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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL won't take my daughter to Legoland

252 replies

MissKatyKat · 20/07/2019 20:01

Okay I'm really annoyed about this so would appreciate thoughts from others.

My MIL is quite a young grandmother and has two friends with young children, similar age to my daughter who is nearly 11 months old, so they socialise together at a baby group. That's fine with me, I do other things with my daughter and it's nice that she has a good social life.
A few weeks ago MIL told me they were planning to go to Legoland and was it okay for her to take my daughter? I also have a new baby son so I have no problem with my daughter being taken on a day out that we can't really do ourselves with the baby just yet.

Anyway, my daughter has had some ongoing stomach problems for the past few months which had been dismissed as "just one of those things" until recently. She has now had a small procedure to correct things earlier this week and came out of hospital today. She is recovering well and has been really good about the whole thing, so I feel she deserves this day out more than ever. However, talking to MIL this morning, she just drops it into the conversation that she won't be taking my daughter to Legoland now (in 2 weeks time) because she doesn't think it's a good idea after the operation, although she is still going with her two friends and their children who are aged 18 months and 2 years. My daughter's stomach problem caused her to suffer badly with wind and sometimes get diarrhoea, which I appreciate isn't pleasant to deal with, but the procedure she has just had is meant to stop this from happening again, although because she's just had an operation her stomach will take a bit of time to settle, but not anywhere near as bad as it has been, and my MIL has looked after her many times when she's had one of these episodes.

So her argument now is:
"The other two children are walking so she'll have to be in her pushchair to keep up and I don't want to drag a pushchair all round Legoland".
And
"It's not really fair on the other two children if I bring a windy, smelly baby along who can't go on any of the rides".
But it was her SUGGESTION to take my daughter to Legoland (and there's plenty of rides she can go on), and her condition is now BETTER than it was when she made that suggestion.

So AIBU or is my MIL being totally ridiculous?

OP posts:
GibbonLover · 21/07/2019 00:23

I'd let the 'smelly' comment go. Diarrhoea smells. Wind often smells. In your daughters current condition, it is highly possible that things will get, well, smelly. It's not the worst word to describe such odours after all.

OpheliaTodd · 21/07/2019 00:24

I agree with your MIL. Taking an 11 month old to Legoland is nuts.

Original poster
MissKatyKat · 21/07/2019 00:47

@NevilleBennett that wasn't my complaint at all but I can't be bothered to explain the ins and outs of it again. I asked for opinions on this one incident, I got them and I have accepted that on this particular occasion my reaction was wrong.
@Witchend thank you for all of that information, that's really helpful :)
@Pomegranatemolasses thanks for that, maybe you'd like to meet my MIL sometime.
@Cutantrim haha thank you! :)
@Dieu thank you yes, she is recovering very well :)
@ellendegeneres haha thanks, I appreciate that! :)
@GibbonLover I was mainly hurt by that because MIL knows I worry about it and keep my daughter scrupulously clean because of it. But yes you're right there are worse words.

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 21/07/2019 00:48

Lego land with one so very young, no way, and especially a child who has had some problems with health.no way. A few years ahead,will be the time for children and Lego land, if that is the kind of day out that you like.!

ittakes2 · 21/07/2019 00:51

An 11 month old is a lot younger than the ages of the other children and has no idea what Legoland is! Yabu

PatricksRum · 21/07/2019 04:38

2 kids under 1 gosh

and there's plenty of rides she can go on

Oh, aye, which ones?

won't admit it was a pretty unsuitable suggestion to begin with

Why does she need to? Confused As the mother you should have told her it wasn't suitable.

stopping my daughter from having a day out with her friends

She's 11 months fgs

I can't imagine letting my ill child be away from me for half an hour let alone a day in a theme park.

On the whole, YABVU which you've accepted. As a side note, you should be very grateful that MIL takes 11 month old at all and that you have the possibility to do so.

Durgasarrow · 21/07/2019 04:41

You're annoyed because your mother in law doesn't want to take a baby with potential diarrhea issues to a theme park right after she had an operation? Hahahaha YABU

Namechangedonceagain · 21/07/2019 04:58

Is the age correct or a typo? It's it's correct, YABU! Why on earth would an 11 month old need to go to Legoland? What a crazy idea! Your MIL was BU for suggesting it and you are BU for getting all annoyed and acting like your daughter will be missing out!

Also I think YABU for getting annoyed with you MIL for not wanting to take your daughter somewhere. She doesn't HAVE to, and I agree that I wouldn't be happy to take a baby out to a place far away when they'd just got out of hospital having had an op and may still be suffering stomach upset? That seems really silly too. Surely she needs some time to rest and recover and wait for her stomach to settle. At 11 months old, it's not like she was really excited about the day out and will be disappointed!

cheeseorchickentwisties · 21/07/2019 05:16

Why are people being dicks to the op when she's clearly accepted being unreasonable and hasn't been rude to anyone?
She has a newborn and a young baby post op. Give her a break. She's even said there are issues with her mil outside of this but hasn't been goaded into drip feeding which some posters are desperate for, so then they can shout NICE DRIP FEED.

mathanxiety · 21/07/2019 06:00

I can't believe you ever seriously considered sending your baby off to Legoland within two and a half weeks of an operation.

You should have been the one to tell MIL the trip was out of the question.

myself2020 · 21/07/2019 06:15

Legoland with an 11 month old sounds like pure hell for both the 11 month old and the person taking them! not to mention the possibility of having to deal with the side effects of stomach issues.
Your mum has seen sense, the suggestion of taking an 11 month old was pretty brave (or bonkers)

MyOtherProfile · 21/07/2019 06:21

Kind of weird - I'm sure the 18 month old and the 2 year old won't be walking all the way round all day unless they're the spawn of superman but personally I wouldn't be taking any children of those ages to Legoland when a soft play would be cheaper and more age appropriate.

Icecreamsoda99 · 21/07/2019 07:33

Can you not just accept your MIL is a complex individual who is not perfect and allowed to change her mind? No harm physically or mentally been done to your daughter. You have already admitted she doesn't let you down with childcare, sounds like she is doing the best for her abilities. It is nice that MIL has friends at baby group, it will help you DD socialise more with the adults and attached children.

OKBobble · 21/07/2019 07:56

I suspect when the trip first came up MIL thought that would be nice for GD butbwhen she thought about it further realised the reality was that it wouldn't. People including MIL are allowed to change their minds. As a Pp said as mum you should have realised it wasn't really a suitable trip and certainly not 2 weeks after an op.

Sagradafamiliar · 21/07/2019 08:12

Savage. OP you've handled it like a trooper, good for you Thanks hope your DD is recovering well from her op.

NannaNoodleman · 21/07/2019 08:31

Two children under one year and one of the babies has been poorly and had an operation... cut the woman some slack... she's probably knackered and hormones are still squiffy!

She probably feels a bit like her baby has been rejected and is too nackered to feel reasonable about it.

Remoteisland · 21/07/2019 09:16

‘Why are people being dicks to the op when she's clearly accepted being unreasonable and hasn't been rude to anyone?
She has a newborn and a young baby post op. Give her a break. She's even said there are issues with her mil outside of this but hasn't been goaded into drip feeding which some posters are desperate for, so then they can shout NICE DRIP FEED.’

^^All of this.

SandyY2K · 21/07/2019 10:07

If you thought 8t was a bad idea, why did you agree to it in the first place?

Legoland is a waste of time for a baby and an 11 month old won't be walking more than a few steps independently.

YABU

Your MIL steps up and is helpful according to you, so I don't see why you're making it an issue, especially when you didn't think it was a good idea to begin with.

likeafishneedsabike · 21/07/2019 10:12

Why on earth would anyone take a post op, non-walking baby to Legoland?
If you’re struggling with two babies (understandable) then ask your MIL if she’ll have the older baby one day at hers.
MIL sounds absolutely amazing BTW. You are very lucky to have her.

RandomNameChange415 · 21/07/2019 10:22

We took the DC to Legoland when they were 2.5 years and 9 months respectively. Both had a lovely time looking at things, watching shows playing in the fountains and playground and going on loads of rides. Obviously the little one was just looking at shiny things and going Wheee!!!! and would have had an equally good time at our local playground. But I think that the people saying “why take an under 3 to Legoland?” are over-focussed on the big rides, which are less than half the park.

But a) we had a double buggy - madness without one and b) we went on a weekday in term time, madness otherwise.

GrassIsntGreener · 21/07/2019 10:29

At 11 months I wouldn't have wanted my children taken to a theme park! It's crowded, likely hot if it's summer and just totally pointless! Also I'd be careful too after surgery, so I think it's most sensible that she doesn't go and therefore I'm very much with your mother in law.

Pinktinker · 21/07/2019 10:29

YABU.

I remember your thread on the pregnancy board. She isn’t really your MIL. You had an unplanned pregnancy with her son, didn’t tell him until quite far into the pregnancy because you were separated and have since decided to have another baby a few months after the first.

She’s your boyfriend’s Mum really. I know I sound harsh, it’s just you’ve posted as though you’re married and this has been your MIL for years.

She has every right to say no to taking an 11 month old who has just had a minor operation along. For starters an 11 month old would not enjoy LegoLand, they’d have no idea what was going on. Secondly, your DD will most likely still be healing. I’d let this drop.

GrassIsntGreener · 21/07/2019 10:29

You need to find a way to let this go, op.

Idontwanttotalk · 21/07/2019 10:32

YABU. Whether your MIL suggested it or not, your daughter is too young for Legoland. She doesn't need to be anywhere except near to home to recover from her surgery.

Lemonlady22 · 21/07/2019 10:38

shes too young....even for the young children area ...and its a lot of walking too...a bit hilly for my liking...leave it until next year