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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL won't take my daughter to Legoland

252 replies

MissKatyKat · 20/07/2019 20:01

Okay I'm really annoyed about this so would appreciate thoughts from others.

My MIL is quite a young grandmother and has two friends with young children, similar age to my daughter who is nearly 11 months old, so they socialise together at a baby group. That's fine with me, I do other things with my daughter and it's nice that she has a good social life.
A few weeks ago MIL told me they were planning to go to Legoland and was it okay for her to take my daughter? I also have a new baby son so I have no problem with my daughter being taken on a day out that we can't really do ourselves with the baby just yet.

Anyway, my daughter has had some ongoing stomach problems for the past few months which had been dismissed as "just one of those things" until recently. She has now had a small procedure to correct things earlier this week and came out of hospital today. She is recovering well and has been really good about the whole thing, so I feel she deserves this day out more than ever. However, talking to MIL this morning, she just drops it into the conversation that she won't be taking my daughter to Legoland now (in 2 weeks time) because she doesn't think it's a good idea after the operation, although she is still going with her two friends and their children who are aged 18 months and 2 years. My daughter's stomach problem caused her to suffer badly with wind and sometimes get diarrhoea, which I appreciate isn't pleasant to deal with, but the procedure she has just had is meant to stop this from happening again, although because she's just had an operation her stomach will take a bit of time to settle, but not anywhere near as bad as it has been, and my MIL has looked after her many times when she's had one of these episodes.

So her argument now is:
"The other two children are walking so she'll have to be in her pushchair to keep up and I don't want to drag a pushchair all round Legoland".
And
"It's not really fair on the other two children if I bring a windy, smelly baby along who can't go on any of the rides".
But it was her SUGGESTION to take my daughter to Legoland (and there's plenty of rides she can go on), and her condition is now BETTER than it was when she made that suggestion.

So AIBU or is my MIL being totally ridiculous?

OP posts:
MhysaMhysa · 21/07/2019 10:48

If this was me I think I'd have assumed the trip was cancelled or have cancelled it myself. I can't imagine letting my DC go anywhere 2weeks after an operation, I'd be too worried something would happen and I wasn't anywhere near. And I wouldn't want to be responsible for a DC post op either tbh.

LoafofSellotape · 21/07/2019 10:52

My issue isn't about my daughter being upset or anything, it's the fact my MIL has pulled out and won't admit it was a pretty unsuitable suggestion to begin with why does she have to admit anything? Confused of its unsuitable you won't be fussed at her not going then, will you?

LoafofSellotape · 21/07/2019 10:53

**if

TheDarkPassenger · 21/07/2019 10:56

Wasp land is no place for anyone under 5

Wasp land is no place for anyone 👀

Original poster
MissKatyKat · 21/07/2019 11:11

@cheeseorchickentwisties @Sagradafamiliar @NannaNoodleman and @Remoteisland thank you! I'm not sure what else I can do or say here really!
I have now said, several times, that yes, having read and taken on board your replies, I can see that I am in the wrong to be annoyed on this one, I accept that. Yes, there are other issues with my MIL, which I was aware may be clouding my judgement on this one, which is why I posted here, explaining it as an entirely isolated issue, so that I could get honest opinions on whether this situation alone was unreasonable. It wasn't, I happily accept that and will not be making a big deal out of it with my MIL. I know I have since mentioned that there are other issues with her, but I felt I had to defend myself in some way because, naively, I wasn't expecting quite so many personal comments, but all this seems to have done is paint me further as the bad person. My intention was purely to explain why I might have been overreacting in this instance. I hold my hands up to the fact that yes, I should have told her it wasn't a suitable idea right from the start, I have no excuses on that one, just that we all make mistakes. Thank you to those who gave an honest opinion and/or constructive criticism. And to those still saying I need to let it go, I have and have admitted I was wrong quite a while ago so I assume you haven't RTFT.
@PatricksRum thanks for all that, I have already said how grateful I am when I do receive help from her. At 11 months, I think my daughter can cope with being away from me for more than half an hour, that's clearly not how you do things but we're all different and I don't see a problem with either way of doing things.
@Durgasarrow hahaha you haven't RTFT have you?
@likeafishneedsabike she can walk quite well, although yes obviously not enough to walk around Legoland all day. Yes, I am lucky to have MIL, I am always very grateful for the help she gives with the children, it's just a shame about other things.
@Pinktinker thanks for sharing my back story in a judgemental tone, I'm sure you're very pleased with yourself on that one :) I didn't keep the pregnancy from him because we were separated, I kept it from him because he had said he wanted nothing to do with it and that I should have an abortion. It's in the past now and we have worked through it like adults and come out the other side, so I'm not sure why you think any of this is relevant, except obviously to further paint me in a bad light. And yes, we did decide to have another baby, as in we talked it through for several weeks, weighing up all our options. Again, I'm not sure why you felt that was relevant. And okay, I can call her my boyfriend's mum if you want, but I'm sure someone picky would tell me she's basically my MIL, and as she's been in my life for 8 years, I'm in a relationship with her son, and she's the grandmother of my two children, I feel it's reasonable to call her my MIL. And, as I mentioned further up in this post, I have let this drop, some time ago.

OP posts:
NoSauce · 21/07/2019 11:19

How has she been in your life for 8 years when you’re only 18/19? Is she a family friend or something? Tbh it doesn’t matter that you refer to her as your MIL, she’s the grandmother of your children and the mother of your partner.

Deadposhtory · 21/07/2019 11:23

Just been to Legoland and to be honest I wouldn't take a sick baby. Sorry op yabu

Original poster
MissKatyKat · 21/07/2019 11:25

@NoSauce I've known my partner since I was 11. But this is all now completely irrelevant to what my original post was about.

OP posts:
SheldonSaysSo · 21/07/2019 11:26

I had to reread this a few times to make sure I had her age right! There isn't much for an 11 month old to do there, its more for children age 3 -11 years really. Add to that there may still be more nappy changes (and possibly clothes) than normal then you can hardly blame MIL for changing her mind

Sagradafamiliar · 21/07/2019 11:28

Feel better about yourself now you've got that off your chest, pink? Dick move. Over invested dick move.

m00rfarm · 21/07/2019 11:30

Sorry but I think you are nuts worrying about this. Of course it is ridiculous to take her - she is a baby not a child. She will not be able to do anything and be stuck outside all day with pretty much nothing to do. And just had an op. Even w ithout this, I would not be taking a baby to legoland unless I HAD to because I had older children going.

MissClareRemembers · 21/07/2019 11:31

@MissKatyKat you do seem to be getting some very harsh replies here! That Legoland isn’t a great place for a baby is neither here nor there. It’s not the issue. It’s all gone a bit “cancel the cheque”!

Can I ask, are you so cross about this situation (which as you realise, and I mean this kindly, is a bit of a mountain out of a molehill) because you are concerned that this will be how things will continue? That MIL won’t have a committed relationship with your DCs?

Isatis · 21/07/2019 11:32

Sounds to me as if the idea was daft from the start. Your MiL can't seriously have expected an 11 month old to be able to walk around Legoland all day, so would have had to take the pushchair anyway, and as you say if she hadn't had this operation she would have had stomach problems all day. Sounds like your MiL suddenly woke up to reality and regretted the invitation. I hope she'll think about offering something more practical another time for your DD.

Original poster
MissKatyKat · 21/07/2019 11:41

@MissClareRemembers thank you for your reply. Yes, that is a concern for me now, purely because this is the sort of thing that she does with other members of the family, so I'm just really hoping this isn't the beginning of her having that kind of relationship with my daughter.
@Isatis yes I agree it was all daft from the start and we were both in the wrong on that one. I would just like to say though, and I may have worded this badly myself, but without the operation she wouldn't necessarily have had problems throughout the day, she can go days being absolutely fine, it's all been very hit or miss, but we've had to just take the risk otherwise we would never take her out anywhere.

OP posts:
loveluster · 21/07/2019 11:48

Yabu. She's 11 months. Be realistic, have you researched the rides and attractions available there for a baby, because that's basically what she still is. It's a Very pointless day out for her in that sense. Wait til she's older and can enjoy it.

NoSauce · 21/07/2019 11:53

This thread is odd. It feels like you’ve expected us to be mind readers to how your MIL behaves without really explaining what she does that annoys you.

Just let it go. I’m sure you have lots to do with two babies to look after rather than keep saying the same thing over and over to strangers on the internet.

I’m surprised you have the energy or the inclination.

MardyMavis · 21/07/2019 12:04

This is ridiculous...you should just say yes you are right as she is! 11 months old post op...not to mention out in the sun all day really?
I think this is just jealousy on your part as she has friends with young kids so you want to be involved in some way, no point mentioning the mother and baby group?!
Anyway let her go and have a nice day a baby who won't give 2 fucks either way will be a bloody burden for the day I actually don't even know why you think I'm any sense she is even one bit unreasonable.

Original poster
MissKatyKat · 21/07/2019 12:07

@NoSauce The eldest is asleep and I'm feeding the baby while I read, quite doable. I've explained fully, and I thought very clearly, exactly what the intention of this thread was, I'm surprised you're still not getting it, I don't really know what else to say. You seem to just want me to talk about the issues with my MIL which isn't what I came here to do I'm afraid.

OP posts:
Original poster
MissKatyKat · 21/07/2019 12:10

@MardyMavis I mentioned the baby group purely because that's who the trip was with. I'm not jealous, I have my own friends with young children that I socialise with, thanks for the judgement though.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 21/07/2019 12:12

I'm not sure I'd have rushed into having a second child so quickly, when he originally wanted you to terminate the first.

I'd have tried to ensure the relationship was on very firm ground, as 2 children that young are hard work at the best of times.

Good luck with everything.

MrsGaryLightbody · 21/07/2019 12:17

Honestly , at 11 months your child would not know the difference between Legoland and Ikea .

greeneyedlulu · 21/07/2019 12:18

Can't understand why anyone would waste money taking an 11 month old to Lego land in the first place.
This time I have to agree with your MIL, there will be other opportunities to take your dd out I'm sure

TeddybearBaby · 21/07/2019 12:19

Oh op I really feel for you repeating yourself over and over and all these comments from posters who haven’t read the thread 😫.

I get it...... she asked her to go, realised it was ridiculous and instead of saying ‘thinking about it that was a stupid idea. There’s no way either of us will enjoy it’ she’s insulted your daughter by calling her smelly, it’s like you asked her to take her and she was explaining why she couldn’t. It’s like the twilight zone!!

As for her going there alone with two friends and their grandchildren in the summer holidays, can’t get that at all! I wouldn’t even take my 10 and 12 year olds there in the holidays haha 💐

MoominKitty · 21/07/2019 12:19

Wow do people not read a full thread before posting? The OP has repeatedly said, Okay fair enough I'm being unreasonable here thanks for your input, is there any need to keep telling her how and why she's being unreasonable? I'd be a little peed off if my mum or MIL changed plans last min if they were the one to suggest it in the first place too in honesty regardless of the situation, or were using my child when it suited to make friends. OP I hope your little one recovers well ☺.

llangennith · 21/07/2019 12:35

OP are you only 19?