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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL won't take my daughter to Legoland

252 replies

MissKatyKat · 20/07/2019 20:01

Okay I'm really annoyed about this so would appreciate thoughts from others.

My MIL is quite a young grandmother and has two friends with young children, similar age to my daughter who is nearly 11 months old, so they socialise together at a baby group. That's fine with me, I do other things with my daughter and it's nice that she has a good social life.
A few weeks ago MIL told me they were planning to go to Legoland and was it okay for her to take my daughter? I also have a new baby son so I have no problem with my daughter being taken on a day out that we can't really do ourselves with the baby just yet.

Anyway, my daughter has had some ongoing stomach problems for the past few months which had been dismissed as "just one of those things" until recently. She has now had a small procedure to correct things earlier this week and came out of hospital today. She is recovering well and has been really good about the whole thing, so I feel she deserves this day out more than ever. However, talking to MIL this morning, she just drops it into the conversation that she won't be taking my daughter to Legoland now (in 2 weeks time) because she doesn't think it's a good idea after the operation, although she is still going with her two friends and their children who are aged 18 months and 2 years. My daughter's stomach problem caused her to suffer badly with wind and sometimes get diarrhoea, which I appreciate isn't pleasant to deal with, but the procedure she has just had is meant to stop this from happening again, although because she's just had an operation her stomach will take a bit of time to settle, but not anywhere near as bad as it has been, and my MIL has looked after her many times when she's had one of these episodes.

So her argument now is:
"The other two children are walking so she'll have to be in her pushchair to keep up and I don't want to drag a pushchair all round Legoland".
And
"It's not really fair on the other two children if I bring a windy, smelly baby along who can't go on any of the rides".
But it was her SUGGESTION to take my daughter to Legoland (and there's plenty of rides she can go on), and her condition is now BETTER than it was when she made that suggestion.

So AIBU or is my MIL being totally ridiculous?

OP posts:
Purplejay · 20/07/2019 22:34

Sounds like she has thought it through and realised it wasn’t a great idea.

11m is a bit young for Lego land. 11 m post op? I wouldn’t tbh. Yabu.

justasking111 · 20/07/2019 22:37

MIL`s friends are batty to think of taking their kids to legoland, it is not for little ones. Your MIL dodged a horrific day out there.

VivienneHolt · 20/07/2019 22:39

It was clearly a totally bonkers plan to take an 11 month old to legoland 2 weeks after surgery and tbh I’m surprised you were considering allowing it, so it doesn’t seem odd at all that your MIL realised it was a shocker of a plan and changed her mind.

Original poster
MissKatyKat · 20/07/2019 22:41

@NoSauce both of those things, changing her mind, letting people down, going back on something she's said and then blatantly lying about it. I know it probably sounds like I'm just tearing into her but it can be very difficult to live with and I'm not the only member of the family who has issues with her.
@mollpop I don't think it's daft to say she deserves a day out, yes she is too young really for Legoland, but she's happier going out to the park and exploring new things for example than she is sitting at home playing with familiar toys.
@pelirocco123 I meant it's fine with me that she takes my daughter out occasionally and it's nice that my daughter has a varied social life eg. with both me and her grandma. It wasn't meant to sound patronising towards my MIL if that's what you thought, I was just trying to make the situation clear so your comment did seem a bit unnecessary.
To those asking, no there are no older kids going so no I don't know why they are going in the summer holidays.

OP posts:
LadyGAgain · 20/07/2019 22:49

It's lovely to hear that your DD is going so well post op.
IMO Legoland is rubbish so everyone is saved from a bad day out! You've acknowledged that your DD is too young anyway (she is) so perhaps put it to rest. Sounds like MIL is a decent one who is hands on. Keep that and cherish it! And when both your kids are old enough, don't bother going here!! Grin

LadyGAgain · 20/07/2019 22:51

*doing so well

AnonymousMugwumpery · 20/07/2019 22:55

Sorry, have I misread? Your MIL is going to go to Legoland without a child just so she can hang out with her friends and their toddlers sans buggies? SIBU. In fact, she is insane. I cannot think of anything worse. I hope she has a cheap ticket.

The rest of it - meh. She has come to the right decision so thank goodness she did so before dragging your daughter there.

Wolfiefan · 20/07/2019 22:58

Changing her mind
Letting people down
Yet not a single example of what that means. Sounds like you’re just cross she isn’t doing exactly what you want when you want.

Tallgreenbottle · 20/07/2019 23:02

Is your son only a few days old OP?

NoSauce · 20/07/2019 23:04

So the issue isn’t really about this one thing then OP? Maybe try to address things when MIL lets you down or go back on her word?

firstimemamma · 20/07/2019 23:07

When your MIL made the initial offer, did she know that your daughter would've recently had an operation on the day of the trip?

RandomNameChange415 · 20/07/2019 23:11

Can I just say against the tide of the thread that IME Legoland is great for toddlers of age 18 months and over. There are loads of rides they can go on and things for them to see.

However only a masochist would take pre-schoolers there during the school holidays. And probably best for the OP’s DD to stay home for now.

Original poster
MissKatyKat · 20/07/2019 23:17

@AnonymousMugwumpery yes I think that's about the size of it.
@Wolfiefan I'm sorry but you couldn't be further off the mark if you tried. You are seeing one snippet of my life here, I don't really understand why you've decided that I'm annoyed I can't get what I want when I want when I've tried my very best to explain the situation. I don't need to be made out to be the bad guy just because I'm not prepared to go into details of my MIL's behaviour. If you're that determined to judge then you're more than welcome to come and spend a few weeks with her and see if you still feel the same about her then :)
@Tallgreenbottle he's a few weeks old.
@NoSauce yes I've said that overall I probably have overreacted to this situation and I can see why everyone thinks IABU because they're only seeing this one isolated incident. I admit that in this case alone, I am wrong, however, my post was to see what other's thought of this situation regardless of anything else that's going on with MIL. I have honest answers for what I wanted now and the rest is irrelevant. I have tried to address things with her before but I've just ended up making things worse.
@firstimemamma no, the operation happened very suddenly, so again, yes, I do accept that I'm in the wrong this time.

OP posts:
Doyoumind · 20/07/2019 23:20

OP, she will get her comeuppance anyway, lugging those two children around all day in the heat finding there's next to nothing suitable for toddlers and there are a million people queuing for everything.

helacells · 20/07/2019 23:21

Legoland is a load of crap anyway

JellyfishAndShells · 20/07/2019 23:22

This is such a bizarre thread. The child is too young to get anything out of it anyway and the MIL made the right judgement call in now thinking she doesn’t want to deal with a post operative child in these circumstances. Struggling to see what the OPs dilemma/complaint is about . .

NevilleBennett · 20/07/2019 23:32

You're being completely unreasonable. Your complaint is that she tried to be nice.

Witchend · 20/07/2019 23:33

I know Legoland quite well.
I've done it with various ages of children-ds had been twice by the time he was a fortnight old.

However, I would say that an 11month old won't enjoy the day, especially in August. What they'll be doing is in the buggy in long, hot, boring queues, to either stay in the buggy while the older ones go on (and you can leave the buggy at the side of some of the rides) or be pulled out of the buggy and held for a few minutes on a ride that, at best, they won't really care about, only to be put back in the buggy at the end.
There's often little shade in the queues and there's a lot of walking about between rides, often up/down hills.

By 18 months/2 years they do like the rides. They probably will only be able to go on the unrestricted rides (lowest restriction is 90cm), but they'll like those, and they're old enough to enjoy the shows, which are more spectacle than plot. Mine all loved Legoland by that age.
Tell her to take swimming costumes, sun hats, lots of suncream and food (you can fill water bottles). The best rides at that age are: Fairytale Boat and the Carousel but they'll probably also love the Duplo train and the Submarine ride (although I advise running straight through the park to get that one when it opens or you'll queue for ever). It's worth watching the show at the Lighthouse whatever it currently is, as that age love the slapstick and the falling in the water.
The duplo play area is also good for that age, and mine were fascinated by some of Miniland-especially the moving boats and "Nessy" at that age.

OooErMissus · 20/07/2019 23:39

A 10 month old and a newborn? Fair play to you, OP.

Pomegranatemolasses · 20/07/2019 23:45

Another thread which makes me dread being a MIL, albeit it's a few years away.

YABU

transformandriseup · 20/07/2019 23:50

Isn’t it really hot in London at the moment? Your poor baby will be sat in a pushchair all day in the heat and with stomach problems on top I couldnt think of anything worse.

Cutantrim · 21/07/2019 00:01

Fucking hell the OP has a poorly 11 month old 3 days post op and a newborn.

There is literally NOTHING she could do right now which would be unreasonable in my opinion.

Dieu · 21/07/2019 00:10

I had to reread the post, to check your child's age. I had assumed she'd be of an age where she'd be upset to be left out ... but she's a baby!
And you say that her grandmother has looked after her many times while she's been unwell, but that's probably been in the comfort of her home, and not trekking round a theme park Confused
So I'm sorry OP, but YABU. I hope your daughter is ok though, and that she is recovering well from her op BearThanks

Glitter99x · 21/07/2019 00:15

Bit weird your mil suggested taking her, but an 11 month old and the two others of similar ages won't remember going, and they may get joy out of it but probably wouldn't be there long what with naps, nappy changes and feeding to include. Maybe make it so they go when they are a bit older 2 onwards.

ellendegeneres · 21/07/2019 00:22

My 10month old ds loved legoland! Went on the carousel with him, fed him continuously and found little areas where he could have a crawl around while we waited for ds1 to be done on his rides.
But I had no choice of childcare and was a big group of us and cheap tickets or I’d never have considered it!

I won’t tell you to cancel the cheque op, I know you’ve already been told that now 😉

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