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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that it's unkind to leave one person out?

606 replies

Mammyloveswine · 20/07/2019 17:37

So I work in a small team of 6, i considered us to be a close team and friends. We have a WhatsApp group and all message everyday. One of the staff had a big birthday today. I tried to arrange a little lunch out to celebrate this week but not everyone could make it so I sorted a collection from everyone and also bought a gift just from me. I knew birthday girl was having a day/night out to celebrate today "with close family and friends" and knew that 2 other members of our team were going. All fine. They are close friends. Anyway I've just received a photo to our WhatsApp group of our whole team (not just the ones that I know are really close) who are all out on the town together celebrating. I wasn't invited and the others never mentioned they were going when we were discussing weekend plans.

I know that it's her choice to invite who she wants but I considered her a friend! In fact she messaged me last night thanking me for being such a good friend lately! For the whole team to have been invited but not me just makes me feel like crap. How can you just leave one person out?

The rational side of me says to not overthink it and it's probably nothing personal but part of me feels like I'm back at school again! I just feel really hurt!

AIBU to think that it's a little bit mean to invite all but one person?

OP posts:
AppleDump · 22/07/2019 14:58

Gang of shits.....well done OP you have handled it brilliantly.

Veryouting123 · 22/07/2019 15:01

You were bloody fantastic and admirable!

Zoidbergonthehalfshell · 22/07/2019 15:05

Well done, OP.

Maudiejames · 22/07/2019 15:07

Kudos to you OP for addressing all of them at once and was calm and firm. Made them squirm. Shame they tried to minimise it. Good for not letting them do so. They'll realise how unkind they were being.

Sexnotgender · 22/07/2019 15:09

Bunch of dicks. Sorry op what a shitty way to be treated. At least you know now though.

Asgoodasarest · 22/07/2019 15:10

Good for you. Regardless of what happens from now on, you should be proud of standing up for yourself. I’m sure I’d have just let it eat away at me. Your way is much better!

MrsDimmond · 22/07/2019 15:12

Beautifully done OP
Flowers

Original poster
Mammyloveswine · 22/07/2019 15:13

Thanks all! Was the elephant in the room so I couldn't not say anything!

Anyway I feel a lot better than I did on Saturday night so thank you all!

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 22/07/2019 15:15

Blimey! That was impressive! Very well done.

That's a lesson in How to Confront Bullies Without Being Confrontational.

I hope you're proud of yourself

AnneKipanki · 22/07/2019 15:19

WOW!

LottieLucie · 22/07/2019 15:19

Wow good work OP. Well handled.

And you're in a better position now as you know what type of fuckers you're dealing with so don't invest a nano second more than is necessary on them in future.

diaduittoyou · 22/07/2019 15:20

Really well done OP X

Imawomanontheedge · 22/07/2019 15:20

Well done OP you’ve held your head high and have dealt with it in a very professional manner. You’ve come across as a very reasonable person but will not stand any crap off those concerned.

Stampyourfeet · 22/07/2019 15:21

Perfectly handled but they are all snakes!

MostIneptThatEverStepped · 22/07/2019 15:21

Wow have you ever considered a career as a diplomat?

Amazing handling of this...brave, no self pity, no drama but not afraid to confront it head on.

Really, they're not worthy of your friendship.

spikeymama · 22/07/2019 15:21

Words fail. What a bunch of arseholes. I've had it with spineless twats like that now. DD has this all the time. Do as our OP's are saying. Cool from them. Civil of course. But screw them. I wonder how they'd feel. Sending you love..ffs don't let them get you down xx

Simkin · 22/07/2019 15:22

So impressed with how you handled this! Incredible!

MadamWaffle · 22/07/2019 15:23

So BG hasn't got an explanation? What about the others lying about their plans?
What the actual fuck? You've handled it for more maturely than I would have. Well done!

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 22/07/2019 15:23

Passive-aggressives do this, as I know through ample experience with my in-laws. They make the grand, silent gesture and go all-out to ensure the person it's directed against knows it. But if confronted, they'll either say you're being too sensitive or that you've somehow misread the situation (cf. 'you could have come') - and/or deny they've made any such gesture in the first place. A real oversight would produce contrition and a reassurance that the behaviour would not be repeated. It's always easy to tell which is which.

I despise such people as the utterly craven cowards they are. If something has caused hurt or anger then open, measured and direct methods of communication are the adult way to behave. OP did exactly this. The colleague-coven, predictably, read straight off the PAs' script.

Kudos to you, OP, for your calm dignity, and especially for not letting them off the hook when they trotted out their lame excuses. WTG! Flowers

Itsallabitbleak · 22/07/2019 15:24

I'm massively impressed at how you handled it OP, it's everything we would all love to do but very few of us could actually execute. I bet lots of them feel rubbish truth be told and didn't even realise until they were out that you'd been exluded. Seriously well done xxv

AlwaysTryingToHelp · 22/07/2019 15:26

OP, I had to comment on your post the moment I saw it.

It is so similar to what happened to me last week. At work we are a very small team of 4 ladies, they have all worked here for 15 years plus where as I have been here for just 2. When I first started they were always commenting on how well I settled in and they felt like I had worked with them all for years and how lovely it is. We go for meals out around once every 2 months and buy birthday and Christmas presents for each other (around £30-£40 each). Last week it was a 'big birthday' for one of the girls, we all went out for a meal the week before to celebrate, I got her an 'extra special' gift and I thought that was it.
She was off work for the week to celebrate and on her actual birthday she had a meal with family and 'close friends', one of the girls mentioned to me on the day she had been invited 'last minute' (her husband had just passed away, so I thought she was just being kind inviting her). Then that night I saw pictures and comments on Facebook of all 3 of them there at the meal, so it was just me that was invited. I was gutted and I didn't understand what I had done wrong. I didn't say anything to any of them and they didn't say anything to me (but I could tell they knew that I knew), I now just come into work act professional and go home. I have decided I will no longer act as if they are my friends but as professional work colleagues. I won't talk to them about my private life, weekend plans or anything else about myself. I will still get gifts but something smaller and I will not put as much effort in as I always did before. As for meals out I will go every now and again but I will 'be busy' sometimes.
I still have to see these ladies 5 days a week, so I don't want to make my work life unbearable because I do actually love my job but I will be sure never to make the same mistakes again.

Well done to you for saying what you did and standing up for yourself, I wish I had the confidence to do that but just reading your story made me feel so much better about myself and that it wasn't something I had done wrong, sometimes people just aren't kind.

maras2 · 22/07/2019 15:29

Well done mammy
What a load of nasty wagons Angry

OhRuddyHell · 22/07/2019 15:30

You sound lovely OP, well done

Annonymiss123 · 22/07/2019 15:31

You were bloody fantastic and admirable

^^This!

Well done OP. 👏👏

LimitIsUp · 22/07/2019 15:35

Well done - perfectly handled.

Did the BG look a bit shifty?

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