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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL won't take my daughter to Legoland

252 replies

MissKatyKat · 20/07/2019 20:01

Okay I'm really annoyed about this so would appreciate thoughts from others.

My MIL is quite a young grandmother and has two friends with young children, similar age to my daughter who is nearly 11 months old, so they socialise together at a baby group. That's fine with me, I do other things with my daughter and it's nice that she has a good social life.
A few weeks ago MIL told me they were planning to go to Legoland and was it okay for her to take my daughter? I also have a new baby son so I have no problem with my daughter being taken on a day out that we can't really do ourselves with the baby just yet.

Anyway, my daughter has had some ongoing stomach problems for the past few months which had been dismissed as "just one of those things" until recently. She has now had a small procedure to correct things earlier this week and came out of hospital today. She is recovering well and has been really good about the whole thing, so I feel she deserves this day out more than ever. However, talking to MIL this morning, she just drops it into the conversation that she won't be taking my daughter to Legoland now (in 2 weeks time) because she doesn't think it's a good idea after the operation, although she is still going with her two friends and their children who are aged 18 months and 2 years. My daughter's stomach problem caused her to suffer badly with wind and sometimes get diarrhoea, which I appreciate isn't pleasant to deal with, but the procedure she has just had is meant to stop this from happening again, although because she's just had an operation her stomach will take a bit of time to settle, but not anywhere near as bad as it has been, and my MIL has looked after her many times when she's had one of these episodes.

So her argument now is:
"The other two children are walking so she'll have to be in her pushchair to keep up and I don't want to drag a pushchair all round Legoland".
And
"It's not really fair on the other two children if I bring a windy, smelly baby along who can't go on any of the rides".
But it was her SUGGESTION to take my daughter to Legoland (and there's plenty of rides she can go on), and her condition is now BETTER than it was when she made that suggestion.

So AIBU or is my MIL being totally ridiculous?

OP posts:
theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 20/07/2019 21:34

Wow, your dd is 10 months and you have a newborn ds? Sounds like a handful.

Yabu op. Legoland totally unsuitable for your dd, and your mil is allowed to change her mind. Keep your dd with you to recover, and let mil take her to legoland when your dd is a few years older and will be able to enjoy it.

Original poster
MissKatyKat · 20/07/2019 21:34

@Mayborn thank you, I probably should! :)
@Rainycloudyday I called them friends purely because she loves mixing with other kids, it's definitely when she's at her most happy that's all. I fully accept that in this case there is no real issue, my reaction was wrong, purely based on the fact that I am used to this sort of behaviour from my MIL, but that's a whole different matter and not one that I can be bothered to go into. I accept that based on this situation alone, I need to let it go.
@twistyturnycurlywhirly with respect, you don't know my MIL, I assure you not one person in our family would ever say poor MIL :)

OP posts:
Original poster
MissKatyKat · 20/07/2019 21:37

@Seaweed42 thank you :) And yes, that is partly how I and my partner feel at times, but I don't think it's worth saying that to her and obviously we are very grateful that she does take time to spend with our daughter.

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 20/07/2019 21:37

I appreciate there are other things going on but you need to move on from ‘mil changing her mind is what upset me’. When normal people realise they’ve made a stupid decision they change their minds.

Ginseng1 · 20/07/2019 21:44

Yabu ridiculous place to bring an 11 mth old even if not post op. Dragging her round in a buggy trying find places to change her etc your mil was prob excited at the idea of bringing her gd to legoland but realised afterwards it wasn't a good idea. I'd be very relieved (tho I'd never have said yes in first place,!)

NoSauce · 20/07/2019 21:46

Hang on, is MIL like this usually or not.

NoBaggyPants · 20/07/2019 21:48

NoSauce It seems MIL has become more like this the more that people have told the OP she is unreasonable. We've still had no examples of this apparent behaviour though...

BrieAndChilli · 20/07/2019 21:51

We had a trip to legoland planned when DS1 was 8, a month before he had a burst appendix, even though he was relatively recovered 4 weeks later and was a few days off being allowed back to school we cancelled the trip as the risk of the rides putting pressure on his stomach was too great. I imagine if you daughter has just had an op she will still be tender even if she is relatively ok externally. What risk more injury for an 11 month old who will be able to go on about 3 rides??

FattyPedalsFuriously0hPipNo · 20/07/2019 21:52

YABU, as everyone else has already said she is too young for Legoland

Original poster
MissKatyKat · 20/07/2019 21:53

@NoSauce not specifically with child care but yes she is like this generally.
@NoBaggyPants you don't have to believe me if you don't want to :) Equally I'm not getting into the ins and outs of the issues with my MIL. I have however admitted that my reaction to this situation on its own was wrong.

OP posts:
BackInTime · 20/07/2019 21:53

I think you should be relieved and grateful that she has the good sense to realise that your DD is too young for this day out. Legoland in August is hell - busy, hot, lots of queues and lots of wasps!

RedSkyLastNight · 20/07/2019 21:55

I think MIL and friends are all BU for taking preo school children to Legoland in the middle of the school summer holidays!

Much better to postpone the whole thing and have a nice day out at local country park (with mil taking OP's baby)

TheFairyCaravan · 20/07/2019 22:01

Legoland is absolute hell on Earth in tne Summer holidays. I wouldn't take my own baby there', if I had one, never mind someone else's especially if they'd just had surgery. Why would you want her to be stuck in a car seat or pushchair all day?

NoSauce · 20/07/2019 22:06

@NoSauce not specifically with child care but yes she is like this generally

Sorry how do you mean, generally? Changing her mind? Letting you down? Or something else?

llangennith · 20/07/2019 22:08

Sounds like you were looking forward to her taking your DD out for the day to give you a break and that's quite understandable. But YABU about it all.

SagAloojah · 20/07/2019 22:09

My issue isn't about my daughter being upset or anything, it's the fact my MIL has pulled out and won't admit it was a pretty unsuitable suggestion to begin with.

But this issue wasn't even in your OP?

I really think you're more annoyed about the 'windy, smelly baby' comment but I don't think you should take it to heart. It's obvious MIL loves your baby, as she's still spending with her and presumably changing the diarrhoea nappes. All is good here.

saraclara · 20/07/2019 22:10

If you plan to do something which you later realise is unwise, changing your mind is a GOOD thing to do. It would be ridiculous to continue with a plan that the baby won't enjoy, because you're too stubborn/embarrassed to back down. That's selfish and unfair.

stucknoue · 20/07/2019 22:13

They are all too young to be walking around a theme park. We used a stroller when my youngest was 6 (handy for bags!)

Wolfiefan · 20/07/2019 22:14

You have issues with her? So don’t agree to trips you think are unsuitable and then moan when she agrees with you. I can’t see the issue here. No child that young (and so recently out of surgery) should be at legoland for the day. Confused

jay55 · 20/07/2019 22:14

I don't know why anyone would take kids not in school to legoland in the summer holidays.

Beaverdam · 20/07/2019 22:19

Sounds to me like you wanted yoir daughter off your hands for the day. I totally understand if you need to have a break, especially with a new baby to look after but your mil is well within her rights to change her mind.

nicenewdusters · 20/07/2019 22:20

Legoland is the Seventh Circle of Hell. The only possible reason for going when you're 11 months old is that you won't even realise you're there.

BeanBag7 · 20/07/2019 22:20

Do the friend have kids of school age? If not I would really suggest they should wait until September to go as it will be hellish in the holidays. Perhaps by then your DD will be recovered from her operation and able to go, although MIL still might not want to go which is fair enough.

The other friends are very naive to not take a buggy for an 18 month old. Yes its. Pain to push round but less so than carrying a tired 18mo up all these hills and no child that she could stand walking around legoland all day..

Do you live locally or will she also have to factor in travelling?

mollpop · 20/07/2019 22:23

YABU. it was a daft suggestion to take an 11 month old to Legoland, but at least she's come to her senses and pulled out. Saying that she deserves a day out is a bit bonkers. She is far too young

pelirocco123 · 20/07/2019 22:30

My MIL is quite a young grandmother and has two friends with young children, similar age to my daughter who is nearly 11 months old, so they socialise together at a baby group. That's fine with me, I do other things with my daughter and it's nice that she has a good social life.

So glad that's fine with you OP!!!