To think that it's unkind to leave one person out?

[Mammyloveswine]

So I work in a small team of 6, i considered us to be a close team and friends. We have a WhatsApp group and all message everyday. One of the staff had a big birthday today. I tried to arrange a little lunch out to celebrate this week but not everyone could make it so I sorted a collection from everyone and also bought a gift just from me. I knew birthday girl was having a day/night out to celebrate today "with close family and friends" and knew that 2 other members of our team were going. All fine. They are close friends. Anyway I've just received a photo to our WhatsApp group of our whole team (not just the ones that I know are really close) who are all out on the town together celebrating. I wasn't invited and the others never mentioned they were going when we were discussing weekend plans.

I know that it's her choice to invite who she wants but I considered her a friend! In fact she messaged me last night thanking me for being such a good friend lately! For the whole team to have been invited but not me just makes me feel like crap. How can you just leave one person out?

The rational side of me says to not overthink it and it's probably nothing personal but part of me feels like I'm back at school again! I just feel really hurt!

AIBU to think that it's a little bit mean to invite all but one person?

Googluck

Hope all has gone well OP

Hope you have been ok today and managed to have a fun weekend despite the upset

Any update OP?

Hi everyone! So I just kept very calm and professional, smiled and said "hello" and just got on with my work.

Everyone been quite quiet so think they were avoiding the issue.

Eventually I just said "I hope you all had a good night, I'm not going to lie but it hurt that I was the only one not invited. I'm old enough to know that not everyone likes everyone but to see photos etc all over social media was rather unkind. I'm sure there was no malice in it and I'll still be professional but I feel that it's important you know how this has made me feel".

There were lots of "oh that was never our intention, you could've joined us etc" but i just stood firm and said that I wasn't invited and given how there was ample opportunity for someone to invite me along then it was obvious I was purposefully excluded. I was very calm.

One of the team took me to one side when we went to get coffee and said that she was sorry as she felt it was shitty. There had been no talk of excluding me but she couldn't shed light on why I was excluded. BG just said "eeeeh you should've just come along!" And made light of it but I barely acknowledged that. I said not to worry about it, I was well aware of the difference between an open invitation and an event which required an invitation and that BG could have mentioned that it was open invitation if that was actually the case. I didn't apologise or let her make me out to be unreasonable. I just kept very matter of fact and I hope dignified.

Well done. I hope you are feeling now. There is a special place in hell reserved for these arseholes.

That must have been really difficult op. Sounds like you handled it well.

Well done OP, I hope they are all feeling shitty about their behaviour

how the fuck could have you come... not one of them mentioned it, and the two new girls said they didnt have plans for the weekend, assholes

Bloody well done! Sounds like you handled it very elegantly.

I hope they are all thoroughly ashamed of themselves

Well done OP. It sounds like you handled it really well. Hopefully they will reflect a bit on their behaviour now.

Absolutely perfection OP.
Beautifully executed.
She has made a show of herself in the eyes of anyone decent in that office all on her own.

Now you know exactly what she's like and so does everyone else.

Well done OP, perfect response. Now file the lot of them in the ‘work oclleahue’ category. Doesn’t mean you can’t be friendly and chatty (in time) but you know now that these people aren’t your mates. It’s a tough lesson , and you’ve handled it brilliantly. You have the moral high ground and can hold your head high.

I'm not surprised they've tried to minimise it and make out you've somehow got the wrong end of the stick.

Unfortunately I don't think it'll make work and social events with them any easier.

For whatever reason you're on the outs and all you can do is try not to let them have any power over you.

Brilliant. Dignified and leaves them nowhere to hide. There will have been some clenching going on in that office today.

Well done OP .

Well done OP
Must have been very tough for you but you nailed it ❤️
Calm bit firm and with style 😊

That was a good response from you but it's really disappointing that it wasn't a dreadful mistake/coincidence. Now it just means that they are shitty. And there's nothing to do about that, they all knew and colluded in it. Very poor behaviour.

And I hope your words have tainted their memory of this occasion.

Oh wow you completely nailed that 👌 well done!

Well done op
I hope they feel embarrassed

Well done you! X

What a bunch of mean girls and good for you to be so brave and dignified.

Boo to the BG. Sounds like you're too good for her party anyway, save it for better friends xx

Amazingly handled OP