MIL won't take my daughter to Legoland

[MissKatyKat]

Okay I'm really annoyed about this so would appreciate thoughts from others.

My MIL is quite a young grandmother and has two friends with young children, similar age to my daughter who is nearly 11 months old, so they socialise together at a baby group. That's fine with me, I do other things with my daughter and it's nice that she has a good social life.
A few weeks ago MIL told me they were planning to go to Legoland and was it okay for her to take my daughter? I also have a new baby son so I have no problem with my daughter being taken on a day out that we can't really do ourselves with the baby just yet.

Anyway, my daughter has had some ongoing stomach problems for the past few months which had been dismissed as "just one of those things" until recently. She has now had a small procedure to correct things earlier this week and came out of hospital today. She is recovering well and has been really good about the whole thing, so I feel she deserves this day out more than ever. However, talking to MIL this morning, she just drops it into the conversation that she won't be taking my daughter to Legoland now (in 2 weeks time) because she doesn't think it's a good idea after the operation, although she is still going with her two friends and their children who are aged 18 months and 2 years. My daughter's stomach problem caused her to suffer badly with wind and sometimes get diarrhoea, which I appreciate isn't pleasant to deal with, but the procedure she has just had is meant to stop this from happening again, although because she's just had an operation her stomach will take a bit of time to settle, but not anywhere near as bad as it has been, and my MIL has looked after her many times when she's had one of these episodes.

So her argument now is:
"The other two children are walking so she'll have to be in her pushchair to keep up and I don't want to drag a pushchair all round Legoland".
And
"It's not really fair on the other two children if I bring a windy, smelly baby along who can't go on any of the rides".
But it was her SUGGESTION to take my daughter to Legoland (and there's plenty of rides she can go on), and her condition is now BETTER than it was when she made that suggestion.

So AIBU or is my MIL being totally ridiculous?

But does she let you down where your DD is concerned? People can be unreliable in other areas but still be good grandparents.

@Weezol maybe yes. Thanks for putting that nicely. As I say, I just wanted to hear other people's opinions.
@TheHandsOfNeilBuchanan she takes her to the baby group one a month for 2 hours including travel, I never asked, she offered, and I thank her very much every time. As of next month I will be going with the new baby as well, and MIL is only still coming with me because she wants to socialise with her friends there.

YABU on this particular situation, your last post suggests you’re annoyed with MIL for other things, probably affecting your view.

I genuinely don’t understand this at all. You’ve got an 11 month old that walks and had had medical issues, AND a newborn? I’d probably suggest either you have a lot bigger things to really worry about, or else you’re maybe feeling a bit vulnerable and sensitive after everything your body has been through in the last 18m.

Either way, your MIL is definitely NBU, she’s made a perfectly sensible decision.

Sorry I think your mil is right. What if your daughter becomes ill and distressed, it is busy there. Yanbu

Sorry auto yabu

@NoSauce sometimes yes but not exclusively, overall I'd say she is a good grandparent, just quite a difficult person.
@Loopytiles yes that's probably a very fair point.

PS If I were you my emotions and hormones would be raging right now, so don’t take it personally when people say yabu

@BackforGood I have stated twice now that my issue is with her making the suggesion then back tracking on it

Yup, once after my post and once whilst I was writing my post.
YAstillBU though. It was always a non-issue

Lego land will still be there in two years time when she will enjoy it a lot more. Or even in four years time when she will be wowed by the experience.

With any luck your MIL will still be speaking to you and happy to take her, either with her friends, or on her own.

'You’ve got an 11 month old that walks and had had medical issues, AND a newborn? I’d probably suggest either you have a lot bigger things to really worry about, or else you’re maybe feeling a bit vulnerable and sensitive after everything your body has been through in the last 18m. '

And this Op TBH

@Mayborn thank you, I'm not taking it personally at all, I really did just want other people's views to see if I was being stupid, which apparently I was! I do fully take on board that other things definitely cloud the judgement. The only comments I object to are those saying I sound entitled, apologies for coming across that way, I can say hand on heart it's not the case.

At 10 months old. She really isnt missing anything, she wouldnt have a clue what was going on

I don't think it's U of your MIL not to take an 11-month-old to Legoland - it's not really designed for babies. However, it's a bit weird of her to have offered in the first place, and then taken the offer back. Are you sure that there wasn't a misunderstanding?

You have an 11 month old and a newborn?!

Whatever is the point of an 11 month old going to legoland?

In the kindest way, yabu.

Mil is probably, understandably, anxious about your child having an explosive poonami in a theme park. I couldn't imagine anything worse personally.

At 11 months old, and recovering from a procedure, I'm sure your dc will be more comfortable at home anyway.

I have stated twice now that my issue is with her making the suggesion then back tracking on it, it is still a non issue. Nobody has lost out or been inconvenienced

I know I keep saying it but I'm just annoyed at the change of mind, probably because MIL does stuff like this all the time
Steady on, this is the first time you e said this!!! Your complaint was that she wouldn't admit it was unsuitable place.
My issue isn't about my daughter being upset or anything, it's the fact my MIL has pulled out and won't admit it was a pretty unsuitable suggestion to begin with This was your issue.

Stop thinking about your daughter missing out on a day trip with her friends. She’s not even a year old, she doesn’t have friends.

@ddl1 this was exactly what I couldn't understand. Definitely not a misunderstanding as she's mentioned it every time I speak to her and it's written on her calendar. As I say though, she does do stuff like this a lot.

It was a mistake to think of taking such a littl'un to legoland. Changing her mind was a good decision on your MIL's behalf.

Ignore the comments that make you feel that way, i don’t think you sound stupid or entitled, just that you must be shattered.

I can’t believe your 11mo is walking...

OP i think from your updates it’s not really about the Legoland trip. This probably feels like a bigger thing because of all the other stress you’ve been under and because MIL is flaky.
You and your Dd have dodged a bullet on this one. Let it go and stop letting it upset you.

She's being ridiculous but in fairness 11 months is far to young for your daughter to get anything out of that at all! Ask her to have for the day another time if it helps you out.

I personally wouldn't want to take a two week post op baby to Legoland, or indeed any other attraction type place which wasn't 100% necessary. I am guessing that MIL didn't know about the op when she made her offer to take DD, so I don't think she is being unreasonable to change her mind. In fact, in the circumstances, I would probably have rescinded my permission for her to go.