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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Class wedding - just me or is it a bit creepy?

313 replies

NotAnotherJaffaCake · 22/07/2019 09:09

CofE primary, quite churchy. Rural catchment so no choice of schools unless you want to drive. They are organising a Class Wedding for one of the KS1 class - basically role playing a wedding at the local church.

Is it just me or is this creepy? Can't put my finger on it but it feels entirely inappropriate for small children. It's one thing kids messing about playing but another thing to be told by a vicar that God will not permit divorce. And there is no way this school will demonstrate a Jewish or Hindu wedding, let alone a gay one. And how do the kids whose parents have split up or never married in the first place feel?

AIBU?

OP posts:
SteelCicada · 22/07/2019 23:51

I am a practising Christian, married in the CofE, keen to send my children to a CofE school. I also thought a class wedding, in church, was a bit of a weird idea for 4-5 y.o.s.

But it wasn't, largely because they didn't actually act out a real wedding. They can't, in fact. Marriage vows are performative, they do the thing the words describe (as long as the right conditions are met, which obviously they weren't either as 5 y.o.s can't legally marry), and priests are very aware that they need to be really careful to make sure that form of words is only used in the right context and people don't accidentally marry when they're not supposed to. The vicar talked the children through the CofE wedding service and paraphrased it for them, so it went something like this:

Vicar: "Before two people can get married, it's my job to check that they actually want to marry each other. And then, when we're sure they do, we get to the bit where they promise to love each other and look after each other for the rest of their lives. So Josiah, you're pretending to be the groom, you say, 'Georgia, I promise to love you and look after you for the rest of my life', and then you can whisper 'Not really!', because we know you're only five and this is only a pretend wedding."

So it was learning about a sacrament in the CofE, yes (and there were other occasions, like the Chinese New Year lunch, when they learned about other cultures and belief systems). But even though they were dressed up, it was very clearly not a creepy enactment of an adult rite of passage.

namechangeninjaevervigilant · 23/07/2019 09:39

Children do accept everything around them as standard whether that’s drugs, abuse, poverty, church going or a mix of all of the above and more. Their world, for good or ill, is the only world they know.

This situation doesn’t last though. As they grow and their horizons broaden they start to challenge and question. My DH went to faith schools all their lives. They accepted what they were taught in school and also accepted that lots of other people had other faiths, beliefs and values. As they matured they began to question (as they should)and neither of them practice that faith any longer.

But I’m still glad they went to the faith schools. They were secure, safe communities. They got to know people from babies to war veterans through the wide network of churches and schools, they learned the value and pleasure of participating in community activities and in giving and helping others and they have life long friends. Although they no longer believe in the sacraments or doctrines they were taught I think the core values remain with them and that’s what’s important.

PennyPitStop19 · 23/07/2019 17:44

Creepy.

GrandMarmoset · 23/07/2019 17:47

Very weird and yes a bit creepy.

Yorkshiremummyof4 · 23/07/2019 17:56

Our school did this when there was a royal wedding, and they all really enjoyed it. I personally don’t think there is any harm in it. We are CofE though, and my husband and I have separated.

Throughthenever · 23/07/2019 18:06

I am sure this has been mentioned but no energy to read 10 pages of replies....

Just to note that many people dont say obey in their vows. Its generally dropped now and our vicar checked we didn't want it in rather than taking it out

nuxe1984 · 23/07/2019 18:10

I also don't think that just because they are a CofE school, they get off the hook for not talking about other religions.

Under the Equalities Act 2010, faith schools are allowed to discriminate in how they provide education but cannot discriminate in relation to other protected characteristics listed under the Act. So they can't imply a male-female relationship is better than a same-sex one or say that being married is better than living together but they can visit cathedral and don't have to visit other religious buildings. So they can undertake a mock C of E wedding but not look at other religious ceremonies.

pollymere · 23/07/2019 18:16

It's part of the National Curriculum to learn about weddings etc. A Christian school can opt to only teach that faith during RE lessons.

Juliehooligan · 23/07/2019 18:30

My daughter went to a C of E. School and this didn’t happen even though it has strong links to the church, the school also promotes a healthy attitude towards different religions and to same sex relationships. The one you are describing seems very behind the times with its attitudes.

vasillisa · 23/07/2019 18:35

Laughing at Wicker Man with Orange Squash...

Miltonj · 23/07/2019 18:36

My primary school did this, it was fun, we rehearsed lots of songs and dressed up... but that was in 1997.... A lot has changed culturally and i think it would be inappropriate these days as it maybe presents marriage and traditional nuclear family as the norm.... when that's just not the case anymore.

Alsohuman · 23/07/2019 18:48

Marriage hasn’t changed since 1997 nor has the marriage ceremony. Society doesn’t change beyond all recognition in 22 years.

Lovemusic33 · 23/07/2019 18:51

I remember doing this as a kid, I played the part of the lady getting married, I think I was 7 or 8 at the time. Didn’t find it weird at all.

ReanimatedSGB · 23/07/2019 18:54

Actually, a bigger reason why it's icky is: remember the aggro and tantrums caused by school plays in general, when little A's's mum thinks it's unfair and special treatment that little B gets all the speaking parts because little B's mum pays for drama lessons, and all the fat kids/speccy kids/poor kids get stuck at the back being animals, merry peasants and trees? Imagine the rucks and hurt feelings that will go on over something like this, if they make a big deal of it...

Alsohuman · 23/07/2019 18:55

You mean just like a real wedding ...

Bugbabe1970 · 23/07/2019 19:03

Our primary school did it and they visited the local mosque to and did prayers there
The kids enjoyed it. It was fun and educational
UABU

LoveBeingAMum555 · 23/07/2019 19:08

I find the whole thing odd, especially as they are going to the trouble of going to a church to do this. Role play in school is a bit different and I am not sure I would want my child to be bride or groom in this pretend church wedding, but I can't really explain why. Having said that I don't feel strongly enough to insist that my child didn't take part, if everyone else was going along with it.

Mouldiwarp1 · 23/07/2019 19:08

I don’t think it’s that unusual op. If you’re that bothered about it ask what it involves. Are they going to discuss other faith weddings? Same sex weddings? I think most primaries do these days. Even rural ones. I don’t think anyone ‘obeys’ in weddings nowadays do they? The bottom line is you’ve sent your DC to this school because you don’t want to drive. Your choice. I’m curious to know if you are from the area or an incomer!

Mouldiwarp1 · 23/07/2019 19:14

Oh, and I agree with @LillithsFamiliar.

Tessabelle74 · 23/07/2019 19:22

Why on earth would a C of E school say God doesnt allow divorce? My husband is divorced and we married in a C of E church! Why don't you actually ASK what the "wedding" entails rather than assuming ridiculous scenarios?

SongforSal · 23/07/2019 19:33

This happened for both my DC's. I refused to let either attend for a multitude of reasons.

picklemepopcorn · 23/07/2019 19:36

I was an RE coordinator. They don't go to church to learn about weddings, they go to learn about churches. They meet the vicar, get a tour and play I spy with various churchy features like stained windows etc. They can act out a wedding, christen a baby doll and see what goes on in churches given that many have never been in one.

When they go to a mosque or gudwara, I'd imagine similar things happen.

Not very sinister at all.

manicmij · 23/07/2019 19:36

Obey! That word was taken out of wedding services years ago. You are over reacting. The whole thing will be about the procedures and the reasoning for a marriage no matter what sex or religion. Of course a few children will be selected for staring roles but that happens in loads of school events. It's life!

pamperramper · 23/07/2019 19:43

Our school did this. Very multicultural school. Typically it was the pretty fair haired white children who were chosen.

Darkcloudsandsunnydays · 23/07/2019 19:44

Next term. The divorce party.

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