To think that it's unkind to leave one person out?

[Mammyloveswine]

So I work in a small team of 6, i considered us to be a close team and friends. We have a WhatsApp group and all message everyday. One of the staff had a big birthday today. I tried to arrange a little lunch out to celebrate this week but not everyone could make it so I sorted a collection from everyone and also bought a gift just from me. I knew birthday girl was having a day/night out to celebrate today "with close family and friends" and knew that 2 other members of our team were going. All fine. They are close friends. Anyway I've just received a photo to our WhatsApp group of our whole team (not just the ones that I know are really close) who are all out on the town together celebrating. I wasn't invited and the others never mentioned they were going when we were discussing weekend plans.

I know that it's her choice to invite who she wants but I considered her a friend! In fact she messaged me last night thanking me for being such a good friend lately! For the whole team to have been invited but not me just makes me feel like crap. How can you just leave one person out?

The rational side of me says to not overthink it and it's probably nothing personal but part of me feels like I'm back at school again! I just feel really hurt!

AIBU to think that it's a little bit mean to invite all but one person?

That’s a really horrible thing to do, I’d be very hurt. No wonder you’re upset.

I would give them until tomorrow to see what they say on WhatsApp. After that, rather than leaving the group, I would put it on mute and archive it.

If you leave the group, it will say "...has left the group" and will give them an opportunity to make it out like you're being huffy or have some kind of problem or something.

If you just mute and archive and don't respond I bet they will click into the messages to see if you've read them, see that you haven't even read them cos you don't give a shit, and I think that'll make them feel pretty shit, childish and insignificant.

If they are the bitches they sound like, they will want a reaction. Don't give them it. Don't flounce our the WhatsApp group, just stop reading. I think it gives a cleaner "I'm not interested in this shit" vibe.

And don't be frosty at work; just be polite but disinterested.

I'm still hoping it was some sort of mistake, but if not, don't worry about it. Xxxx

@stanski it moght give them aheads up they've upset her
Kp at least mute notifications

Am overwhelmed by everyone's support on here so thank you everyone!

I wish I was the type to not be bothered or that I was really bitchy so at least there might be some "explanation" for the behaviour. In reality it's the opposite, there's a running joke (in a nice way) that I'm everybody's friend and can always be relied upon!

They're total shits
I'd also leave the group, establish new level of detachment and feeeze out the bday girl unless there's a good explanation

@zoerainbow Wow that was some reaction, everyone turning down the invite. They obviously all felt very strongly about the unfairness of the situation. I hope your colleague got the message loud and clear.

OP Hopefully you will get an answer on Monday not that there is any excuse for this kind of behaviour. It really is like being back in the school yard.

I can’t believe that nobody wanted to do the lunch you tried to organize and didn’t bother telling you it was because they were already celebrating with her!

And they let you collect money. They lied about not having plans. And she randomly text you about being a good friend??

From what you say this is all out of character for everyone...is there ANY chance they assumed you were invited?? (I know it’s clutching at straws).

F*%kers! That's very hurtful OP. It's leaves you wondering why which is the worst part of it all.
Your message was perfect though, with a nice dignified vibe.
I suggest muting that WhatsApp group and as others have suggested, quietly distance yourself from them and just keep things professional.

@IvanaPee I messaged birthday girl saying having a fab party and she just replied saying thank you! No mention of me being there at all.

Total bitch alert after your last update

Does she have form for such behaviour

Oh god. That’s just so nasty. I’d be very hurt, @Mammyloveswine. But you handled it really well.

I’d never organize anything again!

That's very unkind OP but I would gradually distance myself

You're too good for them. Save it for people who would appreciate it. X

That's really shitty OP I'm sorry they've done that. Real 13yr old child behaviour.
I think there's a separate chat for the day/night out and the one who sent the message sent pics to wrong chat.. Hence the silence while they're all thinking shit.
Good response so far. Nasty bitches.

I'd be inclined to ask for the present back.

Don't remove yourself from the chat or do anything. Let it ride and see how they are with you on Monday, are they embarrasssed, acting like they've fucked up, or not?

I would be cool and professional from now on, they don't consider you to be a friend, so don't be, just be a colleague. A great colleague, but just a colleague.

Hugs, it's pretty shit.

Are they messaging you to tell you they’re heading home now (and sending pics) directly? That sounds a little unbelievable?

It sounds more like a genuine mistake if there were 30 others out

So sorry OP they are horrid and, in your shoes, I’d be massively upset.

I’d also just leave the WhatsApp group and not bother going out on the birthday bash you’ve paid for already. For me there’s be no going back after this.

Leave fb for now, but over the course of the next month or is I’d start to unfriend them and distance myself. As you said, be professional, but aloof too and find some other friends at work. Your team sound like a bunch of shits

Go in on Monday, say you can’t go to the birthday bash that’s planned next month. Ask one of the newbies if they want to buy your train ticket. Then leave the WhatsApp group and be REALLY nice but arm’s length with everyone until either they offer a grovelling apology, or you find a new job. Cry every night until it doesn’t hurt any more.

Sorry they did that to you OP. It must really sting.

I had similar but not as brutal. Just gradually nudged out of a work friendship group until everyone but me got a wedding invite from one of the other girls. I knew it was coming but still made me feel like a right plum. It’s horrid.

I hope they all get the shits as bad as Bridesmaids after the Mexican. Spiteful bunch of bitches

@HeadintheiClouds I wish I was just making it up!!

Have had one pic of everyone (happy big birthday to "birthday girl"!) and then when I replied one person sent a message saying "thinking of heading home soon but had a great day!" Type response.

Wow. These people are not your friends.
I’d leave WhatsApp group and just talk about work at work.
You are better off without such shallow people in your life.
This is why I don’t get too involved with people at work as they will stab you in the back.

@FattyPedalsFuriously0hPipNo there were 5 out of our team of 6 out with 20 odd others. I was the only one without an invite and not there from my workplace.

This is absolutely horrible.

I would be tempted to message birthday girl tomorrow and say ‘did you deliberately exclude me from last night, or have there been crossed wires?’ Cos I’d rather just know, and I wouldn’t care about ‘making it awkward’: she’s done that!

You may find she doesn’t think as much of you as you do her, but at least you’ll know.