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AIBU?

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Original poster

To hate my baby

177 replies

Jadefeather7 · 20/07/2019 17:57

I’ve posted about my baby here before. I’m beginning to feel like I hate him and I don’t want to hold him.

He’s 10 weeks and since birth has screamed almost constantly. If he’s awake and not feeding he’s screaming, crying or fussing 90% of the time. Nothing really works- white noise, music, dummy, swaddling, swing. He hates the car seat and pram so I can’t go anywhere. He’s sometimes ok if he’s being held and walked around. I do that as much as I can but I can’t walk around all day long. I have a sling and I wear that if I can but he tires of that after an hour or two. I’ve taken him to the cranial osteopath and it’s made no difference. I’ve taken him to the paediatrician who prescribed omeprazole for reflux and he seemed ok for a day or two so I got my hopes up but then it was back to the same. I don’t have much support as my husband works long hours and our parents are unable to help much except at weekends when we try to visit them for a few hours. I don’t know what to do with him. I wish I could give him up. I don’t want to take anti depressants- I hate taking medication and I feel like the problem is him not me.

OP posts:
Slomi · 20/07/2019 19:20

PS. Sorry you're suffering OP and not getting much help. My PHN used to tell me I just wasn't winding DD right as she roared for hours on end Hmm

sunshiney78 · 20/07/2019 19:23

Dairy free formula and Omeprazole for baby and antidepressants for you will get you both through the next few months.

Tolleshunt · 20/07/2019 19:23

Sorry, meant to say that if casein is the problem you will see an improvement within a few days, and certainly within a fortnight.

sunshiney78 · 20/07/2019 19:28

Also Neocate is the dairy free formula and make dose of Omeprazole is increasing with weight

Candymay · 20/07/2019 19:36

Do you have a neighbour who could help? I would happily help you if you happened to be close to me.
Have you heard of Homestart charity? You could have a volunteer come to you to chat or support you for two hours a week. It’s not much I know but could be useful.
Also I would advise taking your baby to the doctor as often as you need until you make sure there’s nothing wrong with him. I had a baby who screamed. He needed an operation and the doctor wouldn’t believe me for weeks.

IsobelRae23 · 20/07/2019 19:37

Sound obvious but is he being winded properly? I say that as with ds1 I would wind him, he’d burp and fall into a content sleep.

Ds2 I would do the same, but he would cry and cry. Then dp winded him, I will admit a lot harder than me to the point I was horrified and said ‘you are going or hurt him’ and he would do the biggest burp you could ever imagine coming out of this tiny human, and then fall straight asleep on dp’s shoulder.

Turns out his mum had mentioned it as he and two of his 6 siblings were the same. It took me a lot of practice, as I kept thinking I would hurt him. But the Hv said it was fine, and obviously what he needed to get his wind up.

IsobelRae23 · 20/07/2019 19:39

Please remember- you don’t hate your baby. You hate the situation you are in. Something is wrong with him, he’s in pain or discomfort. He’s too little to do it just to get on your nerves!!

SusieOwl4 · 20/07/2019 19:42

I hope they would check this as routine but my second baby had undiagnosed tongue tie and was not feeding properly and she was really bad for about 16 weeks , in the end after endless requests for help I weaned her early ( I know you are told not to do this now) and it was like having a different baby - then the fog lifted and it all slotted into place. I hope you get some help. It wont last forever.

SusieOwl4 · 20/07/2019 19:43

I was going to suggest homestart as well , they are great .

DistanceCall · 20/07/2019 19:45

I feel like the problem is him not me

He's a baby. It's not his fault.

You need help. Talk to your GP and HV - it's hard, but it shouldn't be this hard, and your baby is clearly in distress.

Hobsbawm · 20/07/2019 19:46

Sounds a lot like a cow's milk protein allergy (CMPA). Screaming a lot can be the only key symptom. I know, just off the top of my head, of at least 3 babies for whom that was the case before weaning. The other symptoms only came when solids were introduced.

Cutting out dairy from your diet or trying a hypoallergenic formula (depending on how your baby is fed) and seeing if symptoms improve, over the course of a few weeks. You have an answer. If symptoms reappear when you try eating dairy/giving standard formula again, you have a definite answer. That is the process for diagnosis.

How much GPs and HVs truly understand about CMPA varies. Do some reading and push. Don't accept 'some babies just scream all the time'. There are also other medications that came be tried if the omeprazole isn't working and your baby has silent reflux.

AllTheWhoresOfMalta · 20/07/2019 19:47

My friend had this with her eldest. She had cows milk protein allergy. My friend was genuinely suicidal before she talked to the doctor and was put on antidepressants. She also went back to work when baby was 9 months. They got through it though and her second was a dream in comparison. Eldest is 5 now and a really nice little girl. Go and see your doctor.

MaverickSnoopy · 20/07/2019 19:51

What's his daytime sleep like exactly? You said that he won't last more than a couple of hours in the sling and also that he won't always sleep after every feed. Sorry if this sounds rude, but how often are his naps, or how often are you trying?

My babies at that age napped every 60-90 mins or so and had between 11-14 hours sleep in a 24 hours period. That's not to say that they were easy sleepers but babies need more frequent sleep than is always obvious (of course all babies are different).

I had a friend over a while back with her baby - similar age - and he was so fussy and unhappy and she was trying so hard to settle him and then it transpired that he'd been up for 3 hours and she was hoping he'd drop off. Some babies do but others need help and lots need a much shorter gap.

When babies become overtired it sort of banks up and they become more and more overtired every day and it becomes harder and harder to get them to sleep (says the woman with a 9mo who took 2 hours to go to sleep this morning after a week of sleep getting worse).

I shan't waffle on in case I'm way off base but I just wanted to put it out there. An overtired baby who wants the sleep will be just like this. You've probably already answered this point and I've missed it!

I really hope it gets better soon. Don't make any rash decisions about work. You can't undo it once you're back and you'd be gutted if it was something fixable.

Original poster
Jadefeather7 · 20/07/2019 19:51

@IsobelRae23 he does pass bottom wind a few timed every day and when he passes it he usually looks really uncomfortable and cries or screams. He does burp after almost every feed. Do you mean rubbing their backs more vigorously or patting harder?

OP posts:
ACatNamedDoris · 20/07/2019 19:51

Just another voice to add to the chorus - please, please go and see your doctor. I also know babies for whom non stop screaming was the result of CMPA. I wouldn't be surprised if this was the case with your baby.

Lottiebugz22 · 20/07/2019 19:53

He might be overtired.
Is he getting enough naps during the day?
Here's some things you can try:

Feed him and if you bottle feed put a squirt of infacol in the bottle of milk every time or if you breastfeed give him a dose of infacol before you breastfeed him.
Change his nappy.
Down for a nap straight after feeding in a quiet place.

Try a love to dream swaddle these a brilliant for babies who need to be held all the time and won't settle.

Grandmi · 20/07/2019 19:55

Is your baby arching his back when he is screaming? If so it sounds like reflux...my son had it and it was horrific for him and for me ! Ask your Dr to refer him to a paediatrician and ask for help with your mental health. It’s the situation you are in that you hate ,not your baby. I really feel for you .

Original poster
Jadefeather7 · 20/07/2019 19:56

@MaverickSnoopy I would say he sleeps about 10-14 hours in a 24 hour period.

OP posts:
yesteaandawineplease · 20/07/2019 20:00

it sounds really really rough op Sad. no wonder you feel at your wits end and want to go back to work. although I'm not sure this would help and could just make you more tired and stressed.

if you don't think it's an allergy/tummy/physical issue have you considered sleep? or rather lack of sleep? lots of free stuff online about this but also books and online programmes you can buy if you think it will help

many people find a big improvement after 12 weeks too. hang in there Flowers

Original poster
Jadefeather7 · 20/07/2019 20:00

Do CMPA babies have moments of contentment? Mine is unhappy for 90% of the time but there are some rare moments when he’s happy and smiling (usually in the morning). He can be smiling one moment and screaming the next

OP posts:
Kko1986 · 20/07/2019 20:03

Does your husband work weekends? If not Iet him take the baby tonight and you sleep.
2nd go see your doctor baby is picking up on your distress too. You may or may not have pnd we can't diagnose but I had pnd and I got put on meds and within 2 weeks I felt better.

Kko1986 · 20/07/2019 20:04

And try burping every oz during feeding

yesteaandawineplease · 20/07/2019 20:04

sorry crossed post with your last couple.

14 hours sleep is good... 10 isn't great. does it make a difference to what sort of day you have?

of course could possibly be an issue with milk etc.

so hard to tell.

scottishlass123 · 20/07/2019 20:05

My youngest was unsettled and would vomit a little after feeding, I was told it was reflux, collic etc. But having older kids I thought it was allergies even though she didn't have the typical symptoms. I breast fed so I gave up dairy but it made no difference. When I weaned her at 6 months we discovered she was allergic to egg and dairy. Once I went egg and dairy free, she was perfect no more vomiting and more settled. If your child is breastfed try cutting out allergy prone foods or if bottle fed try an allergy free milk. Worth a try. Go easy on yourself, caring for an unsettled baby 24 /7 is exhausting. Things will get better, go to your local children's centre or ask your HV for support.

Slomi · 20/07/2019 20:06

My DD with CMPA was happiest in the morning (I suppose when her stomach was emptiest) and then gradually tended to get worse, usually having a massive crying fit from about 7 to 11pm before falling asleep. She could be very lovely at times but it was mostly crying.

I am not ashamed to admit I ended up on anti-depressants for 3 months, it was relentless, I 100% feel your pain.

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