To think that it's unkind to leave one person out?

[Mammyloveswine]

So I work in a small team of 6, i considered us to be a close team and friends. We have a WhatsApp group and all message everyday. One of the staff had a big birthday today. I tried to arrange a little lunch out to celebrate this week but not everyone could make it so I sorted a collection from everyone and also bought a gift just from me. I knew birthday girl was having a day/night out to celebrate today "with close family and friends" and knew that 2 other members of our team were going. All fine. They are close friends. Anyway I've just received a photo to our WhatsApp group of our whole team (not just the ones that I know are really close) who are all out on the town together celebrating. I wasn't invited and the others never mentioned they were going when we were discussing weekend plans.

I know that it's her choice to invite who she wants but I considered her a friend! In fact she messaged me last night thanking me for being such a good friend lately! For the whole team to have been invited but not me just makes me feel like crap. How can you just leave one person out?

The rational side of me says to not overthink it and it's probably nothing personal but part of me feels like I'm back at school again! I just feel really hurt!

AIBU to think that it's a little bit mean to invite all but one person?

Stay strong OP x

I hope all goes well this morning and that there turns out to be an innocent explanation

Good luck today @Mammyloveswine.Head held up high and ignore the fuckers.

Hope it's not to awks op x

I know you’ve had lots of solidarity already OP, but just wanted to say this made me sad to read. YANBU at all to feel very upset.

How is it going Mammy?
for you.
It's crap to be treated so coldly. x

Hope your morning at work is going ok. YADNBU and I would also feel very upset at this. Hold your head up and disengage, that’s what I would do

Hope you're doing ok

They're twats

Hope it's going ok.

That is horrible Manmyloveswine.
Id be sooo hurt.
Hold your head high- you were doing the nice thing, trying to organise a lunch for her and a gift.
Perhaps your work colleagues were embarrassed as they knew you weren't invited but it was not their call.
It hapoened to my friend re a hen party. Horrible

Hope your day hasn’t been too bad and you’ve got wine/gin/chocolate chilling in the fridge for when you get in

Not as bad as this (although I have had this behaviour at school and it was incredibly hurtful) but just last Friday all the parents were summoned into dd's classroom and the lead cliquey mum announced 'we have all got together and made a collection' to the teachers - a collection I knew nothing about despite doing all pick up and drop offs!

I feel like you should ask her if she knew you weren’t invited ?? Has to be a mistake surely !

This sounds really poor. Even a 4-2 split would be fine. Not 5-1.h

Have been following and really feel for you. Hope all goes well today x

What a shitty thing to do. Hope you're ok OP.

Rotten behaviour! Hope you are ok.

Hows today going? X

Hope you've managed to get to the bottom of it

Hope today goes okay OP.

And to all the PPs suggesting a mix up or that the newbies just happened to come across the party, OP has said that they specifically said they had no plans for the weekend when asked by her. And as for just happening to meet the party? They were wearing in matching sashes.

The fact all 5 people attended the birthday bash yet at no point was it discussed in the WhatsApp groups before or after despite it being a daily normal form of communication for those women, means that it is highly likely the subject was purposely avoided because they were hiding it. My guess is a second group exists as a picture was posted. Probably meant for the secret group.

OP I do hope that you have avoided making the PA comments as suggested here. I liked the another PP's post saying that they would have been briefed on what to say and will be waiting to get the lie out quickly and have it done with so letting them sweat is best. I know from my own experiences, it's actually pretty spot on.

@VivaDixie I'm so sorry you are going through similar. It is a horrible, horrible feeling and I would never, ever treat anyone this way (even if I actively disliked them!).

Thank you OP, actually this thread has been enlightening to me and i am starting to feel calmer about my situation. As a PP said these things are always about control. And the ringleader in my case is a control freak.

Hope this morning goes well for you

Hope it goes well today op.