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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL won't take my daughter to Legoland

252 replies

MissKatyKat · 20/07/2019 20:01

Okay I'm really annoyed about this so would appreciate thoughts from others.

My MIL is quite a young grandmother and has two friends with young children, similar age to my daughter who is nearly 11 months old, so they socialise together at a baby group. That's fine with me, I do other things with my daughter and it's nice that she has a good social life.
A few weeks ago MIL told me they were planning to go to Legoland and was it okay for her to take my daughter? I also have a new baby son so I have no problem with my daughter being taken on a day out that we can't really do ourselves with the baby just yet.

Anyway, my daughter has had some ongoing stomach problems for the past few months which had been dismissed as "just one of those things" until recently. She has now had a small procedure to correct things earlier this week and came out of hospital today. She is recovering well and has been really good about the whole thing, so I feel she deserves this day out more than ever. However, talking to MIL this morning, she just drops it into the conversation that she won't be taking my daughter to Legoland now (in 2 weeks time) because she doesn't think it's a good idea after the operation, although she is still going with her two friends and their children who are aged 18 months and 2 years. My daughter's stomach problem caused her to suffer badly with wind and sometimes get diarrhoea, which I appreciate isn't pleasant to deal with, but the procedure she has just had is meant to stop this from happening again, although because she's just had an operation her stomach will take a bit of time to settle, but not anywhere near as bad as it has been, and my MIL has looked after her many times when she's had one of these episodes.

So her argument now is:
"The other two children are walking so she'll have to be in her pushchair to keep up and I don't want to drag a pushchair all round Legoland".
And
"It's not really fair on the other two children if I bring a windy, smelly baby along who can't go on any of the rides".
But it was her SUGGESTION to take my daughter to Legoland (and there's plenty of rides she can go on), and her condition is now BETTER than it was when she made that suggestion.

So AIBU or is my MIL being totally ridiculous?

OP posts:
blue25 · 20/07/2019 20:28

She's thought about it and changed her mind. So what?

She hasn't upset your daughter as she's too young to know, so what's the problem? You need to grow up TBH.

Original poster
MissKatyKat · 20/07/2019 20:29

@71wheretogo some good points made there, thanks!
@Crunchymum yes I do.
Thanks everyone, well not so much those saying I'm entitled, I'm truly not, I was annoyed at the way MIL changed her mind, I didn't say my reaction was right, I purely wanted to see others perspective on it which I now have and it looks like my reaction was probably wrong. Thank you :)

OP posts:
Awalkinthepark1 · 20/07/2019 20:29

Her place is at home with you and not at Legoland. YABU

NoSauce · 20/07/2019 20:30

Does MIL usually back out of having her or is generally flaky? Because if not I don’t understand why you’re so annoyed with her.

gamerwidow · 20/07/2019 20:30

I have stated twice now that my issue is with her making the suggesion then back tracking on it, I'm not annoyed about MIL not taking her, I agree with everyone saying she is too young
I don’t understand this. You knew it was a bad idea but now your MIL has come to same conclusion you want her to go along with it anyway? Have you never changed your mind about something after looking at all the facts. Why force your child into a shit day out just to force your MIL to honour an agreement which you know is stupid?

Gatehouse77 · 20/07/2019 20:31

Thing is with young children I think you need to be prepared for arrangements to be cancelled or postponed and for people to change their mind. It’s not something I would get upset about.

The comment about your daughter being ‘smelly’ I can see being hurtful. I suspect your MIL did that to help justify her position - crass and unnecessary. If it’s an isolated incident I would let it pass but, as I say, it’s hurtful.

Nicknacky · 20/07/2019 20:31

I decide to take my kids places then change my mind. That’s normal!
You have what you think is a good idea, work out the logistics then decide not to bother.

So why be annoyed at her?

MrMeSeeks · 20/07/2019 20:31

I agree with mil! 2 wks post op? You’ve got to be kidding!
Not fair on your child at all.

EssentialHummus · 20/07/2019 20:32

all 3 will be in a buggy, all 3 will need a nap at some point and none of them will really get much out of it. Plus it costs a fortune.

This, this, this and this. With extra points for going in the school holidays when presumably neither the kids nor their grand/parents are bound by them. DM changed her mind and realised that she'd like a fun day out at LL herself, and that having DGD isn't conducive to that. She might have offered to take her at a different time so you don't feel let down, but that's about all the unreasonableness I can see her.

SparklyMagpie · 20/07/2019 20:32

You are still being VVVVVU

Jellybeansincognito · 20/07/2019 20:33

‘she’s been really good about the whole thing’ - at 11 months old she’s not got a clue what she going on really though has she?

I also don’t understand why anyone would take an 11 month old to Lego land.

annielouise · 20/07/2019 20:33

So you agree she's too young but you're annoyed now she's not going as your MIL has thought it through and doesn't think it a good idea. You're annoyed over nothing. Why didn't you just say in the first place, "no, thank you for the offer, but she's too young for Legoland".

avalanching · 20/07/2019 20:34

A 10 month old has nothing to gain from Legoland.

I completely understand trepidation babysitting a TEN MONTH OLD who has only recently had a procedure relating to something that could cause an issue. Honestly, YABU.

Weezol · 20/07/2019 20:35

It's the fact my MIL has pulled out and won't admit it was a pretty unsuitable suggestion to begin with.

You sound desperate to 'win' on this - is it really that important?

Could it be that you're getting over a stressful and scary time with DD1, have a small baby and are tired and over thinking this a bit?

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 20/07/2019 20:35

I don't understand why you're annoyed that she's changed her mind. Surely it would have been worse if she took her knowing that it was a bad idea. She suggested something, you thought it was a bad idea and she's realised it was a bad idea so she's not doing it. Great.

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/07/2019 20:35

An 11 month old doesn’t need a wealth of experiences out and about. Lego land would be horrid for her. I am assuming your dd didn’t have incisional surgery as there is no way I’d want her out and about for a day if this were the case. Good that you’ve taken on board the posts.

TheHandsOfNeilBuchanan · 20/07/2019 20:36

It's not a place for an 11 month at the best of times, let alone one with tummy trouble. YABVU . You're very lucky MIL takes her to a regular baby group, you sound very entitled.

sleepyhead · 20/07/2019 20:37

The other two are going to Massively regret not taking buggies.

We took ds2 when he was about 2 because we were on holiday with ds1 who was 8 and LL was his big treat. Ds2 liked the play parks but they could have been play parks anywhere - I don't think he went on any rides.

MarthasGinYard · 20/07/2019 20:37

'it's the fact my MIL has pulled out and won't admit it was a pretty unsuitable suggestion to begin with.'

So you admit that yourself

Let it go

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 20/07/2019 20:37

I wouldn't have thought an 11 month old would give a shit.

Caterina99 · 20/07/2019 20:38

Good luck to her friends taking an 18m old and a 2 year old to legoland. With no pushchair!

they must have older kids? No one would seriously want to take kids that young on a trip like that if they didn’t have to

Original poster
MissKatyKat · 20/07/2019 20:38

I know I keep saying it but I'm just annoyed at the change of mind, probably because MIL does stuff like this all the time, not regarding child care, just in life in general and I guess I'm just fed up with it, but obviously no one else knows her and is only seeing this one situation so I get the comments, I really do.
@annielouise I don't know why I didn't say anything to be perfectly honest. I guess I just didn't want to look like a mean mum stopping my daughter from having a day out with her friends (who admittedly are both older than her and might get a bit more out of it).

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 20/07/2019 20:39

So be pleased you were right it wasn’t the best idea.

Whisky2014 · 20/07/2019 20:41

Yabu

isitwhatitis · 20/07/2019 20:42

There will be nothing at Legoland for an 11 month old to do and two weeks after surgery seems a bit pointless for something that will be of zero benefit to her.
I hope that the surgery goes well.

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