To give DP a medal for putting up with me not opening the windows in this heat...

[GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery]

Because of crippling arachnophobia? 😭

And yes, Otra, people have literally said that on this thread

I just realized all my time living in the UK I never saw mesh across the windows. It never occurred to me that it didn't exist.

In North America where I grew up and now live again, all the windows typically have screens on them to keep the critters out. Could you order some OP? Makes a world of difference.

OP I’m with you on this. I know how silly I sound when I’m thinking rationally but when I see one all rational thoughts are gone. I’ve been in many situations like pouring down with rain but there is no way I’ll be in a bus shelter or ever walk under anything I’ll step on the road to avoid walking under and over grown tree 🙈

It was something I have just learnt to live with so as long as they don’t come into my spaces we can all live an easy life. One day I know I’ll need to be brave enough for some sort of therapy though

Rtm it's because there aren't as MANY critters in the UK and people value that breeze coming in too much. I'm a Brit but live in Oz and I HATE screens. I know we need them but they stop the free flow of air.

No need for screens in the UK because there aren't swarms of mosquitoes.

I advised further up thread that OP use some black tulle as temporary screens.

Just during the heat. We did this in our old London flat and it worked well....you can see out of the window still too. It's not dark or anything.

I use this to keep flies out - it doesn’t seem to affect airflow and would stop all but the tiniest of spids coming in via the window.

www.lakeland.co.uk/6807/Easy-Fit-Fly-Screen-Kit

@Fairylightsandwine

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Upgraded-Ultrasonic-Repeller-Electronic-Device-Repels/dp/B07QKWYDNN/ref=mpssa118?keywords=insect+plug+in+repellent&qid=1563939858&s=gateway&sprefix=insect+plug&sr=8-8

They're the ones I use - they've been upgraded since I bought them though so these are just the newer version.
I was getting spiders - massive ones probably 3 times a week; I was having to call my dad to come over/my neighbour / my partner .... plugged them in and it took maybe 5-7 days for any difference to happen but since then I haven't had any spiders

OP get yourself some Indoorex from Amazon. It us a home defleaing spray. In the last few years I have only found three big spiders in my home and the were already dead. I never open my bedroom window and come Spider season all doors and windows are closed by evening in case.

DH is every understanding and he installed aircon in our bedroom ladt summer.

We seem to get more spiders in during winter , no windows open then

Those who never open windows- your houses must stink.

Get the phobia sorted OP! I hate spiders but would never dream of keeping the windows closed.

Do folk really think that you can go to the doctors and be miraculously cured of irrational phobias? hmm Do these same doctors cure complete ignorance also?

Has anyone said that? Or have people offered advice about the OP actually doing something about her phobia by at least trying to help her herself by seeing a therapist?

Going to the GP would at least get the ball rolling but nobody thinks her phobia would disappear in one visit.

There are fly nets for windows. I bought some and fitted them at my sisters flat as she really struggled with any insects. Visiting her was hellish.

Those who never open windows- your houses must stink

My windows are open all day from
First thing In the morning - but closed as soon as the lights come on in the evening due to insects!

There’s no way I’d put up with this if I were your DP especially as it seems you haven’t bothered to get help.

Your house must be boiling, stuffy and smell bad.

Oh OP no true phobias are not that common at all. Fear or dislike is common (particularly of spiders) and too many called it phobia. It normal to not like them and get someone else to remove but to then not go in the room isn’t

For example a spider ran across my foot recently I screamed made DH remove it and felt weird for 5 minutes and then moved on with my life as most who dislike spiders would

I suspect your reaction would have been more extreme hence the needing help to overcome it as it is directly affecting your day to day life

If people didn’t pander to this nonsense then you would have to get over it.
Making people check the house, look in corners of rooms.
If people in your life just said no then what🤷‍♀️
How can you not go in a room in your own house( I’m assuming you’re exaggerating)

I couldn’t deal with that. There’s plenty of other ways they can get in, they can get in under the external doors for example.

I feel for you. It's horrible having a phobia and people really don't understand and make you feel like such an inconvenience. Well we probably are an inconvenience, but they could be a bit nicer about it.

CBT will teach you to think differently about your fear and not let it control your actions. This will allow you to build up to mini-exposure, maybe starting with not leaving the room with a spider in it, gradually approaching one etc.

On a side note, you still don't sleep in the bedroom where you saw a spider 5 years ago - you do know it is most definitely dead right?

Huh? Spiders definitely do come in through windows! They may get in via other routes as well, but why would they ignore open windows?

I’m petrified of spiders but to essentially brick up your master bedroom for 5 years is frankly batshit. That’s a level of extreme behaviour way beyond even the majority of arachnophobes and you should seek help.

Spiders don't come in the windows FFS

I know where you are coming from, they turn my blood cold. I feel the same if I see one on the internet of tv.

Since moving to an old cottage they are unavoidable and as long as they aren’t moving too much I’m happy leave a few as they catch the flies.

Open windows are not always the best thing in this heat. In fact, the advice is to keep them closed and the curtains drawn across the windows when direct sun shines onto them; it keeps the interior cooler.

Mosquitoes are a real problem with open windows too. One of these days I might seriously consider AC units.

As for phobias, I'm just as bad about wasps. I have the worst aversion to them of anyone I know. I had therapy for this last year, but as the wasps disappeared as soon as it had concluded I have no idea whether or not it's been successful. I shall have to be confronted with wasps again in order to find out! (But still shuddering at the thought).

Thanks to PP for the suggestion of the flyscreens! Off to Amazon to invest in some of these - along with my usual waspinators ...

I can understand your fear op only mine is with bees and wasps, I just can’t settle if I know they can gain entry. I don’t keep all windows closed but there are certain ones I won’t open because it’s close to a heather bush for eg.

Like someone said upthread, I’ve gotten used to actively avoiding areas where I know they will buzz around. Walking into roads to give a bush a wide berth. Thankfully mine is only limited to the warmer weather but the fear behind it will actually one day cause me to have an accident. I know it and I still do it. I wish I didn’t fear them but as soon as I hear a buzz I’m off!

It’s actually a known thing in my family where they know I just won’t settle on a day out in the park or something similar. I can’t say I am on the same level of fear as you but if I know DP has left a window open in the morning when leaving for work (6am) I’ll have to get up and close it for fear of a bee or wasp buzzing around.

@Macca84 - no the NHS does not pay for the London zoo course but it does pay for a course of CBT (in England at least) and you do not have to go to the GP to access it usually as nearly all English IAPT services are accessible through self referral. If someone's life is being limited to the extent that they are having to avoid places and cause themselves and those who live/work with them extreme discomfort, why should that be treated any differently from someone who is getting a non-life threatening physical health condition? There is a preventative benefit too because what you learn in the therapy can be applied elsewhere in life and the reduction in constantly stimulated stress hormones (which someone with a true phobia will suffer) is protective against other health conditions such as diabetes or heart problems.

OP- CBT does incorporate exposure too but it goes at your own pace.