To be disappointed with husband's behaviour at our wedding?

[ivechangedmynameok]

We got married a few weeks ago, it was as small as it could be and quite untraditional. Registry office then a buffet in a pub, we arrived at the ceremony together, no giving away, my dress was knee length and only £50 etc... you get the picture. A budget wedding.

However there are some things that made me a bit and they were all due to my now husband.

He refused to take his sunglasses off in the wedding photos. It was a sunny day and he said his eyes were hurting, so now all our pics together except the ceremony are of him wearing sunglasses

I drove us to the pub, and in the car he got changed out of his wedding suit... into shorts and a t shirt. He said he hated wearing a suit and feels too hot. He was therefore the most underdressed in our party

He refused to cut the cake with me or eat any of it, he said the tradition is cheesy

As it was very informal, everyone went home at about 5pm. When we got to our house he went straight on the computer to talk to people on Facebook messenger /sell and buy various things on eBay. We did nothing romantic at all that evening, I couldn't have sex anyway because I was on my period but it felt like such an anticlimax. We didn't even sleep in the same bed on our wedding night he left to go on the spare room as he said it was too hot in our bedroom and he couldn't sleep with me tossing and turning.

I see pictures of other people's weddings on Facebook and think mine is such a let down in comparison. Please someone tell me not everyone has a fairytale wedding day and mine isn't that bad???

Are you sure that's all he's doing on his computer? It seems like he was desperate to get home to that.

We had a tiny wedding with just his and my parents present and a meal and night at our favourite restaurant.
It was the marriage that mattered and I felt cherished that day.

PotolBabu

The wedding is not the issue. The issue is that he can’t stay out for more than 2 hours and found the 4 hour wedding too long. And I suspect it’s because as your update after that says he has a gaming and eBay addiction. So he is desperate to get back to his computer. I suspect the wedding day is the least of your worries moving forward.

^
This

OP, you are avoiding the most important questions. Fair enough if you are embarrassed and do not want to answer but think it through. If he has always been like that getting married will NOT change him.

It is easy for him to try to make you look like a bridezilla for simply wanting some decent photos but how about constantly gaming and being online? If there is no honeymoon planned he'd better AT LEAST behaved appropriately.

Only you know the answers of who he really is and how he normally behaves so see how it goes and do NOT have any children with him as he will ruin your life and career.

FuriousVexation
Did you ever consider not getting married or eloping with just the two of you and a couple of random witnesses if you found it all such an ordeal?

Can anyone tell me what an eBay addiction is like? I've never heard of that before. Do people think they can buy and sell their way into becoming rich?

Don't have babies with this man. He shows no indication that he will be able to step up to the mark and be a good husband and father. He has other priorities.

DH was a bit of a hoarder, he switched across into EBay buying and selling. He buys various bookies/dvds/CDs/audio books, occasionally reads/watches them and then resells them. It's a net neutral hobby- stuff doesn't build up on the shelves as much as before, and he usually gets a similar or slightly great price for them.
However, he spends hours on it. Hours and hours. He also takes it very seriously- at the back of his mind he's aware of when auctions are due to finish, who has paid and what needs to be posted when.
Not an addiction, quite, but almost.

What’s his job? If he home a lot with you and do you have a strong bond otherwise?

Hope you’re okay op

Oof this sounds pretty bad.
I wouldn't be happy living this life and I doubt he will change..

@Ilovemypantry
At that time of my life I had no idea that people could do (or be) things that their family didn't like.

It does sound like an anti climax but it is probably just a matter of expectations, he wanted to be married not have a wedding - to be honest this sums up many if not most men!

To me, it sounds like you wanted to be the cool chick and have this super low key wedding because it was the only way to get him down the aisle. Now, when he has been himself and shown you how much he values weddings, you are disappointed. Maybe you should have sought someone who shared your values and wanted the traditional special day with the pretty dress and fancy plates.

You wanted an average day out at the pub with mates and that's what you got.

Why did you marry him OP? You must have known what he's like, you've been together for 9 years, and nothing you've said about him, leads me to believe that this was out of character for him. I don't understand why you'd want to be married to someone who cares so little for you.

I read your OP out to my husband, and he said your husband sounds like a teenager. My husband would never behave like that, because he loves me, and he wants me to be happy (and vice versa). We also discuss things, and take each other's feelings into account. This doesn't seem to be happening in your relationship.

What do you want to do OP? Do you want to always live like this? I agree with PPs, don't have any children with this man, unless you're willing to take on all the childcare/parenting, on your own, with no support.

The only positive thing about him is that he completed the wedding after 9 years together

Please tell us what the other positive things are ?

Surely after 9 years with the bloke, you’d know about his behaviours?!

Surely after 9 years with the bloke, you’d know about his behaviours?!

This

It sounds like you hoped he would somehow be different and he wasn’t.

This is who he is, a wedding didn’t change him and a house and a child won’t either. Think very carefully about buying a house and or having a child with him.

Hopefully your lacklustre wedding and his indifference will be the kick up the backside you need to think about the person your with.

I've attended a similar wedding. The grooms disinterest in the day itself carried on into their married life and marriage was over within a couple of years.