bit on ingredients and a big pudding for us all. But DD spent the rest of the day screaming and me and DP couldn't settle her and I was too stressed to cook. Just as I settled DD, DP's family arrived and obviously they all had been looking forward to a cuddle and I didn't want to deny them that. That set DD off again and I had to give her a feed to calm her down. After about an hour of passing baby around I went to take her up to bed. By this time it was 6:30ish. When I'm done DP's father hints that he's hungry after the long drive. I go into the kitchen but feel ill when I see all of the ingredients layed out, I was exhausted and didn't want to cook. Asked DP to help but he was busy playing Mario Kart with his sister.

I said "I'm sorry but I'm exhausted and can't cook. I'll order a takeaway." DP's dad exclaimed he'd been looking foward to the roast, knew I responded that I knew he'd driven a long way and we'd pay for the takeaway. We ordered stuff from the chicken shop and then all went to bed around half 12, with DP's family on the sofa. They left around lunch that morning and were getting food on the way home so didn't have breakfast or lunch with us. As soon as they left DP had a go at me about dinner, saying his dad was disappointed about the roast and that he told him felt I was being funny with him. He said I came off as lazy for refusing to cook. We had quite a big row.

I didn't see it that way. I have a newborn FFS and he wouldn't help cook. And his family came to meet DD, not for the meal. We're not a bloody restaraunt ffs! AIBU to think DP is being a prick or was I really that rude?

Aprilly - a roast can take 5 mins - see the 'roast' I've just detailed. Or it can take hours with marinating and stuffing and proper gravy etc etc

Jesus Christ, if my partner had this much disregard for me and my feelings 3 WEEKS POSTPARTUM, he'd be out on his arse. No way would this be acceptable. Sorry but your partner is a piece of shit and his family are just as bad. I'm baffled that people behave like this.

LTB and I don't say that lightly.

I’m sorry all I read was ‘I had a baby three weeks ago’
Therefore impossible for you to be unreasonable with any form of hosting cooking, or not

This is disgusting. You've just had a baby, what the fuck is wrong with them. They sound awful, expecting a new mum to slave over the stove for them!

3 adults are being unreasonable here and it’s not you

Your DH is the biggest prick - you’re 3 weeks Pp and have a 3 week old baby to look after

It would have been an ideal time for some father child bonding DH’s Dad your DH & his sister could have cooked dinner together

Tell your lazy DH he starts cooking or he moves into one of his parents. You have a baby, soon you’ll have a child - that child will need meals, not milk, so he needs to be able to cook! He can learn the basics!!

I did smile at ‘a roast take 5 minutes to prepare’.
Yes if you have the assistance of a menagerie of anthropomorphic, magical woodland animals and your name is Cindabloodyrella.

Op you exaggerate the use of the word partner.
He isn't one.
He is a stroppy teen at best.
Send him back to his vile family.

Hate hate hate people who behave like this.
When a woman has had a baby she should be looked after as much as possible for those first few weeks, allowed to rest recuperate and bond with her baby. Family members should go out of their way to facilitate this. The aim should be to have driven hours to see you and the new baby, either bringing food or the requisite elbow grease to muck in if required. FIL behaved like a Mark Lamarr (50s throwback), DH needs a smacked bum for enabling. He may not see his sister very often, but there are times to sit and play Mario kart and times to prioritise family responsibility.

He should have cooked 100%!!!

My husbands parents just stayed with us for 2 weeks and I literally didn't cook a thing the entire time. He did everything! My husband is the best 🙌🏻

I go into the kitchen but feel ill when I see all of the ingredients layed out Really?

Don't worry OP use this row to lay down the ground rules for all future visitors. DH can get his arse into gear and help or you won't be doing anything until he recognises you've just had a baby and he needs to reassess his priorities which do not include Mario Kart when help was required with dinner!!

I'm struggling to believe this is real. Is your DP that much of an ignorant twat? If so, good luck.

He said I came off as lazy for refusing to cook.

Does he not see the irony here? How does he perceive himself for the exact same refusal?

What an utter tool.

You have a newborn, you shouldn’t be cooking anything! Yanbu

So you will forgive him with the easy excuse that he doesn't see his sister much but he can't see that being 3 weeks pp is a very good reason for not being able to cook?

There's an expectation imbalance there.

Aprilly - a roast can take 5 mins - see the 'roast' I've just detailed. Or it can take hours with marinating and stuffing and proper gravy etc etc

Well I'm glad you explained that you meant only by taking the cheats route it was possible because I was feeling most inadequate there for a minute!

Your partner could have cooked. Or what about buying a cooked chicken from Asda, and then boiling pre cut veggies and microwaving pre made mash/potatoes. But you shouldn’t be getting grief over this, only understanding.

Any toast that takes 5 minutes isn't worth its ingredients

Roast* 5 mi toast is actually quite lengthy

Your partner is a cunt. Truly.

The important lesson from this is that your partner is not kind. You can do better.

I would have been very disappointed with a take away. I always feel ill after take away, and im vegetarian so get shit options at those places locally too. I imagine it is better in cities.

However, your dh is most definitely the problem, not the inlaws. The inlaws were disappointed in something you said would happen which you, very late on the day, decided against. Of course they'd be disappointed. If a friend had told me about a meal in this circumstance I would assume they were prepping it together, not just her. Or her dp would be a bit shit. And id tell him that.

But your dh?! Why the hell could he not stick the roast in the oven and switch the oven on? Why could he not boil some veg?

What is he like Normally?

Quite often on mumsnet, women only notice how uttterly Incompetent, lazy and sexist their partners are until a baby arrives and what the woman thought was going to be ‘their baby’, the partner takes the opinion of ‘her baby.’

Your post made me feel queasy. Two able bodied grown men sulking because a woman with a newborn was too exhausted to cook a full meal for them. I'm honestly disgusted.

Don't take care of two children. Your DH is an adult, whether he understands that or not. I always find it striking that the work traditionally labelled as "women only" is also apparently almost impossible to learn to do. of course it's not, it's just that misogynists think it's beneath them. You have brought a new little girl into the world. Have a think about what you want her to see and learn from her primary role models as she grows.

Must admit, I wouldn't have got a chicken shop takeaway for visitors of mine.

Pressed post too soon. Meant to add that I hope you're ok OP, and that the wee one is feeling a bit more settled.