Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed with husband's behaviour at our wedding?

142 replies

ivechangedmynameok · 21/07/2019 19:46

We got married a few weeks ago, it was as small as it could be and quite untraditional. Registry office then a buffet in a pub, we arrived at the ceremony together, no giving away, my dress was knee length and only £50 etc... you get the picture. A budget wedding.

However there are some things that made me a bit Confused and they were all due to my now husband.

He refused to take his sunglasses off in the wedding photos. It was a sunny day and he said his eyes were hurting, so now all our pics together except the ceremony are of him wearing sunglasses

I drove us to the pub, and in the car he got changed out of his wedding suit... into shorts and a t shirt. He said he hated wearing a suit and feels too hot. He was therefore the most underdressed in our party

He refused to cut the cake with me or eat any of it, he said the tradition is cheesy

As it was very informal, everyone went home at about 5pm. When we got to our house he went straight on the computer to talk to people on Facebook messenger /sell and buy various things on eBay. We did nothing romantic at all that evening, I couldn't have sex anyway because I was on my period but it felt like such an anticlimax. We didn't even sleep in the same bed on our wedding night Shock he left to go on the spare room as he said it was too hot in our bedroom and he couldn't sleep with me tossing and turning.

I see pictures of other people's weddings on Facebook and think mine is such a let down in comparison. Please someone tell me not everyone has a fairytale wedding day and mine isn't that bad???

OP posts:
BlackSwan · 21/07/2019 20:39

It sounds like he wasn't really there. What a disappointing individual. Doesn't have the balls not to turn up at his wedding physically, but won't commit to being there either. Just don't fall pregnant.

damnson · 21/07/2019 20:42

As you don't have kids I'd be firing off, he has zero respect

SachaStark · 21/07/2019 20:43

I disagree @MmmBlowholes, his behaviour wasn’t informal, it was thoughtless and selfish.

DH and I had a very laidback, informal wedding, e.g. no photographer, pizza for the “wedding breakfast”, etc. But we made those decisions so that we could have fun and party with our friends and family, and spend lots of time together on the day. Even though it was very laidback, DH and I still managed to remain sensibly dressed for the occasion, and pay attention to one another. We also didn’t have sex on our wedding night (who tf does?!), but we still nicked the leftover pizzas and had a right laugh eating them in our apartment whilst trying to figure out how to get me out of the million buttons on my dress.

This guy just sounds like an overgrown spoilt child, and quite likely suffers from an addiction to his computer. Not a pleasant prospect for marriage.

In other circumstances, is he able to choose to put you first, OP? Is it that he’s not very sociable, and felt awkward/not able to behave on the day? Not saying these are excuses, rather explanations. Either way, I would be taking this as a massive indication for his inability to put you first in the future. I would be worried about having children with him, in the first instance, if that’s in your radar. Would he even be able to pay attention to you in hospital if he’s always so desperate to get back to his computer?

Bigearringsbigsmile · 21/07/2019 20:44

Hes still a teenager isn't he?
Hes so used to you, theres nothing special. Then youvevplanned a day that was nothing special either.
What keeps you with him? Is he your favourite person in the whole world? Do you look forward to seeing him at the end of the day? Does he represent home?

Coquohvan · 21/07/2019 20:44

What a selfish man child. His way or no way you don’t seem to have an input on what should have be a very special day for you.
Selfish uncaring twat.

Flupibass · 21/07/2019 20:47

It’s rather uncaring , totally unromantic and churlish of him. There’s no way I’d be with a partner who paid so little attention to my feelings. And he shouldn’t need to be told.

PennyPitStop19 · 21/07/2019 20:49

You deserved better however informal and I think this was s but cruel of him tbh.

PotolBabu · 21/07/2019 20:50

The wedding is not the issue. The issue is that he can’t stay out for more than 2 hours and found the 4 hour wedding too long. And I suspect it’s because as your update after that says he has a gaming and eBay addiction. So he is desperate to get back to his computer. I suspect the wedding day is the least of your worries moving forward.

iMatter · 21/07/2019 20:52

If I were you I'd be making sure I have enough money saved up to leave him because your marriage isn't going to last

TuesdaySunshine · 21/07/2019 20:53

I think if you have a very low-key, low-budget, non-traditional wedding, both parties are entitled to assume that the wedding day itself (as opposed to the marriage) isn't very important. If (as it now sounds) that wasn't the case for you, and you hoped it would be romantic and special despite the no-frills approach, I think the onus was probably on you to make sure he knew that and make it clear what you did expect.

NewYoiker · 21/07/2019 20:53

He sounds dreadful

DpWm · 21/07/2019 20:54

Did he wear shades inside?!

rainbowstardrops · 21/07/2019 20:57

He sounds awful. Why wouldn't you take your sunglasses off for just a couple of decent photos?
Also, going home and straight on his laptop or whatever?!
Nah. He sounds like a complete loser. Sorry.

EskewedBeef · 21/07/2019 20:59

Does he go out to work?

Original poster
ivechangedmynameok · 21/07/2019 20:59

Yes he has a full time job

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 21/07/2019 21:00

He sounds like a loser
Don't have another decade of his nonsense

RedTreehouse · 21/07/2019 21:00

I would be fine with all of that except for him ignoring you when you got home. It's his day too and you obviously agreed beforehand it would be low key. If you had been wearing a shirt, tie and jacket on a hot day and wanted to change into something more comfortable for the reception would you honestly have been ok with him asking you not to?

It would have been better to chat about both of your expectations first and you would have had time to find a compromise for everything that bugged you.

Chouxalacreme · 21/07/2019 21:01

Is he on the spectrum op ? I say this as some of those things may be sensory as well as perhaps rigid thinking , limited understanding of social etiquette . Worth considering ?

Cyberworrier · 21/07/2019 21:02

Nah I’m sorry but I completely disagree Tuesday. Low key, non trad weddings that I’ve been to have not been because the couple aren’t bothered/don’t consider it important! It’s a choice, some people like informal style more than frou-frou- or they feel like hypocrites having a church wedding when they’re actually heathens or just care about getting married so have a party about a love and without all the expense!
It is a GIVEN unless explicitly said otherwise that a wedding should be important and meaningful for the couple being married, and accordingly they should be respectful, loving and attentive to each other’s feelings. Crikey.

Senoritaforever · 21/07/2019 21:02

Did you not plan or at least discuss what you were going to do after the pub? Did you know he would want to go home?

picklemepopcorn · 21/07/2019 21:02

Is he a bit inflexible generally? Tends to stick to certain routines? Because you didn't have the usual signifiers of "this is a special occasion" he may not have realised he had gone too far. My DH is a little like this. He doesn't quite get that certain things are special and need special preparation unless it's pointed out with a big stick and a diagram,

Original poster
ivechangedmynameok · 21/07/2019 21:02

I think he could be on the spectrum, yes

OP posts:
AllSweetnessAndLight · 21/07/2019 21:03

Your wedding day is your wedding day. It shouldn't mean any less just because you've been together longer. Tbf the media and social media build these things up so much, a lot of people have a come down after the day is over. There was a survey done and it showed a high % of couples don't have sex on their wedding night. Some do but it's far from romantic. You missed the intimacy of being together not the sex.
Ok let it go for a minute and think about the positives of your day.
▪ exchanging your wedding vows
▪ how pretty you looked in your dress
▪ how handsome your DH looked in his suit
▪ having loved ones there with you
▪ kind and lovely wishes from guests
▪ first kiss as husband & wife
▪ the feeling of walking down the aisle together

I know you are disappointed and hurt. Try to find good memories so the bad ones don't taint your day. Tell your DH you want a special day together to put things right. Is he willing to get help for his addiction? You're young yet (late 20's), there's time to put it right before resentment sets in. Flowers

Wildorchidz · 21/07/2019 21:05

Please think very seriously about whether or not you want to stay with this man.
You can already see that he is addicted to his computer. That will never change. Read all the threads on Mumsnet about the man-children who are emotionally stunted and unable to participate in life as fully functional adults
Do not have a baby with him.

Bookworm4 · 21/07/2019 21:05

Oh here we go let’s armchair diagnose, how about MN stop excusing twatty behaviour by saying oh he’s on the spectrum, it’s MH.
It’s not as if he’s only been inconsiderate on your wedding day, you must have known he was rude and selfish before then but still married him.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.