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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Class wedding - just me or is it a bit creepy?

313 replies

NotAnotherJaffaCake · 22/07/2019 09:09

CofE primary, quite churchy. Rural catchment so no choice of schools unless you want to drive. They are organising a Class Wedding for one of the KS1 class - basically role playing a wedding at the local church.

Is it just me or is this creepy? Can't put my finger on it but it feels entirely inappropriate for small children. It's one thing kids messing about playing but another thing to be told by a vicar that God will not permit divorce. And there is no way this school will demonstrate a Jewish or Hindu wedding, let alone a gay one. And how do the kids whose parents have split up or never married in the first place feel?

AIBU?

OP posts:
Theflying19 · 24/07/2019 08:50

Our school does this. It's just a pretend situation where the kids get to use the church in a way they wouldn't usually. If it's a c of e church then it's totally reasonable for them to show what a wedding is like. It was part of the r.e. curriculum. As long as no child is forced to marry someone they don't like, even pretend! Our school also pretends a baptism.
The school also does visits to a mosque, temple and synagogue. But it is a c of e school and its reasonable for them to use the church resource nearby.

lilypoppet · 24/07/2019 08:50

I don't like class weddings. Children doing adult things can be a bit Paedophile-feeling. Like the old Shirley Temple burlesque movies.

WombatChocolate · 24/07/2019 09:34

Marriage does seem to be something which is increasingly a class-based thing. I'm not speaking about the older generations where marriage was common across all groups, but amongst those who are under 45, people are far more likely to marry if they are middle class.

This is partly why some people think marriage is old fashioned or doesn't happen- because they live in areas or mix with people where few are married and very few marr in Church. If you go to most independent schools you will find the parent body are almost entirely married (or have been).

I think it's really interesting that people decide marriage is old fashioned or weddings something of the past. It suggests to me a very narrow experience and social group to think that and also only an awareness of an extremely limited time period. Things are changing, but more slowly and less extensively than some people seem to think. Individuals may personally choose not to marry but there is still widespread support for marriage across society and particularly amongst the more affluent.

And going back to the school wedding in Church thing - it isn't the Churchbwhich push this. Study of the Church is on the school national curriculum set by government not the church. It's hard to believe that anyone would think some kind of study of the church should not be included in the curriculum, even if you aren't religious - I'd have thought most people can see the church has been hugely important in society in the past and whatever anyone thinks personally about it, still has a role today. Therefore children should know about it, unless we are saying they should only learn about a narrow range of things which fit our personal interests. They also learn about other religions, but by the age of 5 will of course had limited exposure to any area if the curriculum and it's not surprising they start with the Church and not the Synagogue when it is something more children will easily relate to. So the Church and some basic ceremonies such as marriage are laid out by the government as topics to be covered. Primary schools love to make learning active - dressing up, role playing, out on site if possible - evidence suggests it all helps learning. So most schools will visit a church - it's usually a very easy,mlocal trip. They will look at features such as stained glass windows and the font and they might or might not role play a church ceremony. They could look at communion or baptism but for 5 year olds, a wedding ceremony is usually something they can understand and find more interesting. It is a learning experience, not a telling them that everyone must get married or married in a church. I'm amazed that people can't see the difference between a government-led curriculum topic and something being what they seem determined to see as church indoctrination.

I suspect that one of the reasons some people feel uncomfortable with this, is simply because a church wedding is outside the realm of experience for some people and that things outside their experience make them feel uncomfortable and go back to prejudices and misunderstandings of that thing. So people don't actually ask questions and gather facts about what is going on but make assumptions - it must be the church pushing an agenda, it must be saying everyone should marry, it must be excluding all other religions or not teaching diversity ........

missyB1 · 24/07/2019 11:05

But why a wedding? That’s an adult thing, children don’t get married, and aren’t emotionally mature enough to understand what marriage means, or indeed what adult relationships are about. A christening might be more appropriate if they must act out a church ceremony, they could christen a doll.

picklemepopcorn · 24/07/2019 12:08

Because a wedding is what happens in church.

Most people now go into church for weddings and funerals, occasionally christenings.

They do not know anything about the buildings, the specialist things in there, etc.

Going into a church, getting shown around, seeing what a wedding would be like, just gives children a bit more understanding of something which is historically and culturally important regardless of your beliefs.

Enclume · 24/07/2019 12:15

Missy, true, but christening opens up another can of worms... unbaptised infants, purgatory, holy water, exorcisms, the devil, and all that other nonsense.

Tbh the goth in me thinks staging a funeral of, say, the class teddy would be kinda epic.

Turnitaroundagain · 26/07/2019 13:42

It’s creepy. Don’t send your kid in on that day if you’re uncomfortable with it. On Valentine’s Day my sons school did some weird stuff and it was just embarrassing for him. If I’d have known I would have let him have the day off. There’s no need for this stuff in primary school or at all in my opinion, but particularly not in primary school. If they are going to role play anything it should be about showing kindness and for anti-bullying reasons.

Turnitaroundagain · 26/07/2019 14:41

Enclume that is actually way less creepy

creche12 · 05/12/2019 14:09

Please see:

www.kentonline.co.uk/dartford/news/child-marriages-sparks-bitter-row-128370

Also, there is another mumsnet discussion about this same issue:

mumsnet - does your school hold mock weddings and baptisms.

FrancisCrawford · 05/12/2019 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SympatheticSwan · 05/12/2019 19:08

They had the same in our school - which is not religious. It totally weirded me out. It was held in a local church with a real priest.
I am not British, but prepubescent girls in wedding gowns just absolutely don't look right to me.

PlanetMJ · 05/12/2019 19:24

My kids go to our village C of E school. DH and I are were concerned about them going to a faith school for all the reasons already mentioned. We took an initial tour and were very relieved to spot a huge wedding display with decorated pictures of brides and grooms. Closer inspection showed lots of bride marrying brides and grooms marrying grooms. Also what looked like Kermit and cookie monster getting betrothed. Very liberal!

57mama · 05/12/2019 19:59

Not weird IMO. DD's religious studies class recently acted out a ceremony because they just couldn't understand it (most people in our area marry in a registry office), and she's in year 10! They didn't do a same sex wedding as they obviously can't happen in a church. They had to play around with gender roles a bit as there's only 1 boy in the class, but it helped them understand what happens.

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