Class wedding - just me or is it a bit creepy?

[NotAnotherJaffaCake]

CofE primary, quite churchy. Rural catchment so no choice of schools unless you want to drive. They are organising a Class Wedding for one of the KS1 class - basically role playing a wedding at the local church.

Is it just me or is this creepy? Can't put my finger on it but it feels entirely inappropriate for small children. It's one thing kids messing about playing but another thing to be told by a vicar that God will not permit divorce. And there is no way this school will demonstrate a Jewish or Hindu wedding, let alone a gay one. And how do the kids whose parents have split up or never married in the first place feel?

AIBU?

You’re a bit out of date, OP! The compulsory “Obey” vow for women was dropped from the marriage service in the 1920’s, when it became optional. Ditto the “giving away” by father of the bride- many brides now don’t choose to do this.
Personally I detest weddings, but they are a big cultural thing, and there’s nothing wrong in showing the kids what a ceremony involves.

Think I overdid it a bit as the headteacher looked scared and I’ve heard on the grapevine they aren’t doing it next year, just talking about how ‘some’ weddings can look.

Good for you!

I'm Team Yuck.

There are other ways of teaching about the sacraments, if that's the intent. A role-played baptism using a baby doll would have a lot less patriarchal baggage (but I suspect no church would go for that).

You haven’t had to boat in the c of e marriage service for years. Op you do seem to have a massive chip on your shoulder about the church - time to find a different school?!

Obeying hasn’t been in the wedding order of service for years!

My children did this years ago at a church primary and they haven’t been scarred or brainwashed.

Aw I used to love playing weddings as a kid and even had a brides and grooms themed fancy dress party aged about 8! Depends on how kid or adult led it is I reckon.

Just to reassure on the wording, in the last 10 years I've only been to one church wedding which used the "obey" wording of the vows and that was a baptist church, it's considered very old fashioned and out of use in CofE churches and usually the man and women say identical vows.

OP, nobody promises to obey their husband these days. I’ve been married 20 years and nobody did then either. Thousands of people go through marriage ceremonies every year, why would showing children what one looks like be creepy? I’m not sure I even understand what creepy means in this context, it’s an odd choice of word.

I have no idea why people are getting so wound up about this. Little kids are learning about weddings. It's being done in a fun way. They're 5 or 6. They will learn all about other cultures/marriage/living together without marriage at some point in the future.

Kids learn about this stuff as part of the national curriculum. Maybe you should take it up with the govt rather than a school that's trying to make the lesson fun.

this is very odd

I'd be asking a lot of questions.

no, never played "wedding" as a child. But anyway, that's totally different than a school teaching it. Then again, I think there's a lot of time wasting shit in schools.

Oh...and I didn't obey in my church wedding which was over 40 years ago!

DS’s old Primary School have started to do this in YR. They also do a Hindu ceremony. It is a rural school in a very non diverse area. I suppose it is a fun way to show the differences in ceremonies and religions.

I agree OP, they could role play with parent or teacher volunteers if it’s so educationally valuable. Child marriage shouldn’t even be role played.

If you were so against the C of E you could have chosen to send your kids elsewhere. You don’t say to obey your husband in most C of E ceremonies and you discuss with the vicar what that means, it’s not straightforward- anyway it’s not a part of the more modern vows. Divorce is surprisingly not mentioned in the wedding ceremony! And yes the woman is ‘given away’ but it is more a symbolic moving from one family to another - not being handed over like property. You seem terribly negative!

I don’t quite know why they are doing it but it could educate them out of these misconceptions that you have about C of E weddings!

They did this at my DD's CofE school. No one had an issue. The children put their names in the "pot" of what role they wanted. My DD chose "wedding guest" and everyone enjoyed it.

They're now Year 5 and last week were ribbing the "bride" and "groom" about it being their wedding anniversary 😂

My Gdd (4) would love it. Last Christmas I found her 'marrying' one of the Wise Men from the Nativity set I'd knitted, to one of her Barbies. (He did look rather splendid.)
She will be going to a C of E school in September and I'm sure my entirely non religious dd and SiL wouldn't turn a hair about anything like this.

I came home once to find my MIL and my little daughters playing weddings. MIL had found bits of net and stuff to create a wedding dress for the youngest and they were having a wonderful time.

What a shame Mumsnet wasn''t around at the time so I could have posted a "should I go NC with MIL after what she did?" OP.

I do think it's creepy and " reinforcing patriarchal and heteronormative traditions" as Orchid said, and excluding of various people. But then I'm an atheist feminist who doesn't think much of marriage! If you send your child to a faith school, this is the kind of thing you're going to get.

I'd use the opportunity to talk to my DC about marriage, other options, other traditions, divorce, etc.

I wonder if the village also has a scarecrow festival ...

I do find it odd but I wouldn't get up in arms about it.

Flouncy you forgot the inappropriate best man speech

I can't believe how many people are ok with this. It is vile on a number of levels. Apart from anything else, it is not just dressing up and playing weddings in someone's living room, it is an actual church. I am horrified.

Ours did it as a way of bringing to life RE lessons on the sacraments. If children have never been to a church wedding it must be quite hard to picture but role play is a good tool for this and many things. Good fun too.

I’m not sure I even understand what creepy means in this context, it’s an odd choice of word.

Kids doing adult things, is what I mean by it. And kids doing a very limited adult thing with a definite undertone of 'this is what right-thinking people do.'

And yes the woman is ‘given away’ but it is more a symbolic moving from one family to another - not being handed over like property

But why is it exclusively the woman? Why does a man not walk down the aisle with his mother? It isn't 'negative' to question these things.