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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be disappointed with husband's behaviour at our wedding?

142 replies

ivechangedmynameok · 21/07/2019 19:46

We got married a few weeks ago, it was as small as it could be and quite untraditional. Registry office then a buffet in a pub, we arrived at the ceremony together, no giving away, my dress was knee length and only £50 etc... you get the picture. A budget wedding.

However there are some things that made me a bit Confused and they were all due to my now husband.

He refused to take his sunglasses off in the wedding photos. It was a sunny day and he said his eyes were hurting, so now all our pics together except the ceremony are of him wearing sunglasses

I drove us to the pub, and in the car he got changed out of his wedding suit... into shorts and a t shirt. He said he hated wearing a suit and feels too hot. He was therefore the most underdressed in our party

He refused to cut the cake with me or eat any of it, he said the tradition is cheesy

As it was very informal, everyone went home at about 5pm. When we got to our house he went straight on the computer to talk to people on Facebook messenger /sell and buy various things on eBay. We did nothing romantic at all that evening, I couldn't have sex anyway because I was on my period but it felt like such an anticlimax. We didn't even sleep in the same bed on our wedding night Shock he left to go on the spare room as he said it was too hot in our bedroom and he couldn't sleep with me tossing and turning.

I see pictures of other people's weddings on Facebook and think mine is such a let down in comparison. Please someone tell me not everyone has a fairytale wedding day and mine isn't that bad???

OP posts:
Stayawayfromitsmouth · 21/07/2019 19:49
Shock Wow. Have you spoken to him about it. He sounds totally checked out. Did he even want to get married? Not a great start. Flowers
Original poster
ivechangedmynameok · 21/07/2019 19:50

I have spoken to him, but he thinks he's done nothing wrong. He said his eyes were hurting, he was uncomfortable in his suit etc etc...

OP posts:
apacketofcrisps · 21/07/2019 19:52

Did he want to get married at all?!

Cambionome · 21/07/2019 19:55

Is he always like that?

EskewedBeef · 21/07/2019 19:55

It does seem like he was very thoughtless, and made very little effort to enjoy the day.

What had you wanted to do in the evening? Going home at tea time does sort of put a dampener on the festivities.

Did you go on honeymoon at all?

SootySueandSweeptoo · 21/07/2019 19:56

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Original poster
ivechangedmynameok · 21/07/2019 19:59

I was hoping we could at least spend time together doing something nice in the evening, but he spent it on his computer, messaging etc and playing games on his xbox Confused no we haven't had a honeymoon yet

OP posts:
F2Feee · 21/07/2019 19:59

Did he even want to get married?

LaurieFairyCake · 21/07/2019 20:01

If you haven't shagged can you get it annulled?

Not actually kidding...

Original poster
ivechangedmynameok · 21/07/2019 20:01

He says we wanted to marry me but wasn't fussed about the actual 'wedding', we were at the pub for less than 4 hours but he said that was too long, he wanted to leave after 2. He does have an obsession with getting home as soon as possible, wherever we go he's anxious to get home

OP posts:
Original poster
ivechangedmynameok · 21/07/2019 20:02

We have had sex since , just not on the wedding night

OP posts:
LordRudolphVII · 21/07/2019 20:04

Maybe he just sees the wedding as a formality, although I agree it does seem a bit lackadaisical.

Rtmhwales · 21/07/2019 20:04

Are you doing something special later?

My XH and I got married in the registry office on a Thursday morning with his parents in attendance at 10am.. and then I got changed and went to work at 2pm. Work was baffled. His parents were baffled. XH didn't much care.

But we had big plans to stay the next night in a hotel and spend quality time together and we were off to America the next week for a two week holiday and could celebrate then. The ceremony itself was just a quick legal thing to me and didn't really need to be celebrated. Maybe he felt the same because it wasn't very traditional?

FWIW I definitely meant no harm to my ex but I often wonder if he was hurt too.

OhioOhioOhio · 21/07/2019 20:05

Why are you with him?

SuzieQ10 · 21/07/2019 20:08

Doesn't sound as though he was very excited to have married you Confused. How upsetting.
Is he always so disengaged / uninterested in the relationship?

AllSweetnessAndLight · 21/07/2019 20:09

That's very weird. Confused How long have you been together? not that ot matters because he is a dick Does he have an addiction of some kind? - gaming or gambling. It is very shit that he wouldn't even make an effort for one day. I'd be upset too if it happened to me. Sad Flowers

cheesydoesit · 21/07/2019 20:10

YANBU to felt underwhelmed. It sounds like a very functional wedding performed as a means to an end.

hadthesnip2 · 21/07/2019 20:11

Unless you didnt live together & were virgins when you got married j can't really see what the problem was regarding your wedding night. You've had sex before with him so its not as if it was something special.

However, totally disiengaging with the ceremony & going to Facebook afterwards is a bit shitty.....but why didnt you say anything to him at the time...??

However (2) it seems you both didnt really want all the pomp of a proper wedding so him changing out of his suit probably was him just following your "dumbing down" of it all. Again, the time to say something was then......and if it bothered you so much then be firmer about it. Seems like what he wants goes. Marriage is a partnership.....& best start off the way you want it to be.

Finally.....you seem to have a picture of a perfect wedding. Dont torture yourself about what others have done. Social media is a false reality. People only post the good stuff. Opposite to on here where its mostly bad stuff.

Biscusting · 21/07/2019 20:11

How long have you been together before getting married?

When we got married it was all big romantic gestures and travelling. We’re 15 years in now and I think if we were to do it again now, it would be much like you described in your OP. Except I would have put my pjs on and grazed at the buffet.

Nothing wrong with having a relaxed day, but if you’re not happy have you actually said anything to him?

Original poster
ivechangedmynameok · 21/07/2019 20:11

We've been together over 9 years. I think he has an addiction to his computer/eBay and possibly gaming

OP posts:
NCforthis2019 · 21/07/2019 20:11

Wtf? That’s very strange - are you sure he wanted to get married? Start and you mean to go and all that..... imagine 5-10 years down the line...... yikes.

hadthesnip2 · 21/07/2019 20:13

Ps. You have an arse of a husband....but you probably knew that before you married him. I doubt whether going on Facebook & ignoring you was the first time he's done it.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 21/07/2019 20:13

What did you want him to do OP. I get it was a budget but it sounds just like an average day out with your mates apart

saavi · 21/07/2019 20:14

I couldn't have sex anyway because I was on my period

Your DH is a twat, you need to establish some standards fast.

HouseworkAvoider10 · 21/07/2019 20:15

Sorry dude, sounds like you've gone and married a total toolbag.
I'd be going for an annulment.

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