Class wedding - just me or is it a bit creepy?

[NotAnotherJaffaCake]

CofE primary, quite churchy. Rural catchment so no choice of schools unless you want to drive. They are organising a Class Wedding for one of the KS1 class - basically role playing a wedding at the local church.

Is it just me or is this creepy? Can't put my finger on it but it feels entirely inappropriate for small children. It's one thing kids messing about playing but another thing to be told by a vicar that God will not permit divorce. And there is no way this school will demonstrate a Jewish or Hindu wedding, let alone a gay one. And how do the kids whose parents have split up or never married in the first place feel?

AIBU?

Church of England Schools have regular SIAMs inspections. They are similar to OFSTED but concentrate on the impact of the school’s Christian vision on the adults and pupils. If you don’t want this for your child then you need to send them to a different school.

I was about to say it's a bit weird but then I remembered we always used to play "Giving Birth" when we were kids (albeit not at school).

One of us would lie down on the bed and the other would be the baby under the cover and pretend to come down the birth canal.

Now that's weird.

They did this in ds school when he was in reception. I did find it uncomfortable because I thought it was age inappropriate. Why did they need to learn about weddings and marriage (and only church based ceremonies) at age 4? They had a bride, groom, best man and bridesmaids and the vows were made in church - all very odd. Then they had the wedding reception back at school. The children all had to go to school in wedding guest outfits. It was a ridiculous over the top awkward affair, and no one complained but there was a lot of eye rolling amongst the parents. It was cringeworthy tbh.

There's a Catholic strand in my immediate orbit, and I've attended those bizarre confirmations in which little girls (aged about 7, not the usually-recommended 14) are dressed up as brides in veils.
You obviously weren't paying the slightest bit of attention as that's not a Confirmation. I'll file that under Things That Didnt Happen.

You obviously weren't paying the slightest bit of attention as that's not a Confirmation.

You're right. Very likely I wasn't. I have little patience with any of that inappropriate shizzle.

I'll file that under Things That Didnt Happen

You do that. It's of scant concern to me what strangers on here believe.

Dione yy I was just about to post the same.

Mariel, I couldn't agree with your post more.

Dione, I think it is possible that Confirmation might happen at 7. Although 14 is more common now AFAIK. Or the poster could have meant First Communion. In any case, any point you were trying to make is somewhat lost what with the snarky tone and face.

Confirmation doesn't happen at 7. It happens in your teens or above. That sounds like First Communion which is a Catholic thing, not CofE.

It is not anymore inappropriate than teaching 5-year-olds about LGBT!

I don't think it's creepy as it's a church school. However if my DD was doing it I would be discussing with her at home the history of marriage, the traditions,
women being property historically, the patriarchy, changing her surname etc and she would get my viewpoint to balance what they are taught in school (which she would roll her eyes at no doubt - she is used to me expressing my views!)

Isn't it on the curriculum and so that's why so many schools cover it. In RE they start by looking at some of the aspects of the Church that little children can relate to.....and most will have heard of marriage and have something to pin what they are taught on. For schools which have a link to a church, they often go to the church and use it as a resource. Acting out all kinds of things are common in primary schools. This is just one of those instances.

It will be on the curriculum later to look at ceremonies in other religions. But at this stage they look at Christianity. Wedding services in other religions will get covered but not at this point. They will be careful to be saying that this is the Church service and other people might get married in other ways.

Schools do teach about diversity and the curriculum is carefully organised to be age appropriate and to not try to cram too much into one space. So the topic for Yr1 will be very simple and be looking at the Church and looking at one simple service that small children might have an understanding of already. This doesn't mean other approaches to marriage aren't covered, but they come a bit later in the curriculum. I'd have thought that going to the Church and acting out a wedding would be something the children would enjoy and remember.

And I'm not keen on emphasising marriage within "RE"
It's one of the Sacraments which are part of the curriculum.

The CofE, along with the other churches of the reformation, recognises two sacraments, namely baptism and Holy Communion. The Roman Catholic Church recognises 7 sacraments, including marriage.

Not really relevant to the OP, but I can’t abide inaccuracy.

I don't know Nikita, I think my tone and snarky face clearly make the point that I have little tolerance for "I think it, therefore it's a fact and I'm going to spout my uniformed bullshit on the Mumsnet about it".

church schools are like this, you can choose a community one if you like.
The Christian religion takes marriage seriously, if kids parents are divorced it's the parents fault not the church or school. There will be more who come from a secure family.

I'm not at all sure I understand your objections. My daughter goes to a CofE school and we are also Christian. She learns a lot about other religions in RE

If they were to role play a wedding, she wouldn't be told that God doesn't permit divorce as that isn't true. I am divorced myself. She would also learn about Gay marriage being permitted and celebrated as it is. I am also bi-sexual.

I think it's icky, too. It's not blindingly appropriate to reinforce heteronormative patriarchy to kids in this way. Even if OP lives somewhere absolutely six-fingered, the likelihood is that some of the kids will know LGBTQ people, or non-Christians...

Those of who are thoroughly disgusted by this- would you take your child to a wedding?

ReanimatedSGB So you’d only take your child to a wedding if it was man-man, women-women?

When I grew up gay couples weren’t greatly accepted, never mind marriages. They’re only fairly recent. I didn’t grow up hating gay couples or being unacceptive of gay marriage.

Most people don’t promise to ‘obey’ and our vicar says ‘brings’ rather than ‘gives’ and it can be anyone. My dd chose her elder brother but it could have been me or her step dad or no one.

Learning about people's religious practice is a normal part of religious education. Role play is fun for children. That's all.

As for the vicar saying God will not permit divorce, that's not any CofE I've ever come across. Marriage is a one-off, you don't remarry in church (unless you're my ex who happened to be in the Freemasons with the vicar) but divorce is sometimes 'the lesser of two evils'. Jesus, of course, said 'There is no marriage in heaven' so marriage/remarriage is a bit of a non-event really . I don't know the current teaching. Maybe things have changed.

As an RE professional (I once was) I'd be uncomfortable with a lot of stuff that goes on in schools - putting on turbans, handing round artefacts, acting out prayer positions, all sorts of things. As a grandma, less so. If they're having fun and it's different from the daily routine, give it a go.

Dione, the poster acknowledged that she might have got the terminology wrong.

It is not anymore inappropriate than teaching 5-year-olds about LGBT!

Lessons on LGBT awareness are aimed at just that –making children aware of different modes of relationships. Acting out the most mainstream existing mode (as opposed to teaching about it in other ways) is not comparable as it heavily implies that 'this is the thing to do.'

Those of who are thoroughly disgusted by this- would you take your child to a wedding? I think many are making the point that it's CHILDREN acting out an adult ceremony that includes the need for sexual consummation that is disturbing.

They will learn about various different religions as part of the national curriculum as they would at any school. My daughter attended a C of E village school, and what they learned in the fullness of time was heavily skewed towards other religions.

I am also amused that from a wide field of world religions not known for their equal opportunities policies, it’s the patrimony of the C of E that the OP complains of ( based on some false assumptions). You might want to brace yourself for the next few years OP as other religions are explored, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

And finally, the insults towards rural communities in general from the “woke” people on this thread - “absolutely six-fingered”, “Whicker (sic) Man”, “Stepford Wives” et al - are bigoted, ignorant and not at all inclusive.

Ooh, the irony.

Those of who are thoroughly disgusted by this- would you take your child to a wedding?

Would children be expected to reenact the parts of the blissfully happy marrying couple in a role-play? If not then the two situations don't compare.

I think it's icky, too. It's not blindingly appropriate to reinforce heteronormative patriarchy to kids in this way.

Agreed. CoE is the denomination of school attended by my DC, and does take its RE seriously as you'd expect from a church school. But as to young children role-playing weddings, I've thankfully never heard of such a thing. No wonder OP is having reservations about it. So would I.

Lots of things at school are "completely unnecessary", but done to make the information or what is on the National Curriculum more interesting. We could petition to cu tout this kind of information or just show videos or read books on it, but when one has an opportunity to have people of that culture share part of it, I don't get why it's such a bad thing. RE isn't just the study of facts of religions, but discusses the thoughts and rituals throughout life from multiple points of view including the common ones.

Having kids act out a CoE wedding isn't indoctrination. It isn't automatically "instilling ideology". To do that, it would have to somehow prevent kids or parents discussing this in any critical way and set it up as an ideal within a system. The latter could happen, but it could equally not just as having the kids act out any other rite - which several people have said they want the kids to do ones of multiple faiths - does not mean setting up an ideal. It can just as easily be 'this is a thing that happens in this group'.

I can't help but think if I had KS1 kids enact Day of the Dead rituals with dressing up as skeletons and making altars and maybe even saying prayers for the dead, people might be more forgiving and ignore the very Christian parts of it, as its part of studying 'world cultures' and because most Brits view it as silly and know that just doing that once isn't going to perpetuate any ideas that aren't firmly part of their family and community life. I think it's better to focus on what we can do at home and in our communities, rather than pretending that one event at school is going to be the making or breaking of a belief.

I'm a Catholic. And even I think this is creepy.