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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Class wedding - just me or is it a bit creepy?

313 replies

NotAnotherJaffaCake · 22/07/2019 09:09

CofE primary, quite churchy. Rural catchment so no choice of schools unless you want to drive. They are organising a Class Wedding for one of the KS1 class - basically role playing a wedding at the local church.

Is it just me or is this creepy? Can't put my finger on it but it feels entirely inappropriate for small children. It's one thing kids messing about playing but another thing to be told by a vicar that God will not permit divorce. And there is no way this school will demonstrate a Jewish or Hindu wedding, let alone a gay one. And how do the kids whose parents have split up or never married in the first place feel?

AIBU?

OP posts:
frangipan · 23/07/2019 19:50

We had a class wedding back in the 1980’s when Prince Andrew and Fergie got married, it was hilarious, it was fun, we had and excuse to dress up in mad 80’s ‘posh’ attire and no one gave a rats ass about the religious elements (C/E primary school, church on a Wednesday etc) it was all about cake and fun! I was a bridesmaid 😆 😂

Frogsandsheep · 23/07/2019 20:01

ReanimatedSGB

As a liberal, ‘honest about my doubts’ vicar married to a lovely liberal atheist I find the terminology in your post really offensive.
I understand it was probably meant to be offensive and provocative, but I devote my life to being kind and respectful to all people regardless of faith and live in a household where we believe complete different things and respect each other. It’s pretty shit when I’m met with mockery.
I don’t expect you to care but I feel I’d like to say that it hurts more than you’d imagine to read posts like yours. Believe what you like (I’ve no desire to convert anyone on here) but deliberately disrespectful language is unnecessary.

Alsohuman · 23/07/2019 20:15

@Frogsandsheep, I’m so glad you said that. The disrespect for religion on MN drives me crazy. And I’m an atheist.

Huncamuncaa · 23/07/2019 20:24

Very few people choose to say 'obey'. You don't have to be 'given away' though just as in secular weddings, many choose to include it.

In the C of E you can remarry after divorce. Anyone notice Megan Markle's wedding to Prince Harry?? You can be in a gay relationship, many church leaders are in openly gay relationships and gay marriage is top of the agenda for debate.

If you think the C of E is teaching homophobic views, why send your child to that school? If you think the vicar is judging every divorced parent go and ask if they. Many vicars are divorced themselves and some have remarried.

I find it offensive that people feel entitled to call Christianity superstitious nonsense, while arguing that we've moved on to be a more inclusive society. I would love my child to take part in a religious ceremony which is not my own, precisely because I want them to grow up understanding and including everyone.

Teddy1970 · 23/07/2019 20:27

DD had a class wedding when Harry got married to Meghan, she didn't have a main part she was a guest, but we had to make a hat and she wore a dress on the day, she really enjoyed it at the time, but she's not mentioned it since, so I can't get worked up about it really.

VerbenaGirl · 23/07/2019 20:27

Odd.....

Isitactuallyme · 23/07/2019 20:31

And this is everything I despise about discussion regarding faith in schools on Mumsnet.
The church teaches that marriage is between a man and a woman in order to produce children and bring them up in the faith in a stable environment.
Regardless of what my personal opinions are , they are the Christian church's teachings. If you disagree then don't send your child to a faith school!
The children will also be taught about other religions and their beliefs and traditions but will have to follow Christian teachings predominantly in RE.
No respect for faith - no faith school. Surely it's simple?

ReanimatedSGB · 23/07/2019 20:43

AGAIN for the hard of thinking: some people have no option other than the local superstition school.
And also: Your superstitions do not deserve respect. Your right to believe in whatever imaginary friend or other silly old bollocks you like, as long as you are not inflicting it on others, I will absolutely defend. But no, I will not speak or write 'respectfully' about myths that are at best a bit silly and at worst pretty harmful (misogyny, homophobia, the condoning of child abuse, sectarian warfare etc, all in the name of imaginary friends.)

alreadytaken · 23/07/2019 20:50

I cant get worked up about children palying at weddings. I could get worked up about the sort of intolerance shown by ReanimatedSGB.

CallmeBadJanet · 23/07/2019 20:53

Nope. Too weird!

FelicisNox · 23/07/2019 20:54

We all know the answer to this: brainwashing.

They are stamping their religious views on children: their version of what's "right."

Not sure about creepy but it's certainly inappropriate.

You're right. There won't be a variety of weddings to reflect a changing society will there?

Nope. Not ok IMO and it's the thinking that it's harmless that is part of the problem...... indoctrination by stealth.

june2007 · 23/07/2019 21:00

My son did this, and I have done in nursery's t's just a way to teach about weddings. Why is it creepy? Kids generally find it fun. I think the problem is you.

Dieu · 23/07/2019 21:01

It's inappropriate and weird. YANBU.

Huncamuncaa · 23/07/2019 21:17

So I have a right to believe what I want, but not the right to discuss my beleifs on a public forum without a tirade of abuse which reduces my faith to 'imaginary friends'.

Do you speak to people of all faiths in this way?

I support there being more school options for parents which aren't faith schools, if you're interested.

Cornishgorl44 · 23/07/2019 21:27

I do this with my class every year. We invite parents along. The topic is celebrating. We talk about families and friends coming together to celebrate and be happy. . We also have a mock Hindu wedding and compare the two. No way do we ever talk about obeying. The parents and children love it all. The local vicar talks in a very appropriate way about marriage.

Nothingcomesforfree · 23/07/2019 21:28

It’s just another way of presenting an RE lesson. Understanding the background to what constitutes a Christian weddings enables discussion on why people may do things differently. Different faiths, no faiths, alternative beliefs.
You have to know what you are arguing against if you want to argue surely? And if you want to pass GCSE RE you have to name consitute parts to the ceremony. of whatever faith,

GhostsToMonsoon · 23/07/2019 21:34

My daughter's class (at a non-denominational school) had a mock wedding at the local church when she was in Reception, as part of their learning about celebrations. I was a parent helper so got to watch. They had a ceremony led by the vicar followed by a 'wedding breakfast' of party food and they all got dressed up. I thought it was a bit of an odd thing to do, and I think the children got a bit bored in the ceremony, but they seemed to enjoy it on the whole. Apparently one of the mums also came in at some point to talk about her Muslim wedding. I don't know if they discussed civil ceremonies or weddings in other cultures or religions (I doubt it).

EllenMP · 23/07/2019 21:35

I would find this both icky and also offensively patriarchal and hetero-normative too. So this is a learning experience about the sacrament of marriage? Are they going to explain to the little girls that the bride wears white because she is expected to be "pure?" And that the father gives her away because historically he was transferring ownership of her from himself to her husband? Are they going to explain about marriage equality and having two brides or two grooms? And divorce? And explain that it's ok to NOT be married and in fact you can still have a perfectly fulfilling Christian life without ever participating in this sacrament? Gross. I wouldn't pull my child out of school for it, but I would definitely discuss my discomfort with the head.

saraclara · 23/07/2019 21:36

I would love my child to take part in a religious ceremony which is not my own, precisely because I want them to grow up understanding and including everyone.

Exactly.
And another non-believer here who finds talk of superstition, sky fairies and flying spaghetti monsters really unpleasant. Those who say these things are often the first to claim that religious people are disrespectful of others.

Frogsandsheep · 23/07/2019 21:37

@Frogsandsheep, I’m so glad you said that. The disrespect for religion on MN drives me crazy. And I’m an atheist.

Thank you for this comment. Malicious comments are so unnecessary, especially when they generalise an entire group of people. Pretty much all my friends and family are atheist or agnostic and I’ve never had abuse off atheists in real life!!
I’m as non judgmental and liberal as you can get and it goes without saying that I don’t condone any of the evils of people in the church either now or historically.

Frogsandsheep · 23/07/2019 21:45

ReanimatedSGB

You obviously have some issues with the church and I’m sorry that this has caused you to feel such anger.
Just to add, apart from to the people who choose to come to my church, I don’t force my beliefs on anyone (including my dc) and when I do classes or assemblies for local schools I talk about what Christians believe and don’t tell them what to believe.

Alsohuman · 23/07/2019 22:03

Presumably most of the outraged posters live in heterosexual relationships. Are you not all modelling heteronormality to your children?

Enclume · 23/07/2019 22:25

Well, there is a difference between, on the one hand, being shacked up with a man, perhaps even marrying him for various reasons, and on the other hand liking the symbolism of the traditional marriage ceremony, all that giving away of the bride from one man to another, and making vows before a supernatural being

I see certain advantages to marriage but weddings are not to my taste at all!

bananasaidso · 23/07/2019 22:28

what exactly does the whole procedure entail? if they are going to show how weddings are conducted in a church then it's ok and educational. but if it is kids role playing and someone actually carrying out the ceremony then it's a no from me. I find wedding/marriage to be sacred and not to be messed about like this. Dressing up is different. As kids we did marry off our dolls but never carried out a full on wedding for ourselves. This will make me very uncomfortable and I will definitely raise objection to marrying of little kids (see what I did there? Grin )