Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed with husband's behaviour at our wedding?

142 replies

ivechangedmynameok · 21/07/2019 19:46

We got married a few weeks ago, it was as small as it could be and quite untraditional. Registry office then a buffet in a pub, we arrived at the ceremony together, no giving away, my dress was knee length and only £50 etc... you get the picture. A budget wedding.

However there are some things that made me a bit Confused and they were all due to my now husband.

He refused to take his sunglasses off in the wedding photos. It was a sunny day and he said his eyes were hurting, so now all our pics together except the ceremony are of him wearing sunglasses

I drove us to the pub, and in the car he got changed out of his wedding suit... into shorts and a t shirt. He said he hated wearing a suit and feels too hot. He was therefore the most underdressed in our party

He refused to cut the cake with me or eat any of it, he said the tradition is cheesy

As it was very informal, everyone went home at about 5pm. When we got to our house he went straight on the computer to talk to people on Facebook messenger /sell and buy various things on eBay. We did nothing romantic at all that evening, I couldn't have sex anyway because I was on my period but it felt like such an anticlimax. We didn't even sleep in the same bed on our wedding night Shock he left to go on the spare room as he said it was too hot in our bedroom and he couldn't sleep with me tossing and turning.

I see pictures of other people's weddings on Facebook and think mine is such a let down in comparison. Please someone tell me not everyone has a fairytale wedding day and mine isn't that bad???

OP posts:
F2Feee · 21/07/2019 20:16

Yanbu sorry that you had a horrible experience but I think after 9 years the magic of the day is well passed. Seems like he treated it as just another day.

skybluee · 21/07/2019 20:16

I wouldn't care about the sunglasses and the suit/t shirt and shorts bit but I WOULD care about what happened when you came home, it's your wedding day and he should be thrilled to spend it with you, even if you simply have a nice meal together then watch a film on the sofa.

Are you going to have a honeymoon?

Are you glad you got married/normally happy with him?

If you are, one day isn't important in the grand scheme of things but I can completely understand being upset and I'm sorry it didn't turn out how you wanted.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 21/07/2019 20:18

Posted too soon meant to say apart from the ceremony. It really just sounds like it was just a formality.

thecatsthecats · 21/07/2019 20:19

Posted too soon!

Did you talk about what you wanted to do after the wedding? Because it really was up to both of you to plan that - your wedding is for both of you to agree on and to enjoy, of course, but if you were equally responsible for the low key day, you were also equally responsible for sorting things to do after the day part.

NC4Now · 21/07/2019 20:19

If you’ve been together 9 years, what made you decide to get married now?

Benjispruce · 21/07/2019 20:19

Why did you marry him? It doesn't sound as though you like him or his ways unless he acted totally out of character on your wedding day.

Doyoumind · 21/07/2019 20:20

I'm not surprised you are disappointed. He doesn't seem to care about what matters to you.

EdWinchester · 21/07/2019 20:22

It sounds like he didn't want to get married.

Original poster
ivechangedmynameok · 21/07/2019 20:23

Re. If you’ve been together 9 years, what made you decide to get married now?

We're in our late 20s, and we wanted to buy a house before getting married.

OP posts:
SachaStark · 21/07/2019 20:23

To be fair to OP, I don’t see why a couple of posters are making a big deal out of 9 years together before marriage. DH and I were together for 9 years before marriage... I didn’t feel old enough to get married before then!

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 21/07/2019 20:25

The tradition of cutting the cake is a symbol of the wife's first task. The man joined in when Victorian icing got really thick. I wouldn't be too concerned about missing that out.

damnson · 21/07/2019 20:25

Aw love I'm sorry :( you must be gutted. Not about sex l, about intimacy, you only get one wedding night.

ColdCottage · 21/07/2019 20:25

Poor you. That does sound a bit rubbish.

Perhaps explain how you feel and ask for a nice romantic day and evening soon.

Cyberworrier · 21/07/2019 20:27

I’m sorry OP. Have you told him you found his actions hurtful? And if he says I was tired or whatever, say, yes, I hear you, but I am confused as to how you don’t understand that that would be disappointing/upsetting for me. Do you find it hard to communicate with him in general OP? I do feel for you. Was this a relationship starting from when you were very young and now you’re at thinking about babies age?

MmmBlowholes · 21/07/2019 20:28

You made your wedding completely informal and his behaviour matched it.

Yawninfinitum · 21/07/2019 20:30

Very hurtful

Regardless of how uncomfortable he found his suit, hot in the bed, bored of the photos etc he could have put that aside for a few hours to create a day of good memories for you if not himself.

He actually sounds very immature to me- I’d expect my teenager to keep his sunglasses on and moan about cake being silly.

Couldn’t you have had some indoor photos? And if he felt that strongly about cake why did he agree to buying one?

I’d be hurt if I was married to him too.
But something tells me that day wasn’t unusual behaviour from him and he is selfish a fair bit of the time am I right?

Original poster
ivechangedmynameok · 21/07/2019 20:31

I've told him how I feel but he doesn't really seem to think there's an issue. We have been together since our late teens but we are not yet ready for children due to careers and finances, so that's quite a long way off at the moment.

OP posts:
RageAgainstTheVendingMachine · 21/07/2019 20:32

Sunglasses would have bugged me if all I wanted/had asked for was ONE decent photo for the mantel I'm not marrying Bono
T-shirt/shorts would have bothered me if I was still in my dress, if I was changing too then not so much but I hate the heat too
Cutting the cake - meh, but it's such a small thing to do for someone if that's their preference
Unforgivable - not doing something with you after 5pm whether that would have been a meal later or netflix or a Wine
He's either a dud or lacks emotional intelligence unless you pretended it was all fine when it really wasn't.

formerbabe · 21/07/2019 20:33

It sounds really depressing.

Small, budget wedding....absolutely fine. But the other stuff is awful. Poor you

PooWillyBumBum · 21/07/2019 20:33

Is he usually like this? A massive man child? If so it sounds like a relationship problem, not a wedding problem. What does your relationship give you?

RageAgainstTheVendingMachine · 21/07/2019 20:34

But did you tell him how you felt on the day itself?
You shouldn't have had to but did you?

Original poster
ivechangedmynameok · 21/07/2019 20:36

Yes I did tell him on the day but didn't want to cause a scene in front of our guests

OP posts:
user1471449295 · 21/07/2019 20:37

I’d be very upset and feel completely unwanted if that was my husband. It doesn’t sound like he wanted to get married.

Cyberworrier · 21/07/2019 20:37

It’s not an issue for him, because it appears he doesn’t take your feelings seriously.
Also, having an informal wedding doesn’t mean act like you aren’t that bothered about getting married.
I echo Yawns question, is this normal behaviour/not out of the blue for him? You said you think he is addicted to his laptop, that must seriously affect how you interact?
How do you feel about being married to him now?

EmperorBallpitine · 21/07/2019 20:38

Oh wow, I don't think you are unreasonable. You would expect him to be excited and feeling like spending the evening with you on that special night. You need to tell him how hurtful it was!
We had been together for five years when we got married and lived together but it was a lovely night.... I feel sorry you couldn't even have a nice takeaway or something together. I'm not surprised you are dissatisfied

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.